Being lonely is some thing I have gotten used to the last the last 6 years I have been living alone and even when I was married I remember driving home from work one night in San Diego just feeling so alone, that was ten years before I moved out.
now I have friends and that has reminded me how alone I am, It hurts more to be alone now and I don't think it's just the hormones, it's just that I was used to it, I notice when after being with my friends in town I hate to drive home cause I know I am not going to see then for a while and I just miss being with them, I go out some nights and I don't want the night to end, but of course I have to work the next day so I have to leave early.
Life is getting better just hope it keeps up Susan
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A home full of people doesn't mean that I'm not lonely sometimes, or a lot. My kids give me fuel to keep moving forward, but wondering and worrying if I'll ever walk this alone always haunts me. Keep strong, girl. Do what you gotta do to stay sane.
ReplyDeleteLoneliness is a state of mind, to a large degree. Just like Lori said, you can feel lonely in a huge crowd or you can feel NO loneliness in the presence of just one good friend. People are different too. Some have a stronger need for physical contact and interaction in order to ward off loneliness. Other people are just more independent. I am one of those independent types and sometimes I hate it. I can go years without seeing a good friend and when we meet up again, it's like they never left. When my wife and I are apart, she will call me and tell me how much she misses me. Of course she will ask me if I miss her too. Usually I have to say "no...we've only been apart for 8 hours."...lol.
ReplyDeleteI think it's great that you do have such close friends. Sometimes I long for that same feeling. It is becoming more and more apparent to me that the life of a trans person is lonely in many ways. Sometimes just being different makes people lonely. I have deaf friends at church who will tell you they'd rather be blind than deaf, because people avoid trying to communicate with them because of their deafness. A blind person can carry on a perfectly normal conversation and communicate easily. I normally have to go out by myself when I dress. I go anywhere I want but I still feel lonely. I long to interact with other people on a personal, friendly basis but I know it only lasts until we part.
Hang in there and don't let the loneliness bring you down. Cherish the time you have with your good friends...those moments will mean much in years to come. :)Suzi