I cry because of what I can never be
I cry because I am sad
I cry because I am happy
I cry because I cry for others
I cry because of what the future brings
I cry because I can still love
I cry because I am lonely
I cry because I am part of the world again
I cry because I have beautiful friends
I cry because I am now happy being me
Showing posts with label communication. Show all posts
Showing posts with label communication. Show all posts
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Transgender Groups
When I first started looking into this new life that I was about to get into I had a hard time finding the right web sites and I think some of the ones I went to were not the best, when you don't know anybody and have nobody to ask that you can trust you just have to go by what sounds the best, I searched the phone book and the web for a month before I found enough information to get started, was it right, no I made some wrong choices because that's all I had to go on and I think it cost me money and time.
So the purpose of this is just to say that there are too many groups out there that have a lot of different information which is confusing to somebody new, why are there so many groups, I think you would be better if we were all at least a member of one common group for political purposes and a central place to go to for correct information, you could still have your own local groups because I know everybody thinks different and there are so many egos out there. I know people that don't like HRC because of what happened in I think 2007, people just get over it and lets make it work.
A big group has more power than a lot of small groups unless we were all members of all the big groups.
That's just my thoughts on the subject, it sure would have been nice to find the right information right away when I first started, I still don't know what is the best hormone regime to follow and if somebody told me now I wouldn't know if I should believe them or not.
OK I have to quit now, this could go on forever. Susan T-Girls Rule
So the purpose of this is just to say that there are too many groups out there that have a lot of different information which is confusing to somebody new, why are there so many groups, I think you would be better if we were all at least a member of one common group for political purposes and a central place to go to for correct information, you could still have your own local groups because I know everybody thinks different and there are so many egos out there. I know people that don't like HRC because of what happened in I think 2007, people just get over it and lets make it work.
A big group has more power than a lot of small groups unless we were all members of all the big groups.
That's just my thoughts on the subject, it sure would have been nice to find the right information right away when I first started, I still don't know what is the best hormone regime to follow and if somebody told me now I wouldn't know if I should believe them or not.
OK I have to quit now, this could go on forever. Susan T-Girls Rule
Monday, February 15, 2010
The Day After
After I wrote the my last blog I almost went right back in and deleted it but I decided to leave it because that is the way I was feeling at the time, I have found that I learn a lot about myself just by the things I write here as I did with that blog.
After I wrote it when I was deciding to delete it or not I put my self in the other persons shoes like I do a lot, don't know why I didn't do it before I wrote it but I didn't, I thought about why I don't call some of my friends or email them, what if something had happened to them, I would never know, so I am not going to get upset when people don't call me anymore.
Another thing happened after that bad blog day and it wasn't because I wrote the blog, Friday I went out around noon for 2 hours of electrolysis then I ran some errands and then I went to a bar for one drink, the last time in the bar I had a meet a couple that were real nice and they were there again, the Lady saw me come in and came to sit with me, well I ended up having 3 drinks, a lot for me, we sat there for hours talking about everything, I had a real nice night, I even slept at their house so I wouldn't have to drive home.
The next day after I got home I didn't do too much, work that is, I talked to people on the phone, on IM and SKYPE so if I look at it that way I did get a lot done.
Sunday Valentines day, not that I cared about it being Valentines day because I don't have anybody but I had made plans to go to the swap meet then to the bar to see my new friends and watch the race, well after going to the bank and getting gas heading to the swap meet the phone rang, it was work, there were friends there from San Diego wanting to see me, so we made arrangements to meet at the Red Robin at 1pm, this got me excited because as far as I knew they did not know about me, that's because my ex wife has not told anybody back there in San Diego and didn't want me to tell anybody but my friends coming here are free game, the lunch went great, they were really happy for me and said I could stay with them anytime in San Diego.
After that I went to a friends house, they were having a garage sale, well by the time I got there they had closed up everything so we talked for about an hour then I took them for a ride in my new car(new to me).
I got to the bar around 4, my friends were still there, the race had been delayed for 2 hours, I was there for about 45 minutes then I had to go get food for work.
So maybe my communication skills are not so bad.
If I start complaining again just slap me, I have nothing to complain about.
After I wrote it when I was deciding to delete it or not I put my self in the other persons shoes like I do a lot, don't know why I didn't do it before I wrote it but I didn't, I thought about why I don't call some of my friends or email them, what if something had happened to them, I would never know, so I am not going to get upset when people don't call me anymore.
Another thing happened after that bad blog day and it wasn't because I wrote the blog, Friday I went out around noon for 2 hours of electrolysis then I ran some errands and then I went to a bar for one drink, the last time in the bar I had a meet a couple that were real nice and they were there again, the Lady saw me come in and came to sit with me, well I ended up having 3 drinks, a lot for me, we sat there for hours talking about everything, I had a real nice night, I even slept at their house so I wouldn't have to drive home.
The next day after I got home I didn't do too much, work that is, I talked to people on the phone, on IM and SKYPE so if I look at it that way I did get a lot done.
Sunday Valentines day, not that I cared about it being Valentines day because I don't have anybody but I had made plans to go to the swap meet then to the bar to see my new friends and watch the race, well after going to the bank and getting gas heading to the swap meet the phone rang, it was work, there were friends there from San Diego wanting to see me, so we made arrangements to meet at the Red Robin at 1pm, this got me excited because as far as I knew they did not know about me, that's because my ex wife has not told anybody back there in San Diego and didn't want me to tell anybody but my friends coming here are free game, the lunch went great, they were really happy for me and said I could stay with them anytime in San Diego.
After that I went to a friends house, they were having a garage sale, well by the time I got there they had closed up everything so we talked for about an hour then I took them for a ride in my new car(new to me).
I got to the bar around 4, my friends were still there, the race had been delayed for 2 hours, I was there for about 45 minutes then I had to go get food for work.
So maybe my communication skills are not so bad.
If I start complaining again just slap me, I have nothing to complain about.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Perception, is it just me?
I have been thinking of writing this blog for over a week now but I kind of talked myself out of it because it's very negative and I don't like to be like that but to me it's the truth, maybe just my perception.
I have not been on facebook much in the last few weeks, I haven't been to Tacos or Starbucks, it's true I have been busy but not that busy, out of all the friends on facebook I think only 3 made any kind of contact to see if I was OK, It's ok I am used to being alone and I don't need friends who just want me to help them with the games they play all the time, if that's why you asked me to be your friend then you can just take me off your list.
It always seems to me that I am the one who has to make the contact be it on line or on the phone, I have been told that's not true but I am the one that has the phone that never rings so I know.
I never seem to know what's going on, Most of the time I find out after the fact and that I know is by phone or text, some people don't seem to trust telling me things that they tell other people, one thing I needed to know.
So what this boils down to I guess is what I have had problems with all my life, that is the lack of communication skills, there is something wrong, why is it that I have these problems, it has to be me because everybody else seems to be able to talk to each other or do I put out bad vibes.
I have not been on facebook much in the last few weeks, I haven't been to Tacos or Starbucks, it's true I have been busy but not that busy, out of all the friends on facebook I think only 3 made any kind of contact to see if I was OK, It's ok I am used to being alone and I don't need friends who just want me to help them with the games they play all the time, if that's why you asked me to be your friend then you can just take me off your list.
It always seems to me that I am the one who has to make the contact be it on line or on the phone, I have been told that's not true but I am the one that has the phone that never rings so I know.
I never seem to know what's going on, Most of the time I find out after the fact and that I know is by phone or text, some people don't seem to trust telling me things that they tell other people, one thing I needed to know.
So what this boils down to I guess is what I have had problems with all my life, that is the lack of communication skills, there is something wrong, why is it that I have these problems, it has to be me because everybody else seems to be able to talk to each other or do I put out bad vibes.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Living with Feelings
I really screwed up this weekend, I have always been told to trust my feeling, well I acted on them this weekend and I hurt somebody very dear to me and I hurt myself too, how could I have been so wrong, how could I miss read my feeling so badly, I don't know what to do about this, if I can't trust my feelings any more how am I going to know how to be with anyone, I am just lost.
I will not blame this on hormones, that seems like an excuse to me even though my prescription was doubled last time in Phoenix.
I have found myself jealous of things other people do, it just seems to me that everybody has friends that they can go out and do things with, yes I do live in BFE and that changes things a little but I will drive into town any time something is going on, I go every where in town and do what I need to do but I don't go out to eat or go to bars by myself, it seems so sad to sit in a restaurant by yourself, these are things that I would not do before I started transition.
I like my friends in the GLBT group, they are all nice people but I don't seem to fit in, I don't have anything in common which makes it hard for me to talk to them. I am not Gay, Lesbian or Bi, sometimes I don't even think I am heterosexual, I would have to have some kind of relationship for that.
It's because of the above things that I will be backing off for awhile, hopefully I will be able to set my head on straight, I will be staying off face-book, it is just too painful for me.
I don't have the communication skills to meet people on line, I don't know what to say most of the time and a lot of what I read I have no idea what they are talking about.
I am not backing off my transition, right now it's the only thing that makes me feel good, I have found that feeling bad hurts my self confidence big time, I have also had a lot of looks lately, most of the time I don't care but when you are feeling bad it make it hard to take, some TG's think that you should not even come out until you are done with transition or you can pass most of the time, that would be a long time to never for me so that's not going to happen.
I will be back when my head gets straight, well that will never happen but you know what I mean. Susan
I will not blame this on hormones, that seems like an excuse to me even though my prescription was doubled last time in Phoenix.
I have found myself jealous of things other people do, it just seems to me that everybody has friends that they can go out and do things with, yes I do live in BFE and that changes things a little but I will drive into town any time something is going on, I go every where in town and do what I need to do but I don't go out to eat or go to bars by myself, it seems so sad to sit in a restaurant by yourself, these are things that I would not do before I started transition.
I like my friends in the GLBT group, they are all nice people but I don't seem to fit in, I don't have anything in common which makes it hard for me to talk to them. I am not Gay, Lesbian or Bi, sometimes I don't even think I am heterosexual, I would have to have some kind of relationship for that.
It's because of the above things that I will be backing off for awhile, hopefully I will be able to set my head on straight, I will be staying off face-book, it is just too painful for me.
I don't have the communication skills to meet people on line, I don't know what to say most of the time and a lot of what I read I have no idea what they are talking about.
I am not backing off my transition, right now it's the only thing that makes me feel good, I have found that feeling bad hurts my self confidence big time, I have also had a lot of looks lately, most of the time I don't care but when you are feeling bad it make it hard to take, some TG's think that you should not even come out until you are done with transition or you can pass most of the time, that would be a long time to never for me so that's not going to happen.
I will be back when my head gets straight, well that will never happen but you know what I mean. Susan
Monday, July 13, 2009
communication
In this world of communication I have found out that it's all about how well you write, if you can put your thoughts into words you can be called a beautiful person online and if you can't even though you still feel it inside then I guess you are not, I like to read peoples blogs and comments but even that hurts because they write so nice and it makes me feel so dumb, I am just smart enough to know just how dumb I am, if you can't communicate well online you are not going to look like somebody they are going to want to meet,even this is not too good but it's how I feel.
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