So last night i had a dinner date with a woman at a local restaurant which is also part owned by somebody i know, I was on time as always, went in and got a table, told the hostess i was waiting for a friend, after 15 minutes i ordered a glass of wine and waited, I noticed the part owner sitting at the bar so i went over to talk to him and say hi, before going back to my table i mentioned i was waiting for somebody. After waiting 45 minutes i had to make a decision on whether to just pay for my wine and leave or have dinner anyway which is what i did.
I know i had nothing to be embarrassed about but it is embarrassing to be stood up and it hurts, still does today and makes you feel like crap, the good thing about the whole thing is i had a nice dinner, was even too much for me to eat so so i just finished the left overs today at work, another good thing is maybe i won't feel so bad about going out to eat by myself now.
Is it normal for me not to want anybody to find out that i got stood up, embarrassed, the guy i know could tell people, oh well that's life.
The women did message me back after i messaged her, she was very apologetic about the confusion, i guess i will try again, i really do want to meet her, it took a month to set up that date.
Showing posts with label feelings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label feelings. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Believing it
Monday, June 14, 2010 at 5:02am
Every once in a wile and it's getting to be less now I have thoughts like I can't believe I did this, It's just that it has been so long in coming and I had put it out of my mind for so many years that I never thought it would happen, now that it has I don't think it has fully hit me yet, maybe when I get home or some little thing will make it hit me.
When I started my trip every step of the way here it would hit me that I was actually on my way, I had to think of other things just to keep the eyes dry, but when Sin picked me up at the airport I lost it.
After I have been home for awhile and back at work this may seem just like the best dream ever but with a difference, I will have my something that nobody can take away from me and new sisters that I will have something in common with for the rest of our lives.
Every once in a wile and it's getting to be less now I have thoughts like I can't believe I did this, It's just that it has been so long in coming and I had put it out of my mind for so many years that I never thought it would happen, now that it has I don't think it has fully hit me yet, maybe when I get home or some little thing will make it hit me.
When I started my trip every step of the way here it would hit me that I was actually on my way, I had to think of other things just to keep the eyes dry, but when Sin picked me up at the airport I lost it.
After I have been home for awhile and back at work this may seem just like the best dream ever but with a difference, I will have my something that nobody can take away from me and new sisters that I will have something in common with for the rest of our lives.
Feeling Special
Sunday, June 13, 2010 at 9:21pm
I have had the feeling of being special for the last 6 or 8 months and I do feel special still but now it's changed and really has nothing to do with SRS, these things were changing before, I guess we are in a state of constant change and more so with our special circumstances, I know that I am here in a concentrated point where many of us come for surgery and I could expect to meet many other girls like myself but after being here for about 2 weeks and meeting so many beautiful people I don't feel so special anymore, I feel normal, although we will always be special because it takes a special kind of person to go through what we do.
I have had the feeling of being special for the last 6 or 8 months and I do feel special still but now it's changed and really has nothing to do with SRS, these things were changing before, I guess we are in a state of constant change and more so with our special circumstances, I know that I am here in a concentrated point where many of us come for surgery and I could expect to meet many other girls like myself but after being here for about 2 weeks and meeting so many beautiful people I don't feel so special anymore, I feel normal, although we will always be special because it takes a special kind of person to go through what we do.
It just occurred to me
Wednesday, June 9, 2010 at 2:49am
It just occurred to me I feel no sense of loss, never really thought I would but there is nothing at all, just another sign that this is right.
It just occurred to me I feel no sense of loss, never really thought I would but there is nothing at all, just another sign that this is right.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
I Cry Because
I cry because of what I can never be
I cry because I am sad
I cry because I am happy
I cry because I cry for others
I cry because of what the future brings
I cry because I can still love
I cry because I am lonely
I cry because I am part of the world again
I cry because I have beautiful friends
I cry because I am now happy being me
I cry because I am sad
I cry because I am happy
I cry because I cry for others
I cry because of what the future brings
I cry because I can still love
I cry because I am lonely
I cry because I am part of the world again
I cry because I have beautiful friends
I cry because I am now happy being me
Saturday, February 27, 2010
The One Year Report
One year on hormones, I wish I could say the year went bye fast but it didn't, if it wasn't for being so busy I would have gone nuts, ops already there.
So what have hormones done for me? well that depends on what day you ask me, I saw a picture of my self the other day that I looked like I did before I started this and then two days before that I got dressed to go out and looking in the mirror I looked so hot, so how do I tell you what has changed.
Just the facts mam, what I know for sure is not much, the first six months very little changed, I got the mounds behind the nipples and my skin got softer, I am not sure if I got more sensitive from the hormones or if it was because now it was OK to show my feelings.
After my nose surgery is when things seemed like they kicked in, the lab tests had showed that my testosterone and estrogen were at the same levels but then after the surgery the testosterone dropped down to near nothing, where they should have been all along, this is when I started to notice that my breasts seemed to have grown, the reason I say seemed is because I stopped wearing the breast forms and found real bras that fit, I check my measurements every month and they just don't change, my weight does not change, I can see a difference now, it is so slow, it's a real test of patience, in the last month I did notice a one inch drop in chest size, not breast, chest which is maybe why they look a little bigger.
Body hair did nothing until maybe month nine, that's when I noticed it getting less and lighter in color, now it's even better, I can go all week and not shave if I want, before it was every day.
When I look at my old pictures I can see that I have changed but I can't tell you what has changed, I just know that I look different and much better.
The biggest change I think is in my life, it's not just that I am busy with my transition but I am busy with my life now, I go out and do things, the last four days off I was out every day, this did not happen before, I could easily spend four days at home by myself and all this is only now possible because I can be me.
I have been working on transition now for fourteen months, I know I have a long way to go and a lot to learn, even though I feel more comfortable now when I go out compared to my old life I get nervous around groups of women, I still don't feel worthy to be there with them, I think that will come in time as I go out more.
I have no regrets so far, don't expect any, life gets better and better and I am enjoying the ride. 91 days until SRS, I can't wait.
Susan
Oh I forgot, Electrolysis is on going, does this ever end? going by the last year this has to be the worst part about transition for me, it hurts, drains the bank and takes forever, I don't think I will ever be done.
So what have hormones done for me? well that depends on what day you ask me, I saw a picture of my self the other day that I looked like I did before I started this and then two days before that I got dressed to go out and looking in the mirror I looked so hot, so how do I tell you what has changed.
Just the facts mam, what I know for sure is not much, the first six months very little changed, I got the mounds behind the nipples and my skin got softer, I am not sure if I got more sensitive from the hormones or if it was because now it was OK to show my feelings.
After my nose surgery is when things seemed like they kicked in, the lab tests had showed that my testosterone and estrogen were at the same levels but then after the surgery the testosterone dropped down to near nothing, where they should have been all along, this is when I started to notice that my breasts seemed to have grown, the reason I say seemed is because I stopped wearing the breast forms and found real bras that fit, I check my measurements every month and they just don't change, my weight does not change, I can see a difference now, it is so slow, it's a real test of patience, in the last month I did notice a one inch drop in chest size, not breast, chest which is maybe why they look a little bigger.
Body hair did nothing until maybe month nine, that's when I noticed it getting less and lighter in color, now it's even better, I can go all week and not shave if I want, before it was every day.
When I look at my old pictures I can see that I have changed but I can't tell you what has changed, I just know that I look different and much better.
The biggest change I think is in my life, it's not just that I am busy with my transition but I am busy with my life now, I go out and do things, the last four days off I was out every day, this did not happen before, I could easily spend four days at home by myself and all this is only now possible because I can be me.
I have been working on transition now for fourteen months, I know I have a long way to go and a lot to learn, even though I feel more comfortable now when I go out compared to my old life I get nervous around groups of women, I still don't feel worthy to be there with them, I think that will come in time as I go out more.
I have no regrets so far, don't expect any, life gets better and better and I am enjoying the ride. 91 days until SRS, I can't wait.
Susan
Oh I forgot, Electrolysis is on going, does this ever end? going by the last year this has to be the worst part about transition for me, it hurts, drains the bank and takes forever, I don't think I will ever be done.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
IS IT POSSIBLE?
Is it possible that the reason that it took so long for me to realize my real self was due to very high testosterone levels? because when I was young I was just like the young guys here at work, they are such males in every way, I remember being like that, I was a little dick head, I really was and at the time it was just me being male,is that what repressed my female feelings, I don't know, I was just going to forget why this all happened the way it did but I was just sitting here watching the guys and these thoughts came to me so I wrote them down, I will never know for sure but I am happy that it did finely happen.
Monday, February 15, 2010
The Day After
After I wrote the my last blog I almost went right back in and deleted it but I decided to leave it because that is the way I was feeling at the time, I have found that I learn a lot about myself just by the things I write here as I did with that blog.
After I wrote it when I was deciding to delete it or not I put my self in the other persons shoes like I do a lot, don't know why I didn't do it before I wrote it but I didn't, I thought about why I don't call some of my friends or email them, what if something had happened to them, I would never know, so I am not going to get upset when people don't call me anymore.
Another thing happened after that bad blog day and it wasn't because I wrote the blog, Friday I went out around noon for 2 hours of electrolysis then I ran some errands and then I went to a bar for one drink, the last time in the bar I had a meet a couple that were real nice and they were there again, the Lady saw me come in and came to sit with me, well I ended up having 3 drinks, a lot for me, we sat there for hours talking about everything, I had a real nice night, I even slept at their house so I wouldn't have to drive home.
The next day after I got home I didn't do too much, work that is, I talked to people on the phone, on IM and SKYPE so if I look at it that way I did get a lot done.
Sunday Valentines day, not that I cared about it being Valentines day because I don't have anybody but I had made plans to go to the swap meet then to the bar to see my new friends and watch the race, well after going to the bank and getting gas heading to the swap meet the phone rang, it was work, there were friends there from San Diego wanting to see me, so we made arrangements to meet at the Red Robin at 1pm, this got me excited because as far as I knew they did not know about me, that's because my ex wife has not told anybody back there in San Diego and didn't want me to tell anybody but my friends coming here are free game, the lunch went great, they were really happy for me and said I could stay with them anytime in San Diego.
After that I went to a friends house, they were having a garage sale, well by the time I got there they had closed up everything so we talked for about an hour then I took them for a ride in my new car(new to me).
I got to the bar around 4, my friends were still there, the race had been delayed for 2 hours, I was there for about 45 minutes then I had to go get food for work.
So maybe my communication skills are not so bad.
If I start complaining again just slap me, I have nothing to complain about.
After I wrote it when I was deciding to delete it or not I put my self in the other persons shoes like I do a lot, don't know why I didn't do it before I wrote it but I didn't, I thought about why I don't call some of my friends or email them, what if something had happened to them, I would never know, so I am not going to get upset when people don't call me anymore.
Another thing happened after that bad blog day and it wasn't because I wrote the blog, Friday I went out around noon for 2 hours of electrolysis then I ran some errands and then I went to a bar for one drink, the last time in the bar I had a meet a couple that were real nice and they were there again, the Lady saw me come in and came to sit with me, well I ended up having 3 drinks, a lot for me, we sat there for hours talking about everything, I had a real nice night, I even slept at their house so I wouldn't have to drive home.
The next day after I got home I didn't do too much, work that is, I talked to people on the phone, on IM and SKYPE so if I look at it that way I did get a lot done.
Sunday Valentines day, not that I cared about it being Valentines day because I don't have anybody but I had made plans to go to the swap meet then to the bar to see my new friends and watch the race, well after going to the bank and getting gas heading to the swap meet the phone rang, it was work, there were friends there from San Diego wanting to see me, so we made arrangements to meet at the Red Robin at 1pm, this got me excited because as far as I knew they did not know about me, that's because my ex wife has not told anybody back there in San Diego and didn't want me to tell anybody but my friends coming here are free game, the lunch went great, they were really happy for me and said I could stay with them anytime in San Diego.
After that I went to a friends house, they were having a garage sale, well by the time I got there they had closed up everything so we talked for about an hour then I took them for a ride in my new car(new to me).
I got to the bar around 4, my friends were still there, the race had been delayed for 2 hours, I was there for about 45 minutes then I had to go get food for work.
So maybe my communication skills are not so bad.
If I start complaining again just slap me, I have nothing to complain about.
Friday, January 1, 2010
2009
2009 was a very big year for me perhaps my biggest ever, this was the year when I started my transition, I would have started 2 months earlier right after I realized what I am but I had some things I needed to clear up before I could start.
I made my first appointments with my therapist, I was driving about 2 times a month to Phoenix so I could get the letter for hormones and really get started on my physical transition, that was done by the end of February which means I have been on hormones now for 10 months.
I also started early in January working on my new wardrobe, something I will be working on the rest of my life and loving it. I never once went to Phoenix in boy mode.
I think January was when I started going to Starbucks for coffee with the local GLBT group, I will never forget walking in there the first time, it was the first time in full dress, I was shaking so bad and all I did was sit down at a table with BOB, wow how things have changed.
April and May is when I did my coming out,this was done so soon because I was driving around this small town and I knew that I was going to be seen real soon so I thought I would do it under my own terms. I did not really have any friends that I had to come out to(how sad is that) so it was work first which was not as hard as I thought it would be and then I came out to my family in England, coming out for me was one of the best things I have ever done, it lets me be me.
May is when I started my name change and was done on June 9th, I am still finding things that have my old name on them, what a pain.
Electrolysis was started in January also and was worked on all year, I am up to about 130 hours with many more to go.
In September I had my nose job, that nose had given me a hard time for over over 35 years, not only does it look better but more important it's the way it makes me feel about myself that makes the biggest difference, it also helps in the passing I think mostly from not attracting attention to me.
I think it was September when I made my appointment for GRS, it seemed like so long away back then but I moved the date up a month when I was given the chance and now it's 5 months away, I can't wait.
I have made a lot of new friends this year who have made this transition easier for me. I would like to thank Marie and Billie for all their support.
I have found out that I can still love and I still have feeling and boy do I have feeling, I don't remmber the last day when I had dry eyes, it's all good.
I have been living full time now for about 8 months (from when I came out), it feels normal for me to be dressed as a woman and that's because I have always been one inside.
This was also the first year I have ever written a blog, in fact I have written more this year than in my whole life, I did slow down a little on the blogs but that is because what I was doing had become the norm and there was nothing new to write about, all this was new to me.
I have had some problems but nothing bad, I have had a great year, this was the year when I started living again.
I think I covered everything, I am still open about everything and if you ever want to ask questions go ahead, I am always ready to talk about my new life.
Happy New Year. Susan
I made my first appointments with my therapist, I was driving about 2 times a month to Phoenix so I could get the letter for hormones and really get started on my physical transition, that was done by the end of February which means I have been on hormones now for 10 months.
I also started early in January working on my new wardrobe, something I will be working on the rest of my life and loving it. I never once went to Phoenix in boy mode.
I think January was when I started going to Starbucks for coffee with the local GLBT group, I will never forget walking in there the first time, it was the first time in full dress, I was shaking so bad and all I did was sit down at a table with BOB, wow how things have changed.
April and May is when I did my coming out,this was done so soon because I was driving around this small town and I knew that I was going to be seen real soon so I thought I would do it under my own terms. I did not really have any friends that I had to come out to(how sad is that) so it was work first which was not as hard as I thought it would be and then I came out to my family in England, coming out for me was one of the best things I have ever done, it lets me be me.
May is when I started my name change and was done on June 9th, I am still finding things that have my old name on them, what a pain.
Electrolysis was started in January also and was worked on all year, I am up to about 130 hours with many more to go.
In September I had my nose job, that nose had given me a hard time for over over 35 years, not only does it look better but more important it's the way it makes me feel about myself that makes the biggest difference, it also helps in the passing I think mostly from not attracting attention to me.
I think it was September when I made my appointment for GRS, it seemed like so long away back then but I moved the date up a month when I was given the chance and now it's 5 months away, I can't wait.
I have made a lot of new friends this year who have made this transition easier for me. I would like to thank Marie and Billie for all their support.
I have found out that I can still love and I still have feeling and boy do I have feeling, I don't remmber the last day when I had dry eyes, it's all good.
I have been living full time now for about 8 months (from when I came out), it feels normal for me to be dressed as a woman and that's because I have always been one inside.
This was also the first year I have ever written a blog, in fact I have written more this year than in my whole life, I did slow down a little on the blogs but that is because what I was doing had become the norm and there was nothing new to write about, all this was new to me.
I have had some problems but nothing bad, I have had a great year, this was the year when I started living again.
I think I covered everything, I am still open about everything and if you ever want to ask questions go ahead, I am always ready to talk about my new life.
Happy New Year. Susan
Saturday, November 21, 2009
WHY
why have I not been blogging much lately, well there is not much to blog about, dressing is an every day thing now so not a big deal, hormone changes are so slow that there is not much to write about, work has not been a problem, there is one thing but I will write about that later.
Why I have not been going out more, that's simple, no money honey, I am saving up for the big operation and electrolysis so not much left to play with, it's hard, I want to buy so much, I don't have winter clothing and I want to go places and do things but it's just going to have to wait for a year or two.
Why am I having a problem finding a friend to hang out with, is it because I live in BFE, is it because I don't go out much, I do go out more now than ever before. I have never been able to meet people on line, I am not a very good writer, never have been and when you can't write something witty people don't seem to be interested in you.
Why is it I feel like I did in high school, the emotions I have been having in the last flew months are tearing me up, things friends say or don't say, things friends do and don't do, I am really sensitive to every thing and it's not some thing they are doing wrong although it would be nice if they could be a little more sensitive to me until I learn how to handle this.
Why do I cry myself to sleep some nights, for things I can't have, other than that I can't talk about it here. there are somethings you can't blog about.
I thought I had more whys but I guess not, It may seem that I am having problems but I am OK, this has been the best year in a very long time for me and I hope it will get better, I changed the date of my surgery from July to June, so in six months and one week I will be leaving for Thailand.
I am happy with my breasts, I can actually fill out some of my tops now, I never thought I would like them so much, they are wonderful.
See things are Great.
OK I am done for now talk to you later.
Love Susan
Why I have not been going out more, that's simple, no money honey, I am saving up for the big operation and electrolysis so not much left to play with, it's hard, I want to buy so much, I don't have winter clothing and I want to go places and do things but it's just going to have to wait for a year or two.
Why am I having a problem finding a friend to hang out with, is it because I live in BFE, is it because I don't go out much, I do go out more now than ever before. I have never been able to meet people on line, I am not a very good writer, never have been and when you can't write something witty people don't seem to be interested in you.
Why is it I feel like I did in high school, the emotions I have been having in the last flew months are tearing me up, things friends say or don't say, things friends do and don't do, I am really sensitive to every thing and it's not some thing they are doing wrong although it would be nice if they could be a little more sensitive to me until I learn how to handle this.
Why do I cry myself to sleep some nights, for things I can't have, other than that I can't talk about it here. there are somethings you can't blog about.
I thought I had more whys but I guess not, It may seem that I am having problems but I am OK, this has been the best year in a very long time for me and I hope it will get better, I changed the date of my surgery from July to June, so in six months and one week I will be leaving for Thailand.
I am happy with my breasts, I can actually fill out some of my tops now, I never thought I would like them so much, they are wonderful.
See things are Great.
OK I am done for now talk to you later.
Love Susan
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Hormone Update and a little TMI
I guess it is about time to do a hormone update, I have been on hormones now for 8 months, I just took my measurements and it is like nothing has changed, I must have gotten used to the skin softness because it feels normal now, the hair is the same no change, my little boobs are looking better but I don't see any change in size, the only thing that seems different is that I can cry any time I see anybody else crying.
The biggest change has nothing to do with hormones and that is the nose, it has been a little over 5 weeks ago now, the swelling is still going down, most people don't even see it, the first time I noticed my self feeling better about it was sitting in my truck at a light, I was not self conscious about the person in the car next to me looking at my profile, I could actually turn my head and look around, a good feeling.
People tell me I am looking good, I know the pictures people take of me seem to be looking better all the time but I can't tell what it is that is changing, I am sure it is a combination of every thing, the hormones, electrolysis, the nose, hair, and makeup. I look at pictures of other girls when they started out, when they still looked like a guy in a dress and I look at the same girls now after transition and I wonder what was the turning point, when did they start looking more like a woman than a man, did they feel the same way about their transition like I do now.
I got he-she'd yesterday at pet smart, it was very fast but I noticed it, I didn't feel bad or anything, she just made a mistake but it did remind me that I may never pass which is OK cause I under stand that.
TMI part
Sexual function still works but is becoming harder to do, when I do think about it which was only once this month it still worked, felt good even with the tiny amount of clear cum that came out.
It would seem now I am more interested in having a really close friend than having sexual partner, somebody to love.
I think I have covered every thing, life is good, work is good, no real big problems I can't live with. Susan
The biggest change has nothing to do with hormones and that is the nose, it has been a little over 5 weeks ago now, the swelling is still going down, most people don't even see it, the first time I noticed my self feeling better about it was sitting in my truck at a light, I was not self conscious about the person in the car next to me looking at my profile, I could actually turn my head and look around, a good feeling.
People tell me I am looking good, I know the pictures people take of me seem to be looking better all the time but I can't tell what it is that is changing, I am sure it is a combination of every thing, the hormones, electrolysis, the nose, hair, and makeup. I look at pictures of other girls when they started out, when they still looked like a guy in a dress and I look at the same girls now after transition and I wonder what was the turning point, when did they start looking more like a woman than a man, did they feel the same way about their transition like I do now.
I got he-she'd yesterday at pet smart, it was very fast but I noticed it, I didn't feel bad or anything, she just made a mistake but it did remind me that I may never pass which is OK cause I under stand that.
TMI part
Sexual function still works but is becoming harder to do, when I do think about it which was only once this month it still worked, felt good even with the tiny amount of clear cum that came out.
It would seem now I am more interested in having a really close friend than having sexual partner, somebody to love.
I think I have covered every thing, life is good, work is good, no real big problems I can't live with. Susan
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Living with Feelings
I really screwed up this weekend, I have always been told to trust my feeling, well I acted on them this weekend and I hurt somebody very dear to me and I hurt myself too, how could I have been so wrong, how could I miss read my feeling so badly, I don't know what to do about this, if I can't trust my feelings any more how am I going to know how to be with anyone, I am just lost.
I will not blame this on hormones, that seems like an excuse to me even though my prescription was doubled last time in Phoenix.
I have found myself jealous of things other people do, it just seems to me that everybody has friends that they can go out and do things with, yes I do live in BFE and that changes things a little but I will drive into town any time something is going on, I go every where in town and do what I need to do but I don't go out to eat or go to bars by myself, it seems so sad to sit in a restaurant by yourself, these are things that I would not do before I started transition.
I like my friends in the GLBT group, they are all nice people but I don't seem to fit in, I don't have anything in common which makes it hard for me to talk to them. I am not Gay, Lesbian or Bi, sometimes I don't even think I am heterosexual, I would have to have some kind of relationship for that.
It's because of the above things that I will be backing off for awhile, hopefully I will be able to set my head on straight, I will be staying off face-book, it is just too painful for me.
I don't have the communication skills to meet people on line, I don't know what to say most of the time and a lot of what I read I have no idea what they are talking about.
I am not backing off my transition, right now it's the only thing that makes me feel good, I have found that feeling bad hurts my self confidence big time, I have also had a lot of looks lately, most of the time I don't care but when you are feeling bad it make it hard to take, some TG's think that you should not even come out until you are done with transition or you can pass most of the time, that would be a long time to never for me so that's not going to happen.
I will be back when my head gets straight, well that will never happen but you know what I mean. Susan
I will not blame this on hormones, that seems like an excuse to me even though my prescription was doubled last time in Phoenix.
I have found myself jealous of things other people do, it just seems to me that everybody has friends that they can go out and do things with, yes I do live in BFE and that changes things a little but I will drive into town any time something is going on, I go every where in town and do what I need to do but I don't go out to eat or go to bars by myself, it seems so sad to sit in a restaurant by yourself, these are things that I would not do before I started transition.
I like my friends in the GLBT group, they are all nice people but I don't seem to fit in, I don't have anything in common which makes it hard for me to talk to them. I am not Gay, Lesbian or Bi, sometimes I don't even think I am heterosexual, I would have to have some kind of relationship for that.
It's because of the above things that I will be backing off for awhile, hopefully I will be able to set my head on straight, I will be staying off face-book, it is just too painful for me.
I don't have the communication skills to meet people on line, I don't know what to say most of the time and a lot of what I read I have no idea what they are talking about.
I am not backing off my transition, right now it's the only thing that makes me feel good, I have found that feeling bad hurts my self confidence big time, I have also had a lot of looks lately, most of the time I don't care but when you are feeling bad it make it hard to take, some TG's think that you should not even come out until you are done with transition or you can pass most of the time, that would be a long time to never for me so that's not going to happen.
I will be back when my head gets straight, well that will never happen but you know what I mean. Susan
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