Thursday, July 30, 2009
The X
Why is it the X wife can still make me feel bad, I had to can her today about money and after I got that done she starts off on why I lied to her all them years and just goes on and on about it and how I owe her all this money and how she hates queers and how sick I am and all that stuff, so I had to sit down and think about it for a while kind of a reality check, but even though I still feel a little bad I never once felt I was doing the wrong thing, I love my new life, my new friends, no way am I going back, she is the most hateful person I have ever known, I don't know how she could live with me that long and not understand one thing about me, I wish I never had to talk to her ever again.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
OK make that four in a row
OK make that four in a row days I have gone out, I think that maybe an all time record for me, I went out and met everybody after the board pride meeting at the finish line, had supper and won 4 or 5 games of pool, I don't shoot pool, at least I didn't before, had another nice night, had to leave early, have to work the next 2 days.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Going out three days in a row
Last night I went to a small get together people from work were having for one of the guys that used to work at the fire department, he's moving to northern Nevada, I was a little nervous about going, I don't hang out with the guys from work, I don't even think I have been to a bar with any of them before and definitely not as Susan so another first.
This was at a bar called the Martini Bay another place I have not ever been to, I parked in the parking lot and I saw mt LT and his wife so now I knew I had to go in, the bar was nice and dark a good thing for me, I had a blue top, my black skirt about 3 inches above the knees and my 3 inch heels,I walked in with them all watching me, there were ten people there only 3 from the fire dept, one from river med, the others were wife's and friends some I have never met before, sat down ordered a drink and we talked, Evey body was nice, about a hour later two more guys from work came in with their wife's, one of the guy's wife did not even recognize me that's a great feeling even if it is a dark bar, they had already been drinking so they (the guys) were a little more boisterous, one guy could not stop telling me how he was good with me and what ever makes me happy is good by him, even though it still freaks him out, so we talked a lot last night.
Two people from river med stopped in to say their goodbyes, one used to work at my fire dept, I think he was a little reluctant to say Hi or he was just unsure about me.
One of the guys is part owner in another Bar restaurant called Mario's so he invited us all over there, another place I have never been to before (I did not go out much before) he bought the first round, some of the girls were going out side to have a smoke and invited me even though I don't, so I went out with them talked a lot more, I think I was out there for half hour or more with people coming and going.
So I had a good night, I have a new friend to go makeup shopping with, I learned more about who I can trust at work and I was able to go out like a normal person.
One of the guys is the new local Union president, he offed his support and told me I did not have to worry about the union, very nice.
That was the third time out in the last 3 days, Wednesday I went to the fire dept board meeting with the Chief, secretary and about 8 firefighters, sure I got some looks I expect that and I like it anyway, every thing went fine, no problems.
Thursday night I went to Starbucks for coffee with the group, I wore my second shortest dress, do not bend over with this one, Then we went over to the Finish line bar to finish the night, a friend from Kingman was down so it was good to see and talk to her, I did play 2 games of pool, won one I think, I was a little distracted every time I had to bend over to shoot, it was fun though.
Today I am staying home to get ready for work unless someone calls to do something, I like this going out stuff, I am living again.
This was at a bar called the Martini Bay another place I have not ever been to, I parked in the parking lot and I saw mt LT and his wife so now I knew I had to go in, the bar was nice and dark a good thing for me, I had a blue top, my black skirt about 3 inches above the knees and my 3 inch heels,I walked in with them all watching me, there were ten people there only 3 from the fire dept, one from river med, the others were wife's and friends some I have never met before, sat down ordered a drink and we talked, Evey body was nice, about a hour later two more guys from work came in with their wife's, one of the guy's wife did not even recognize me that's a great feeling even if it is a dark bar, they had already been drinking so they (the guys) were a little more boisterous, one guy could not stop telling me how he was good with me and what ever makes me happy is good by him, even though it still freaks him out, so we talked a lot last night.
Two people from river med stopped in to say their goodbyes, one used to work at my fire dept, I think he was a little reluctant to say Hi or he was just unsure about me.
One of the guys is part owner in another Bar restaurant called Mario's so he invited us all over there, another place I have never been to before (I did not go out much before) he bought the first round, some of the girls were going out side to have a smoke and invited me even though I don't, so I went out with them talked a lot more, I think I was out there for half hour or more with people coming and going.
So I had a good night, I have a new friend to go makeup shopping with, I learned more about who I can trust at work and I was able to go out like a normal person.
One of the guys is the new local Union president, he offed his support and told me I did not have to worry about the union, very nice.
That was the third time out in the last 3 days, Wednesday I went to the fire dept board meeting with the Chief, secretary and about 8 firefighters, sure I got some looks I expect that and I like it anyway, every thing went fine, no problems.
Thursday night I went to Starbucks for coffee with the group, I wore my second shortest dress, do not bend over with this one, Then we went over to the Finish line bar to finish the night, a friend from Kingman was down so it was good to see and talk to her, I did play 2 games of pool, won one I think, I was a little distracted every time I had to bend over to shoot, it was fun though.
Today I am staying home to get ready for work unless someone calls to do something, I like this going out stuff, I am living again.
Friday, July 17, 2009
TMI number 2
This is going to be TMI number 2, for you sensitive people out there you may want to read this but this is something I have to do because I don't find that other people are putting this information out there and it is something they need to know.
This is also kind of a hormone update too, I have now been taking hormones now for four and a half months, for me I have not felt much happening just the skin getting softer, the nipple itch, tenderness and small change in breast shape with the muscle softening, it's funny when I read this it sounds like a lot is actually happening and that was about two and a half months ago and until now not much else, up until now I have been checking to see if the sex part still works and it does although it doesn't shoot allover like it used to, the other day and I don't know why this happened, I should explain first, in the old days I could take care of my self once a week which would hold me till the next week, when I started this new life even before starting hormones I went down to once a month, I didn't even think about it but now for some reason the other day I did it three times and each time was like the first and just as intense although it only took about 10 seconds, why am I putting this out there, well somebody has to because there are people that want to know but are too afraid to ask.
There is another part that goes with this, My nipples have never been sensitive, the only thing they were good for is for telling you where to put your hands to do CPR on me, now I think they are a lot more sensitive, I do like my baby boobs, when you look down on them they look nice, you don't see much from the front or the side just looking down and with them being more pointed my hands like to find the nipples and play with them, when I did it the other day I noticed I was getting aroused down below, not sure if that has ever happened before, sure was nice.
The other things that maybe happening is the body hair I think is getting lighter and the skin smoother on more of the body, that partly because muscle tone is going down too, when I am wearing a short skirt and look down past my baby boobs to my legs they look a lot smoother, I don't even feel the need to wear nylon's, did I tell you that I love what's happening to my body, if I could just get rid of a flew parts and get a new head I would be just fine.
I warned you TMI Susan
Oh one more little thing, I got my new Female drivers license yesteday, I love it and the picture is good too.
This is also kind of a hormone update too, I have now been taking hormones now for four and a half months, for me I have not felt much happening just the skin getting softer, the nipple itch, tenderness and small change in breast shape with the muscle softening, it's funny when I read this it sounds like a lot is actually happening and that was about two and a half months ago and until now not much else, up until now I have been checking to see if the sex part still works and it does although it doesn't shoot allover like it used to, the other day and I don't know why this happened, I should explain first, in the old days I could take care of my self once a week which would hold me till the next week, when I started this new life even before starting hormones I went down to once a month, I didn't even think about it but now for some reason the other day I did it three times and each time was like the first and just as intense although it only took about 10 seconds, why am I putting this out there, well somebody has to because there are people that want to know but are too afraid to ask.
There is another part that goes with this, My nipples have never been sensitive, the only thing they were good for is for telling you where to put your hands to do CPR on me, now I think they are a lot more sensitive, I do like my baby boobs, when you look down on them they look nice, you don't see much from the front or the side just looking down and with them being more pointed my hands like to find the nipples and play with them, when I did it the other day I noticed I was getting aroused down below, not sure if that has ever happened before, sure was nice.
The other things that maybe happening is the body hair I think is getting lighter and the skin smoother on more of the body, that partly because muscle tone is going down too, when I am wearing a short skirt and look down past my baby boobs to my legs they look a lot smoother, I don't even feel the need to wear nylon's, did I tell you that I love what's happening to my body, if I could just get rid of a flew parts and get a new head I would be just fine.
I warned you TMI Susan
Oh one more little thing, I got my new Female drivers license yesteday, I love it and the picture is good too.
Monday, July 13, 2009
communication
In this world of communication I have found out that it's all about how well you write, if you can put your thoughts into words you can be called a beautiful person online and if you can't even though you still feel it inside then I guess you are not, I like to read peoples blogs and comments but even that hurts because they write so nice and it makes me feel so dumb, I am just smart enough to know just how dumb I am, if you can't communicate well online you are not going to look like somebody they are going to want to meet,even this is not too good but it's how I feel.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Another First
The last four days were petty good, Saturday I went to a fourth of July pool party which was really nice, I think it was the first time in 5 years I have not been alone on the fourth, it was also the first time out in a bikini, fun times.
Sunday all I did was get ready to go to Phoenix and rest.
Monday I picked up Marie at 8 am and headed to Phoenix, on the way I found out from Marie that her friend from San Diego was going to be at the same Dr's office that we were going to, so I made some changes to the appointments on the way so the first stop was going to be at Maria's so Marie could get zapped, then we went over to Dr Meltzer's office where her friend was going to and her jeep was in the parking lot, Marie surprised the heck out of her, after that I let Marie hang out with her friend while I went to my next appointment with my hormone doctor, so after that I picked up Marie and went to meet Jen who I stayed with last time in Phoenix and had a nice dinner then headed home, all in all a very nice day.
Tuesday was the day I was going to get my new drivers license now that I had the F letter from my doctor, but no, one more hurdle to jump through, because I have a CDL commercial driver license I have to get a new physical first then go to kingman because they don't do them here in Havsau, not a big deal just a delay of about a week, So being a little up set I went to taco Tuesday's at Marie's in my little school girl skirt, when upset go short, thanks for a nice night Marie.
So today I am back at work for 2 more days. Susan
Sunday all I did was get ready to go to Phoenix and rest.
Monday I picked up Marie at 8 am and headed to Phoenix, on the way I found out from Marie that her friend from San Diego was going to be at the same Dr's office that we were going to, so I made some changes to the appointments on the way so the first stop was going to be at Maria's so Marie could get zapped, then we went over to Dr Meltzer's office where her friend was going to and her jeep was in the parking lot, Marie surprised the heck out of her, after that I let Marie hang out with her friend while I went to my next appointment with my hormone doctor, so after that I picked up Marie and went to meet Jen who I stayed with last time in Phoenix and had a nice dinner then headed home, all in all a very nice day.
Tuesday was the day I was going to get my new drivers license now that I had the F letter from my doctor, but no, one more hurdle to jump through, because I have a CDL commercial driver license I have to get a new physical first then go to kingman because they don't do them here in Havsau, not a big deal just a delay of about a week, So being a little up set I went to taco Tuesday's at Marie's in my little school girl skirt, when upset go short, thanks for a nice night Marie.
So today I am back at work for 2 more days. Susan
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Part 3
After the union meeting I had made plans to go to the bar and meet a friend there, I thought I might need a drink, so I called her to let her know I was heading to the bar, no answer, OK well I will go down there and call again which I did still no answer, so I ordered a drink and something to eat, called again, no answer, had another drink and finished that, by now I was getting a little pissed and hurt so I went home, a great ending to a bad couple of days just what I didn't need.
The next day I woke up around 3:30am, didn't want to but I was awake so after rolling around for a hour I got up turned on the TV and checked the email, I thought there may have been a email from my friend but nothing, so I went and wrote a blog and tried to do paper work, I ended up watching a movie for the second time that month, Shall we Dance, well I ended up crying on and off all morning with the movie and every thing else that had gone in the last flew days, I knew that I had better find something to do to take my mind off things so I went outside to work, it was hot out there. I didn't check the email till around 6 pm and all the other sites that's when I found out my friend had had a family problem that had to be taken care of, it may seen bad but I was so relieved, all kinds of things run through your head like what have I done to deserve this and what's wrong with me, why is it that I don't have many friends anyway I felt a lot better.
I was able to go to Marie's for taco Tuesday now that I was feeling better, but I did put on my shortest dress and heels, I love wearing that dress, it was also the first time I had ever been out in it even though I have had it for about 2 years and that's before I knew I was Trans, I will post a picture one of these days.
The Taco's were great as always, not too many showed up but it was still fun thanks Marie.
Wednesday stayed home all day, did a little work and don't remember what else, I did get my new Social security card and changed my name for my HAM radio license, I need 1 letter from my doctor that I should get on Monday and then I can get my new Drivers License on Tuesday, can't wait for that one, the name change is moving right along.
OK I am up to date I hope the next one will be a VBLOG. Susan
One more thing, I have been on Hormones now for 4 months, I really can't tell if there are any changes, it is so hard to tell, I do have what I call baby boobs and they are nice, still a long way to go before I can wear an A cup, I hope by 6 months then I will ditch the fake ones, anyway I will be talking to the Doctor about that on Monday.
The next day I woke up around 3:30am, didn't want to but I was awake so after rolling around for a hour I got up turned on the TV and checked the email, I thought there may have been a email from my friend but nothing, so I went and wrote a blog and tried to do paper work, I ended up watching a movie for the second time that month, Shall we Dance, well I ended up crying on and off all morning with the movie and every thing else that had gone in the last flew days, I knew that I had better find something to do to take my mind off things so I went outside to work, it was hot out there. I didn't check the email till around 6 pm and all the other sites that's when I found out my friend had had a family problem that had to be taken care of, it may seen bad but I was so relieved, all kinds of things run through your head like what have I done to deserve this and what's wrong with me, why is it that I don't have many friends anyway I felt a lot better.
I was able to go to Marie's for taco Tuesday now that I was feeling better, but I did put on my shortest dress and heels, I love wearing that dress, it was also the first time I had ever been out in it even though I have had it for about 2 years and that's before I knew I was Trans, I will post a picture one of these days.
The Taco's were great as always, not too many showed up but it was still fun thanks Marie.
Wednesday stayed home all day, did a little work and don't remember what else, I did get my new Social security card and changed my name for my HAM radio license, I need 1 letter from my doctor that I should get on Monday and then I can get my new Drivers License on Tuesday, can't wait for that one, the name change is moving right along.
OK I am up to date I hope the next one will be a VBLOG. Susan
One more thing, I have been on Hormones now for 4 months, I really can't tell if there are any changes, it is so hard to tell, I do have what I call baby boobs and they are nice, still a long way to go before I can wear an A cup, I hope by 6 months then I will ditch the fake ones, anyway I will be talking to the Doctor about that on Monday.
Part 2
So what do I think of the meeting, well we go to these meeting in the hope we can make things better but the only things that happen is a lot of talk and no action, the union has no power and I guess if the union supports me that's bad and if they don't it's good because the Chief does not listen to the union, he doesn't have to and will do what he wants anyway, I do feel OK with the union, I think that the people that have the problem with me realize that the union is not going to do the dirty work for them, I am also sure that I did not change their feelings towards me, I also felt like I may have gained more support from some of the others, that's all I can tell you.
The Chief comes back from vacation on Monday and I am sure he is going to be hit up with a lot of stuff, he has been gone for about a month, I would like to not be a part of it but I am sure I will be, I hope to be able to talk to him on Thursday.
The Chief comes back from vacation on Monday and I am sure he is going to be hit up with a lot of stuff, he has been gone for about a month, I would like to not be a part of it but I am sure I will be, I hope to be able to talk to him on Thursday.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Vblog Not
Well i tried to make a vblog today, I could not get the sound to work, nothing I do on this computer works right, I tried 6 different ways to get the sound to work right for 4 hours so you can guess how I feel right now.
I was going to vblog about last Monday night because I can express my self much better than writing, so for now it will be the same old way.
Sunday my first day off I was supposed to go out sailing with a friend but that didn't happen so I ended up staying home doing nothing, later that day I got a text message saying that there was going to be an important union meeting on Monday night, so later on I called one of the union officers to see what it was about to see if I really needed to be there, he said that they were going to discuss me and try to find out why the people that had a problem with me had not discussed it with me and maybe I could clear up some things, well that got my heart going, 1 they were going to talk about me, 2 I don't go anywhere not dressed up and most of them have not seen me dressed, 3 all but one of them are male firefighters, that made me stress out for a while, not once did I consider not going.
I got to work making copy's of paper work to hand out, a HRC manual for the union and I was going to show Donna's video Transgender Issues, by the time I had done all that and more reading I had settled down.
Monday I started the day going to see the therapist here in town, I told her that I would not be able to see her again until see confirmed that she was qualified to council me then the rest of the time I think we talked about my upcoming meeting.
After I left there I went down to the main fire station to drop off some of the paper work so that the union office could do some per reading before the meeting, I must have been there 15-20 minutes, it was also the first time I had been there in the day time dressed because I don't think some people wanted me to go dressed, when I left there and went home I had this strange feeling of power that I don't think I have ever felt before, kind of a neat feeling.
the next 5 hours I just stressed about the meeting until it was time to get ready, I put on my red dress and my favorite high heels and went to the meeting, I got there a little early so I read over my notes until it was time to go in, I just happened to get out of my truck when everybody was walking in so I went in with them, only one person said anything and it wasn't bad, I stopped in the back of the room to talk to the union guy because the dvd was not set up, he said that they would not have time to play it cause it is 45 minutes long, by then every body had sat down towards the back of the room, you know how nobody likes to sit in the front, they are just like little kids, so that meant that I had to walk passed them all to sit in the front row which I did.
The meeting started out with the normal business then the discussion turned to me, the president started, I don't remember every thing but basically said that he has known me for years and had never done him wrong, have always done my job, anyway it was all good stuff, then he said that people had been coming to him saying that they need to get me out of the union and the fire department, you know that part hurts, what I have I really done to them, am I an embarrassment to them and the department, are people saying things about them because I work there, yes it is not normal for people that are born into a male body to wear woman's clothing, they don't under stand that this was not my choice to be a transsexual, I don't know what it is that they have a problem with because they are not man enough to talk to me. one of the things they brought up was that I was going to fast, to me 55 years is not fast, to them it's been about 2 months since I came out to them and they don't like the in between stage, they think it would be easier if I walked in one day all done but we know that does not work ether, they said that it's hard because they used to look up to me and know I guess I have betrayed them, I told them that I am the same person in side, I will still pull them out of a burning building weather or not they like me, I will still do my job, I will still be me even though I look a little different.
I think it went OK, after the meeting some of the guys came over to me and shook my hand which was nice and I talked to one of the guys outside after wards and we will talk more later.
I am getting tired so I will write more tomorrow. Good Night. Susan
I was going to vblog about last Monday night because I can express my self much better than writing, so for now it will be the same old way.
Sunday my first day off I was supposed to go out sailing with a friend but that didn't happen so I ended up staying home doing nothing, later that day I got a text message saying that there was going to be an important union meeting on Monday night, so later on I called one of the union officers to see what it was about to see if I really needed to be there, he said that they were going to discuss me and try to find out why the people that had a problem with me had not discussed it with me and maybe I could clear up some things, well that got my heart going, 1 they were going to talk about me, 2 I don't go anywhere not dressed up and most of them have not seen me dressed, 3 all but one of them are male firefighters, that made me stress out for a while, not once did I consider not going.
I got to work making copy's of paper work to hand out, a HRC manual for the union and I was going to show Donna's video Transgender Issues, by the time I had done all that and more reading I had settled down.
Monday I started the day going to see the therapist here in town, I told her that I would not be able to see her again until see confirmed that she was qualified to council me then the rest of the time I think we talked about my upcoming meeting.
After I left there I went down to the main fire station to drop off some of the paper work so that the union office could do some per reading before the meeting, I must have been there 15-20 minutes, it was also the first time I had been there in the day time dressed because I don't think some people wanted me to go dressed, when I left there and went home I had this strange feeling of power that I don't think I have ever felt before, kind of a neat feeling.
the next 5 hours I just stressed about the meeting until it was time to get ready, I put on my red dress and my favorite high heels and went to the meeting, I got there a little early so I read over my notes until it was time to go in, I just happened to get out of my truck when everybody was walking in so I went in with them, only one person said anything and it wasn't bad, I stopped in the back of the room to talk to the union guy because the dvd was not set up, he said that they would not have time to play it cause it is 45 minutes long, by then every body had sat down towards the back of the room, you know how nobody likes to sit in the front, they are just like little kids, so that meant that I had to walk passed them all to sit in the front row which I did.
The meeting started out with the normal business then the discussion turned to me, the president started, I don't remember every thing but basically said that he has known me for years and had never done him wrong, have always done my job, anyway it was all good stuff, then he said that people had been coming to him saying that they need to get me out of the union and the fire department, you know that part hurts, what I have I really done to them, am I an embarrassment to them and the department, are people saying things about them because I work there, yes it is not normal for people that are born into a male body to wear woman's clothing, they don't under stand that this was not my choice to be a transsexual, I don't know what it is that they have a problem with because they are not man enough to talk to me. one of the things they brought up was that I was going to fast, to me 55 years is not fast, to them it's been about 2 months since I came out to them and they don't like the in between stage, they think it would be easier if I walked in one day all done but we know that does not work ether, they said that it's hard because they used to look up to me and know I guess I have betrayed them, I told them that I am the same person in side, I will still pull them out of a burning building weather or not they like me, I will still do my job, I will still be me even though I look a little different.
I think it went OK, after the meeting some of the guys came over to me and shook my hand which was nice and I talked to one of the guys outside after wards and we will talk more later.
I am getting tired so I will write more tomorrow. Good Night. Susan
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
