I remember when I was a little kid, maybe around eight years old looking at another kids legs and thinking how nice they were and whished mine were like that. At the time I didn’t wear shorts because of that song “who wears short shorts” I was too shy, in fact my mother had to drag me out to the school van the only day she made me wear them, I didn’t wear shorts until the summer of 1968, not that I didn’t want to wear shorts I was just too shy, now look at what I wear.
I do not remember this but my mother told my x wife that I used to play with dolls, all I remember is playing with the eyes when you tilt the head, I did have a GI Joe
I lived in this little village in England when I was young, about 80 people, we played in the barns a lot because there was not a lot to do, one day Billy and my self went into his house and stole 2 of his sisters skirts which we took to the barn and put on for fun, of course they were school girl skirts, need I say more about that, now after about 50 years I have a school girl skirt again.
Around the same time (13or14) I noticed lumps behind both nipples, something that worried me at the time, no way was I going to tell anybody or ask, I don’t know when they went away, looking back with what I know now was this my body not knowing what to do, which way to go female or male.
When we were getting ready to move to the US we were renting a house because we had sold our old house, I was lying awake in bed one night, didn’t sleep well in the old days, I was thinking about how I could become a girl, if there was a way my head could be put on a girls body because there bodies were so nice, if I had an island I could do it there or if they could do a brain transplant, of course I knew it was impossible, never going to happen. 1968
When I lived in Minnesota, we lived along the banks of the Mississippi river the same time I started wearing shorts, a lot of mine time was spent on the river, well there was this Island across from us, it was a good swim, I had stole some panty hose and a shaper, put them in a old coffee can and buried it on the island, well one day some kids saw me bury it, they didn’t tell anybody but boy was I embarrassed.
72-76 Not much happened for a while, too busy in the Navy.
Things started again around 76 after I got out of the Navy and had more time to mess around even though I lived with my mother in a farm house in Minnesota, I used to wear Speedos, not a big deal at the time, don’t remember too much, I do remember jumping in the snow one winter night naked when my mother wasn’t around.
After I married Lynn this gave me excuses to find more things to wear, that’s not why I got married it was just that I could get things now, this was when I ordered my first thong, we were out on the river in our boat, nobody around and I took off my shorts to reveal my thong, the wife was not a happy camper, demanded I cover up, go home and never wear them again, well that’s about how my 20+ years went, she kind of got used to it, never liked it, this is when she started thinking that I was gay, she asked me and I said no way was I gay, I think she wanted me to be a man like her dad, a real man, this caused a lot of fights over the years and took its toll on both of us, but I could not be the man she wanted me to be, I tried but even when I worn real men’s clothing it still didn’t work on me, it did look like I was gay.
I was roller skating down valley parkway in Escondido, a car pulled over and the guy asked if I wanted a blow job, I had short shorts on and no I did not have him give me a blow job.
Around the same time (1983) I would put on panty hose and shorts and drive to work at NAS Miramar then change in my truck before I went into the hanger, never got caught, gate inspections were not a big thing at the time and the wife was asleep at the time.
A friend of my wife didn’t like me at all, we were in Ocotillo Wells camping and he and his wife drove up when I was on my hands and knees unloading my truck, all he could see was my legs and butt, of course I had short shorts on, he said to his wife something about how good my ass and legs looked, he had never meet me before and didn’t know I was a guy, I guess he really embarrassed.
I was in the RV park pool where we had a trailer laying on my air mattress when a truck drove by with a bunch of young kids, they yelled at me, told me I needed tits to go with that ass.
I never wear boxers even when just relaxing, if I have anything on it’s a thong, I can not stand my thing hanging and rubbing, besides it looks real bad in my tight jeans which I always wear when its too cold to wear shorts or I am working where I might hurt my legs.
I started shaving my legs about ten years ago and loved it, the feel of it, it doesn’t look good with hairy legs and a thong. Then about six or eight years ago I shaved my chest, the only reason it took so long to do this was the wife, I knew she would not like it and I was right but the drive was there in me to look the way I wanted to look, I just didn’t worry about fighting with her, I was going to do it any way. Now last month December 08 I shaved my arm pits for the first time ever and then before the Christmas party I shaved my arms for the first time, so now I shave every part I can reach, I love the smooth feel, some times I just like to run my hands all over my body because it feels so good. The guys at work have not noticed my arms yet or they are just not saying anything because they know how I am, I have been called a girly man a number of times, I just laugh it off but it still keeps me from going back there.
In the 80s I got into body piecing, I had done my left ear one night for a Halloween party around 83; I went as a male dancer, bow tie, cuffs, black spandex tights and black shoes, had a hard time remembering which ear to do, then around 85 I was out on the ship and I did my nipples, it didn’t last because the navy does not like body piecing, guess what my wife did not like that as well, no surprise, I asked her if I could get this and that pierced, she said no and I did it anyway. I have eight piercing now with my right ear which I did December 08, I still have holes in the nipples but I don’t wear anything in them because the holes are not good.
The next years 1984 Halloween party I dressed as a witch, I shortened the dress, put on dark panty hose with fish net stockings over them to hide the hair, and women’s shoes with two inch heels, I went to the party like that with my wife, you know Halloween you can do what you want and get away with it, there were thee witches at that party, the other two were girls, the party was going good but slowing down a little when somebody decided to take the party to the bar, oh no what am I going to do now, I didn’t have a change of clothing with me, well I went to the bar dressed like that and loved it, it was even fun when I was in the men’s room peeing at the urinal, a guy came in saw me there turned around looked at the door to make sure he was in the right restroom then looked back at me and said “ there’s a site you don’t see too often”.
Have you ever thought about cutting that thing off between your legs? I have many times, one way was to get the little rubber rings that they put on lambs tails to remove them, they don’t even seem to know they are there. Another way would be just to cut it off, just put something tight around it so I don’t bleed to death, only hurt for a while and you can't put it back on so that would be good. That’s the things I used to think about, good job I didn’t go that way, I didn’t know that you could have a vagina made out of your old parts and have it work too, pee in the right place too, wow that’s cool but it does cost a little more than the rubber band and it takes longer. You may not think I could do it but I have done all my piercing myself, its not pain when it is something you like. I think it was 2006 when I looked into chemical castration just to get rid of the testosterone but after reading about it I decided it wasn’t for me, not that anybody would have done it.
I used to watch Maury Provich when he had transsexuals on the show, you know the ones, is this a man or woman, I couldn’t watch them all because that would have been too obvious. I didn’t know at the time why I was attracted to them, I also watch shows like the crying game, but a lot of the shows which portray transsexuals are just dumb, the WE channel has become one of my favorite channels, that’s where I saw sex change hospital and the secret lives of women.
I always wanted a tattoo from the time I was in boot camp but could never decide on what to get, guess what, the wife didn’t want me to get a tattoo, again no surprise, well last year for my birthday I finally got one, I had made a design about two years ago, the artist dressed it up a little and I got it where all men get tattoos, in the V of my thong, I cant help it that’s where I wanted it.
I always wanted to dance but was always too shy to get out there, when I hear music I like I just want to move, another thing that comes out very feminine with me, maybe its just that I only like watching women dance, I would still like to dance.
I am a shy exhibitionist; I love to show off when I dare, I go out on the lake in my thongs but not with big crowds around even though I want to.
I will update this some time because as the transition goes on I find out new things about myself and things I have forgotten.
