Neighbors

Ever since i moved in to my little house in BFE I have been a loner, not that I really wanted to be but the way I dressed it was better that way, I just did not think that my neighbors would like me, I have only been to one house in 6 years, Friday night I was invited over to one of the neighbors houses for a little get together Saturday night, these are people I have only talked to a few times over two years as that other person and have always been nice, I was going to go for sure.
So I arrived a little late, was not sure of the time to be there, anyway I walked in to the living room to five women and three men, once I was introduced I realized I knew three of the other people besides the hosts, they are members of the water board, I had never talked to them about anything other than water related stuff. after I was given a glass of wine I sat down with the ladies and worked my way into the small talk, after I was there about 45 minutes the guys went outside to start a fire, not too long later the hostess asked me "So Susan what's going on with you?" I had told her a little bit on Friday but she wanted to hear the rest of the story, I had already thought about this for the last day so I was ready and would have been disappointed had I not been able to, I started telling about myself and how I started, how I knew, about HBSOC, where I am at with my transition and my plans, Oh and hows it's going for me, some of the women knew a little bit about Transgender and others knew nothing, when the guys came in we got off track but got back to it a little later, when I had a one on one talk with the lady sitting next to me I noticed the hostess listing intently, the lady thanked me for talking about it so openly and I thanked her for letting me talk about it.
I was there four and a half hours and had a really nice time, I hope to be invited to more things like that, I think I looked good and my whole presentation was good, it does not get any better than that.

Susan

PS I have now been on hormones for 9 months.

WHY

why have I not been blogging much lately, well there is not much to blog about, dressing is an every day thing now so not a big deal, hormone changes are so slow that there is not much to write about, work has not been a problem, there is one thing but I will write about that later.

Why I have not been going out more, that's simple, no money honey, I am saving up for the big operation and electrolysis so not much left to play with, it's hard, I want to buy so much, I don't have winter clothing and I want to go places and do things but it's just going to have to wait for a year or two.

Why am I having a problem finding a friend to hang out with, is it because I live in BFE, is it because I don't go out much, I do go out more now than ever before. I have never been able to meet people on line, I am not a very good writer, never have been and when you can't write something witty people don't seem to be interested in you.

Why is it I feel like I did in high school, the emotions I have been having in the last flew months are tearing me up, things friends say or don't say, things friends do and don't do, I am really sensitive to every thing and it's not some thing they are doing wrong although it would be nice if they could be a little more sensitive to me until I learn how to handle this.

Why do I cry myself to sleep some nights, for things I can't have, other than that I can't talk about it here. there are somethings you can't blog about.

I thought I had more whys but I guess not, It may seem that I am having problems but I am OK, this has been the best year in a very long time for me and I hope it will get better, I changed the date of my surgery from July to June, so in six months and one week I will be leaving for Thailand.
I am happy with my breasts, I can actually fill out some of my tops now, I never thought I would like them so much, they are wonderful.
See things are Great.

OK I am done for now talk to you later.
Love Susan

How do I look

I have been talking to the ex wife lately mostly about paper work, I had to send her some papers and I sent her some pictures of me because she said she was ready to see what I look like now, so she got the pictures on Saturday and today we had to talk about more paper work and when we were done I asked her how do I look? well she did not say anything bad but she did not say anything good either, my hair is too long, I need to cover my arms, too much blue on my eyes so it makes me wonder, do my friends tell what I want to hear because they don't want to hurt my feelings are they telling me the truth, I know I am talking about the ex wife and why should I listen to her but I listen to every body and then I do what I like anyway but I still like to know what people think about how I look, it is the only way I can get better.

Yesterday I went to the swap meet then to breakfast and I walked around and across the London Bridge, I had no problems, did not even notice anybody looking at me so I must be doing something right and I love it and I feel good, that's what matters.