Friday, November 19, 2010
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
My Birthday
This is out of order but it has to be in here.
My 57th birthday was the best ever, my friends set me up for a surprise birthday party, Marie started setting me up like three weeks before hand, I was supposed to pick up LouAnne at the foot doctors office because Marie may still be up in Bullhead working, so i went down to pick LouAnne up a little before 5pm, i am almost always on time or before, I pulled into the parking lot and they were no cars there at all but when i say i am going to do something i do it, i think it was about 10 after and here comes LouAnne driving up, she gets out and starts telling me the foot was not as bad as they thought so she got out early and went to the pharmacy to pick up meds but now she needed to take them with food and could not wait for dinner (Marie was going to take me to dinner for my birthday)so she rode with me to a pizza house, again no cars in the parking lot, went in and surprise, they totally got me, it was great.
After we went to coffee at starbucks for a little while, then we went to B.J's bar Marie and myself played four games of pool, when we were leaving this women that had made a remark about me when she walked in with friends tried to get us to dance with her but we had to go, so she asked for a picture with us then she wanted an email address so i gave her my card, we left the bar LouAnne and Marie went home and i did too, about 1am i got this phone call and it was that women, she wanted me and my girl friends to come down to her house and party, well i knew that my friends would not want to go so she said i could just go and i did, i had a nice time, my first lesbian sex ever.
Best birthday ever.
2 Years
You know it's only 2 years that i have known that i was a transsexual, 2 years and i look back at all that i have done in those 2 years and how my life has changed, what will happen in the next 2 years.
So what am i going to do, well one is i will be moving sometime, don't know where to but it will be to somewhere that i can be more social, no more living out in the boondocks for me. I have a lot of work to do on my voice, I have to learn how to dance, how to cook much better, do my makeup and hair better, start getting some nice outfits and this is the biggest thing i think i need to do, that is learn how to sell myself as a person that people will like.
So what am i going to do, well one is i will be moving sometime, don't know where to but it will be to somewhere that i can be more social, no more living out in the boondocks for me. I have a lot of work to do on my voice, I have to learn how to dance, how to cook much better, do my makeup and hair better, start getting some nice outfits and this is the biggest thing i think i need to do, that is learn how to sell myself as a person that people will like.
Going Good
Up until the last post things have been going really good, I guess the more i do the more chances there are for things to go wrong, I have been so busy that i have not updated this in a while, life is really looking up like last Saturday night, one of my girl friends was in town visiting one of her boy friends, i met up with them at a bar, we all went to another one, then at closing we went to Lenny's then to they house where i had the first ever three some with a man and a women, wasn't the best, you know how guys are after drinking.
Then there was the dinner date that i got stood up on.
Next week i have a date in Vegas, this one is just for sex only, can't wait.
I have another women that wants me bad, haven't set up a date yet.
November i have kind of a date in Phoenix who i will be showing the ropes too, they are only 21.
I am not going to waist the few years i have left.
Then there was the dinner date that i got stood up on.
Next week i have a date in Vegas, this one is just for sex only, can't wait.
I have another women that wants me bad, haven't set up a date yet.
November i have kind of a date in Phoenix who i will be showing the ropes too, they are only 21.
I am not going to waist the few years i have left.
Stood Up
So last night i had a dinner date with a woman at a local restaurant which is also part owned by somebody i know, I was on time as always, went in and got a table, told the hostess i was waiting for a friend, after 15 minutes i ordered a glass of wine and waited, I noticed the part owner sitting at the bar so i went over to talk to him and say hi, before going back to my table i mentioned i was waiting for somebody. After waiting 45 minutes i had to make a decision on whether to just pay for my wine and leave or have dinner anyway which is what i did.
I know i had nothing to be embarrassed about but it is embarrassing to be stood up and it hurts, still does today and makes you feel like crap, the good thing about the whole thing is i had a nice dinner, was even too much for me to eat so so i just finished the left overs today at work, another good thing is maybe i won't feel so bad about going out to eat by myself now.
Is it normal for me not to want anybody to find out that i got stood up, embarrassed, the guy i know could tell people, oh well that's life.
The women did message me back after i messaged her, she was very apologetic about the confusion, i guess i will try again, i really do want to meet her, it took a month to set up that date.
I know i had nothing to be embarrassed about but it is embarrassing to be stood up and it hurts, still does today and makes you feel like crap, the good thing about the whole thing is i had a nice dinner, was even too much for me to eat so so i just finished the left overs today at work, another good thing is maybe i won't feel so bad about going out to eat by myself now.
Is it normal for me not to want anybody to find out that i got stood up, embarrassed, the guy i know could tell people, oh well that's life.
The women did message me back after i messaged her, she was very apologetic about the confusion, i guess i will try again, i really do want to meet her, it took a month to set up that date.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Still not doing too much due to the lack of money right now but this is about some things that happened in the last 2 days.
Sunday i went to Dillard's, i had an appointment at the Mac counter to try some new makeup, even though i always buy something(that's the idea i know) i still can't pass it up because i always learn more about makeup. they sure can make you look good.
After running around the rest of the day and waiting until bed time to take the makeup off i was trying to take it off and it would just not come off, i wiped and washed and rubbed, it would just come off, that's when i realized that it had come off and that was my skin i was looking at.
Last night i went out and met the GLBTS group at Hastings for coffee and to see two friends before they go back home, had mentioned something about going to a bar after-ward's because when i drive to town i like to make it a night, well that's what happened.
I had on one of my favorite short boob showing dresses and my new 5 inch heels, so i was ready. after about half hour we picked a bar, not much for fun bars here in havasu and it was a Monday night, well you all got there and of course it was quite, what we didn't know was that Karaoke started at 9pm along with happy hour, things started picking up with more people and music, we were just talking and all that and i was talking with friends about the normal trans stuff, like being in a place like that and if i looked ok, were people looking at me because i looked good or were they thinking i looked like a guy, you just never know what people are thinking. sometimes your friends do things that if you knew about them before hand you would just run and hide, we had noticed one older guy that had been watching me, well my one friend had gone up to him and said why don't you go ask her to dance (me) he told my friend that i was too cute to dance with him. another time he asked another friend if he would introduce us to these two women that had been looking at me which he did, turned out they were admiring my legs. I had just come off the dance floor and this women came up to me and said how gorgeous i was and could she ask me a personal question, i said sure as always, she said "my friends and i were having an argument about whether or not you were a man" so i told her i was trans and that now i was a women, she was totally surprised, then her friend came over and they seemed to love it, we went out and danced together and while we were out dancing this guy came up, this guy had been watching me all night too, he had been singing Karaoke when I was in the back of the room playing pool with a friend and remarking about me on the mic(all good stuff) he was with a group of 5 guys and 1 girl, anyway he came and butted in on the dance floor and started dancing with me so i went with it, that's when the girl from their group came and pulled him away, not sure what that was about but you know what i was guessing.
It was a really good night, i enjoyed it even though i was read, i can handle it so long as i don't get into trouble.
Sunday i went to Dillard's, i had an appointment at the Mac counter to try some new makeup, even though i always buy something(that's the idea i know) i still can't pass it up because i always learn more about makeup. they sure can make you look good.
After running around the rest of the day and waiting until bed time to take the makeup off i was trying to take it off and it would just not come off, i wiped and washed and rubbed, it would just come off, that's when i realized that it had come off and that was my skin i was looking at.
Last night i went out and met the GLBTS group at Hastings for coffee and to see two friends before they go back home, had mentioned something about going to a bar after-ward's because when i drive to town i like to make it a night, well that's what happened.
I had on one of my favorite short boob showing dresses and my new 5 inch heels, so i was ready. after about half hour we picked a bar, not much for fun bars here in havasu and it was a Monday night, well you all got there and of course it was quite, what we didn't know was that Karaoke started at 9pm along with happy hour, things started picking up with more people and music, we were just talking and all that and i was talking with friends about the normal trans stuff, like being in a place like that and if i looked ok, were people looking at me because i looked good or were they thinking i looked like a guy, you just never know what people are thinking. sometimes your friends do things that if you knew about them before hand you would just run and hide, we had noticed one older guy that had been watching me, well my one friend had gone up to him and said why don't you go ask her to dance (me) he told my friend that i was too cute to dance with him. another time he asked another friend if he would introduce us to these two women that had been looking at me which he did, turned out they were admiring my legs. I had just come off the dance floor and this women came up to me and said how gorgeous i was and could she ask me a personal question, i said sure as always, she said "my friends and i were having an argument about whether or not you were a man" so i told her i was trans and that now i was a women, she was totally surprised, then her friend came over and they seemed to love it, we went out and danced together and while we were out dancing this guy came up, this guy had been watching me all night too, he had been singing Karaoke when I was in the back of the room playing pool with a friend and remarking about me on the mic(all good stuff) he was with a group of 5 guys and 1 girl, anyway he came and butted in on the dance floor and started dancing with me so i went with it, that's when the girl from their group came and pulled him away, not sure what that was about but you know what i was guessing.
It was a really good night, i enjoyed it even though i was read, i can handle it so long as i don't get into trouble.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Getting up to date
I am a little behind on keeping this blog up to date so I will just go over what I have done in the last month.
Got back to the U.S on June 29th, Marie and Loanne met me at Planet Hollywood, we didn't have a lot of time but we did go out to eat and had a nice time.
The next day we left around 11am, I had to be home cause I had a preop appointment at 4pm in Havasu, would have liked to stay in Vegas a little longer, I want to go back there to do some shopping when I have money.
Tried to go to my appointment but on my way in to town I got a call canceling it, I finally got it done 3 appointments later on the next Monday.
Think all I did the rest of the week was rest up and I did start walking to help getting back into shape.
Friday was the other big day I had been waiting for the last 3 months, I drove down to Marie's house and then she drove me down to the surgery center for my BA, not sure how long I was there, I think about 3 hours of course I don't remember much because of the drugs, Marie picked me up from recovery and took me back to her house where I stayed for a few hours before I felt good enough to drive home, there was no pain just a little bit sore and I know I was not supposed to drive but I felt fine, I love Marie but there is no place like home, the next two days were resting only, Monday all I had to do was go in and get my new boobs checked out and the ace bandage off which was replaced with a sports bra, this was the first I got to look at my 600cc boobs, wow they are so big, so high and tight, in a few months they will be much nicer.
The next day I went for a lab test to check my hormones and then I went for Taco Tuesday at Marie's, Friday was my second post op with the doctor, this whole week I was so tired from the surgery, all I did at home was lay a round, the next week was about the same thing with Taco's on Tuesday and another check up on the boobs. oh one more thing I did go to see my work doctor for my permission to go back to work slip which I got with no problem, I just have to go back to see him after working for 2 weeks.
The last week I went to Phoenix for more electrolysis (never ends) I have not had any in two months so I thought it may be a little harder but 40 hours that sucked, it's a good job I like the people or I would hate it.
Saw my hormone doctor for a check up on that and went to see my hair person on Thursday after electrolysis.
Went to a friends house on Thursday had pizza and talked, a really nice evening.
Got home Friday afternoon and stayed home all weekend to rest up for my first shift back at work in 2 months.
My ex-wife called me on Sunday with some good news, she got remarried which means no more support payments to her, this is something I never thought would happen.
My first shift went good, we only had one call which was a roll over so I did not have much hard work to do, sat around and caught up on EMS courses on the computer.
Nobody has asked me anything about my surgery's all they ask is how I am doing, I don't think I want to know what they say behind my back.
That petty much brings us up to date, I just completed my second shift back at work with no problems so I think I am good to go and there should be no new problems unless I make them, my SRS is healing good as is my BA, the next few months I will be trying to get back in shape, saving money for my next appointment for face lift in January and of course electrolysis.
My Trip Home
Monday, July 5, 2010 at 9:18pm
The trip home was not something that I was looking forward to mostly because I was leaving my new friends.
My day started at 3 am, dilated and then got ready to go, had one last person to say goodbye to before Danny would be there to take me to the airport.
I knew it was going to be a long day on the way to the airport because I was already hurting, we arrived at the airport on time, Danny loaded the bags on a cart and we went to the JAL ticket window, I had already called 2 days before to confirm the flight and make the wheelchair request, the only thing the lady asked me was why I needed a wheelchair, I just said surgery, didn't have to show the doctors letter, So I said goodbye to Danny and sat down to wait for my wheelchair, the wheelchair was something hard for me to do, everybody looks at you more, I just looked straight ahead and tried not to look at anybody in the eye.
The wheelchair service was really nice, all the people were nice too, one of the best parts was that I did not have to know where I was going, they all knew the way of course and the other part was that we jumped all the lines, the security check points were different too, I got wheeled through two of them and got patted down on the other side, at LA they asked if I could walk through which I did, the only bad thing about the wheelchair was that it made me sit down for more hours, I think the whole trip took about 20 hours.
The first plane ride to Japan on JAL was nice, the flight attendants on JAL even carried my bags aboard for me, not like when I walked aboard the American Airlines flight, being the first on the plane I saw the flight attendants looking at magazines in the back, not that I needed the help but it just show the difference, I will chose a foreign airline when ever I can for any flights in the future.
They changed the seats for me on the plane from Japan to Dallas, they moved me to the first row of the cattle car section because of more leg room, that was nice at least, the only trouble with that is it is also the row where they put the baby's which there were three of, they screamed for 3/4's of the 11 hour flight so no sleeping for me, the good part of that was that the row in front of us was the back row of business section, these guys paid a lot more for the seats but still had to listen to the kids, it did make me smile. The seat I had looked straight the aisle so I watched how the other half live, business class sure drinks a lot.
When we were about an hour from landing the pilot came over the intercom and told us that about half way through the flight there was a mechanical problem with the plane which caused them to fly at a lower altitude and that made the plane use more fuel so we did not have enough fuel to reach Dallas and that we were going to land at LA instead, that worked out good for me because I was able to get a flight direct to Las Vegas which put me in there two hours earlier, if I had not changed flights they would have sent me to Dallas to catch my plane back to Vegas.
That was my trip home, hard but what choice was there, I would do it again in a heart beat for the most wonderful experience I have ever had.
The trip home was not something that I was looking forward to mostly because I was leaving my new friends.
My day started at 3 am, dilated and then got ready to go, had one last person to say goodbye to before Danny would be there to take me to the airport.
I knew it was going to be a long day on the way to the airport because I was already hurting, we arrived at the airport on time, Danny loaded the bags on a cart and we went to the JAL ticket window, I had already called 2 days before to confirm the flight and make the wheelchair request, the only thing the lady asked me was why I needed a wheelchair, I just said surgery, didn't have to show the doctors letter, So I said goodbye to Danny and sat down to wait for my wheelchair, the wheelchair was something hard for me to do, everybody looks at you more, I just looked straight ahead and tried not to look at anybody in the eye.
The wheelchair service was really nice, all the people were nice too, one of the best parts was that I did not have to know where I was going, they all knew the way of course and the other part was that we jumped all the lines, the security check points were different too, I got wheeled through two of them and got patted down on the other side, at LA they asked if I could walk through which I did, the only bad thing about the wheelchair was that it made me sit down for more hours, I think the whole trip took about 20 hours.
The first plane ride to Japan on JAL was nice, the flight attendants on JAL even carried my bags aboard for me, not like when I walked aboard the American Airlines flight, being the first on the plane I saw the flight attendants looking at magazines in the back, not that I needed the help but it just show the difference, I will chose a foreign airline when ever I can for any flights in the future.
They changed the seats for me on the plane from Japan to Dallas, they moved me to the first row of the cattle car section because of more leg room, that was nice at least, the only trouble with that is it is also the row where they put the baby's which there were three of, they screamed for 3/4's of the 11 hour flight so no sleeping for me, the good part of that was that the row in front of us was the back row of business section, these guys paid a lot more for the seats but still had to listen to the kids, it did make me smile. The seat I had looked straight the aisle so I watched how the other half live, business class sure drinks a lot.
When we were about an hour from landing the pilot came over the intercom and told us that about half way through the flight there was a mechanical problem with the plane which caused them to fly at a lower altitude and that made the plane use more fuel so we did not have enough fuel to reach Dallas and that we were going to land at LA instead, that worked out good for me because I was able to get a flight direct to Las Vegas which put me in there two hours earlier, if I had not changed flights they would have sent me to Dallas to catch my plane back to Vegas.
That was my trip home, hard but what choice was there, I would do it again in a heart beat for the most wonderful experience I have ever had.
This blew me away
Saturday, June 19, 2010 at 8:26pm
There is a girl here for SRS who is in the British Army, she is on leave right now so she is getting paid and when healed will return back to her command, she still has to pay for SRS herself but medications are paid for.
When I first met her I just thought that she used to be in the Army, I never thought that she could still be there, yes everybody knows about it and it's cool.
We are so far behind it sucks, even if we get rid of don't ask don't tell we will still be way behind this and how could I have not heard about this, this is something that I think should be known.
It still blows me away.
There is a girl here for SRS who is in the British Army, she is on leave right now so she is getting paid and when healed will return back to her command, she still has to pay for SRS herself but medications are paid for.
When I first met her I just thought that she used to be in the Army, I never thought that she could still be there, yes everybody knows about it and it's cool.
We are so far behind it sucks, even if we get rid of don't ask don't tell we will still be way behind this and how could I have not heard about this, this is something that I think should be known.
It still blows me away.
Blank
Friday, June 18, 2010 at 10:15pm
The last 2 days my mind has kind of been a blank of what to write, I looked at my calendar and saw that I had only been out of the hospital for a week, it has really felt more like 2 weeks but I have been having a nice time with the girls, normally when you are having a good time, time fly's by like on a weekend.
Yesterday I was doing things all day and then we had the hotel management cocktail party, it was not anything real big bit it was nice and I got to dress up for it too.
Today some of us are going over to the hospital to visit some of the girls there, something we try to do when we can walk enough, doctor say always " don't walk too much"
So see you later. Susan
The last 2 days my mind has kind of been a blank of what to write, I looked at my calendar and saw that I had only been out of the hospital for a week, it has really felt more like 2 weeks but I have been having a nice time with the girls, normally when you are having a good time, time fly's by like on a weekend.
Yesterday I was doing things all day and then we had the hotel management cocktail party, it was not anything real big bit it was nice and I got to dress up for it too.
Today some of us are going over to the hospital to visit some of the girls there, something we try to do when we can walk enough, doctor say always " don't walk too much"
So see you later. Susan
What the new heath care system did to me.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010 at 9:31pm
The week before I came to Thailand I had to make some big decisions about what to do about my medical insurance, what happened is that the Fire Department where I work has to renew the medical insurance every year by the end of June, I started getting emails and notes in my box at work to fill out new medical insurance applications because they were trying to find a cheaper insurance, I really don't like doing that in the first place because I don't need the whole world to know my business.
What happened next upset me then made me mad, first I was told was that the insurance was going to go up by 30% because of some people in the Department, what I did next I should not have done but I did because I did not think it was me, I asked the person who does this at the table with other people sitting around, was it because of me and she said yes and that we had been blackballed by other insurance company s so there was no chance of going anywhere else, all we could do is stay with the same company and pay 30% more with the deuductable doubled.
We have a small department with about 30 full time employees, young guys with family's who have a hard time now paying the copay, so what was going to happen when it goes up, something has to give.
I should say that the whole reason this is happening is because of the new insurance rules, in the old blue-cross rules nothing that happened to me because of compilation's from GID, hormones or surgery's was not covered, now I am covered and can not be dropped because of preexisting condition's and the way the insurance company is going to make that up is raising the cost.
OK so now everybody in the Department knows that because of me I was going to be taking money out of the pockets of everybody, this was not a good feeling on many levels.
Now what really pissed off the person doing all the work had forgotten from last year was that I had my retired military insurance so I was the only person who this was not going to effect too much but this made her mad because in her eyes I did not even need the department insurance that was now going to cost them so much money.
So what to do, I could do nothing and have both insurances which would probably make every body pissed at me and maybe more, or I could drop the department insurance which would help everybody except me or broker a deal which I did, I don't like it, I think it's wrong that I should have to do that but I think it was the right thing to do, I just hope it works out for everybody.
The week before I came to Thailand I had to make some big decisions about what to do about my medical insurance, what happened is that the Fire Department where I work has to renew the medical insurance every year by the end of June, I started getting emails and notes in my box at work to fill out new medical insurance applications because they were trying to find a cheaper insurance, I really don't like doing that in the first place because I don't need the whole world to know my business.
What happened next upset me then made me mad, first I was told was that the insurance was going to go up by 30% because of some people in the Department, what I did next I should not have done but I did because I did not think it was me, I asked the person who does this at the table with other people sitting around, was it because of me and she said yes and that we had been blackballed by other insurance company s so there was no chance of going anywhere else, all we could do is stay with the same company and pay 30% more with the deuductable doubled.
We have a small department with about 30 full time employees, young guys with family's who have a hard time now paying the copay, so what was going to happen when it goes up, something has to give.
I should say that the whole reason this is happening is because of the new insurance rules, in the old blue-cross rules nothing that happened to me because of compilation's from GID, hormones or surgery's was not covered, now I am covered and can not be dropped because of preexisting condition's and the way the insurance company is going to make that up is raising the cost.
OK so now everybody in the Department knows that because of me I was going to be taking money out of the pockets of everybody, this was not a good feeling on many levels.
Now what really pissed off the person doing all the work had forgotten from last year was that I had my retired military insurance so I was the only person who this was not going to effect too much but this made her mad because in her eyes I did not even need the department insurance that was now going to cost them so much money.
So what to do, I could do nothing and have both insurances which would probably make every body pissed at me and maybe more, or I could drop the department insurance which would help everybody except me or broker a deal which I did, I don't like it, I think it's wrong that I should have to do that but I think it was the right thing to do, I just hope it works out for everybody.
Believing it
Monday, June 14, 2010 at 5:02am
Every once in a wile and it's getting to be less now I have thoughts like I can't believe I did this, It's just that it has been so long in coming and I had put it out of my mind for so many years that I never thought it would happen, now that it has I don't think it has fully hit me yet, maybe when I get home or some little thing will make it hit me.
When I started my trip every step of the way here it would hit me that I was actually on my way, I had to think of other things just to keep the eyes dry, but when Sin picked me up at the airport I lost it.
After I have been home for awhile and back at work this may seem just like the best dream ever but with a difference, I will have my something that nobody can take away from me and new sisters that I will have something in common with for the rest of our lives.
Every once in a wile and it's getting to be less now I have thoughts like I can't believe I did this, It's just that it has been so long in coming and I had put it out of my mind for so many years that I never thought it would happen, now that it has I don't think it has fully hit me yet, maybe when I get home or some little thing will make it hit me.
When I started my trip every step of the way here it would hit me that I was actually on my way, I had to think of other things just to keep the eyes dry, but when Sin picked me up at the airport I lost it.
After I have been home for awhile and back at work this may seem just like the best dream ever but with a difference, I will have my something that nobody can take away from me and new sisters that I will have something in common with for the rest of our lives.
Feeling Special
Sunday, June 13, 2010 at 9:21pm
I have had the feeling of being special for the last 6 or 8 months and I do feel special still but now it's changed and really has nothing to do with SRS, these things were changing before, I guess we are in a state of constant change and more so with our special circumstances, I know that I am here in a concentrated point where many of us come for surgery and I could expect to meet many other girls like myself but after being here for about 2 weeks and meeting so many beautiful people I don't feel so special anymore, I feel normal, although we will always be special because it takes a special kind of person to go through what we do.
I have had the feeling of being special for the last 6 or 8 months and I do feel special still but now it's changed and really has nothing to do with SRS, these things were changing before, I guess we are in a state of constant change and more so with our special circumstances, I know that I am here in a concentrated point where many of us come for surgery and I could expect to meet many other girls like myself but after being here for about 2 weeks and meeting so many beautiful people I don't feel so special anymore, I feel normal, although we will always be special because it takes a special kind of person to go through what we do.
Removal
Thursday, June 10, 2010 at 8:21pm
Everything was removed this morning, it only took 15 mintues and a lot of that was him explaining things to me, didn't hurt at all.
I look like crap after laying here for 7 days so time for a good shower, fix my hair and makeup.
One thing I need to do before I leave is be able to pee.
All this is hard to think about doing be fore hand but once the time comes it's easy, don't worry over what there is nothing to worry about.
This is still not over for me, it still take about a year to fully heal from this and this is not my last operation.
I am feeling good, so good that I cry about just feeling good.
Susan
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Senza Pelo MedSpa Just wishing you well
June 11 at 10:57pm · LikeUnlike ·
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Denise Johnson Susan, I'm sooooo happy for you! *can't wait til it's my turn*
July 1 at 3:15am · LikeUnlike ·
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It just occurred to me
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Wednesday, June 9, 2010 at 2:49am | Edit Note | Delete
It just occurred to me I feel no sense of loss, never really thought I would but there is nothing at all, just another sign that this is right.
Updated about 2 months ago · Comment · LikeUnlike
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Mary Sakry and Michelle Hughes like this.
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Monique Lemmons thats because it was ment to be:)
June 9 at 7:43am via Facebook Mobile · LikeUnlike ·
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Mary Sakry OMG, no loss just becoming MORE the real YOU!
June 9 at 9:52am · LikeUnlike ·
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Everything was removed this morning, it only took 15 mintues and a lot of that was him explaining things to me, didn't hurt at all.
I look like crap after laying here for 7 days so time for a good shower, fix my hair and makeup.
One thing I need to do before I leave is be able to pee.
All this is hard to think about doing be fore hand but once the time comes it's easy, don't worry over what there is nothing to worry about.
This is still not over for me, it still take about a year to fully heal from this and this is not my last operation.
I am feeling good, so good that I cry about just feeling good.
Susan
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Senza Pelo MedSpa Just wishing you well
June 11 at 10:57pm · LikeUnlike ·
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Denise Johnson Susan, I'm sooooo happy for you! *can't wait til it's my turn*
July 1 at 3:15am · LikeUnlike ·
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It just occurred to me
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Wednesday, June 9, 2010 at 2:49am | Edit Note | Delete
It just occurred to me I feel no sense of loss, never really thought I would but there is nothing at all, just another sign that this is right.
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Monique Lemmons thats because it was ment to be:)
June 9 at 7:43am via Facebook Mobile · LikeUnlike ·
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Mary Sakry OMG, no loss just becoming MORE the real YOU!
June 9 at 9:52am · LikeUnlike ·
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It just occurred to me
Wednesday, June 9, 2010 at 2:49am
It just occurred to me I feel no sense of loss, never really thought I would but there is nothing at all, just another sign that this is right.
It just occurred to me I feel no sense of loss, never really thought I would but there is nothing at all, just another sign that this is right.
Hospital day 5, I think, good drugs.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010 at 11:00pm
This morning I woke up at 3 am my time, that was OK because I fell asleep around 9pm, but what is there to do at 3am, so i plugged in my mp3 player and started to listen to 3 CD's that Marie had made for me about a year ago, well it didn't take long before I was crying again, it's funny how some of the smallest things can mean so much to you and I am not even on hormones.
today was a big day cause I was able to get out of bed after Dr Suporn checked me out, I did have to wait until 10am for the nurses to help me and make sure I didn't pass out after laying down for 5 days and with their help took my first shower and the first look at myself in the mirror, sure looks different but it is so swollen right now if I was to wear the wrong pants or whatever it would be the biggest Camel toe you had ever seen.
The IV was removed this morning, the connection is still there just in case so now I only have the one hose coming out of me, the drain was removed yesterday, the catheter gets removed the last day i think then you have to pee on your own or it gets put back in and have to walk around the hotel like that so the last day I am going to drink all the water I can.
After the shower I thought I was going to have to go back to bed but the nurse said i could go next door and visit with my friend Camila, we had only met the day she checked into the hospital, I had never met her before only on email, she had her operation the day before me, Camila is so beautiful in mind and body, I am looking forward to recovering with her.
I am back in my room now to rest then maybe a little walk about later.
One thing about the drugs, they don't coat them to make them taste good, they are nasty.
I took pictures but I am not going to show you.
Susan
This morning I woke up at 3 am my time, that was OK because I fell asleep around 9pm, but what is there to do at 3am, so i plugged in my mp3 player and started to listen to 3 CD's that Marie had made for me about a year ago, well it didn't take long before I was crying again, it's funny how some of the smallest things can mean so much to you and I am not even on hormones.
today was a big day cause I was able to get out of bed after Dr Suporn checked me out, I did have to wait until 10am for the nurses to help me and make sure I didn't pass out after laying down for 5 days and with their help took my first shower and the first look at myself in the mirror, sure looks different but it is so swollen right now if I was to wear the wrong pants or whatever it would be the biggest Camel toe you had ever seen.
The IV was removed this morning, the connection is still there just in case so now I only have the one hose coming out of me, the drain was removed yesterday, the catheter gets removed the last day i think then you have to pee on your own or it gets put back in and have to walk around the hotel like that so the last day I am going to drink all the water I can.
After the shower I thought I was going to have to go back to bed but the nurse said i could go next door and visit with my friend Camila, we had only met the day she checked into the hospital, I had never met her before only on email, she had her operation the day before me, Camila is so beautiful in mind and body, I am looking forward to recovering with her.
I am back in my room now to rest then maybe a little walk about later.
One thing about the drugs, they don't coat them to make them taste good, they are nasty.
I took pictures but I am not going to show you.
Susan
Checked into the Hospital
Thursday, June 3, 2010 at 4:43am
The day went fast, first I had breakfast with the girls then we went out shopping, it's hard to find a 220 volt hair dryer at home, the other reason I had to go out today was that I wanted to see where all the stores were at while I can still walk around easy, anyway that made a lot of the day go by fast.
At around 2:30 I went over to the clinic to fill out paper work and sign forms, after which I had my consultation with Dr Suporn, then to the hospital. Oh they gave me my dilators too, I am going to be seeing a lot of them soon.
So I was checked in to the hospital and all this is done for you, all I had to do was sit there and sign papers. then up to my room 903, I have been here for 2 hours now and had my blood pressure checked 3 times already. The psychiatrist came in and talked to me for the second letter, you get this paper and on one side I had to draw a women from head to toe, on the other side I had to draw a house with trees and people, then he asks you to explain your drawings to him, no I don't under stand but I passed and that's all that matters.
The anesthesiologist just came in and checked me out and explained a flew things.
Well tonight I think I get shaved, not like there is much there anyway and then the enema's, who's having all the fun now, the party starts around 9pm.
Surgery is at 8:30am and that's all you are going to hear from me for a while until I know which way is up again.
I am really not sure if I believe that I am really here, I know that I worked hard to get here, once I got started there was not much that could have stopped me, I have never known anything to be as right as this was in me.
I will try to write more later if I have time before I cross over to the other side.
The day went fast, first I had breakfast with the girls then we went out shopping, it's hard to find a 220 volt hair dryer at home, the other reason I had to go out today was that I wanted to see where all the stores were at while I can still walk around easy, anyway that made a lot of the day go by fast.
At around 2:30 I went over to the clinic to fill out paper work and sign forms, after which I had my consultation with Dr Suporn, then to the hospital. Oh they gave me my dilators too, I am going to be seeing a lot of them soon.
So I was checked in to the hospital and all this is done for you, all I had to do was sit there and sign papers. then up to my room 903, I have been here for 2 hours now and had my blood pressure checked 3 times already. The psychiatrist came in and talked to me for the second letter, you get this paper and on one side I had to draw a women from head to toe, on the other side I had to draw a house with trees and people, then he asks you to explain your drawings to him, no I don't under stand but I passed and that's all that matters.
The anesthesiologist just came in and checked me out and explained a flew things.
Well tonight I think I get shaved, not like there is much there anyway and then the enema's, who's having all the fun now, the party starts around 9pm.
Surgery is at 8:30am and that's all you are going to hear from me for a while until I know which way is up again.
I am really not sure if I believe that I am really here, I know that I worked hard to get here, once I got started there was not much that could have stopped me, I have never known anything to be as right as this was in me.
I will try to write more later if I have time before I cross over to the other side.
This is the start of a new set of notes from Thailand
Wednesday, June 2, 2010 at 4:27pm
One day to go, I knew I would be able to say that one day but it seemed like forever getting here.
To day I have to get cleaned up, then breakfast with the girls, after that going out to get money changed and pick up some things I need, also to see where things are at with Jerrilynn.
At noon I have to meet the van which will take me to the hospital to be admitted I guess then later I have to go back to the clinic to see Dr Suporn then back to the hospital for a week.
Tonight maybe my last post for 2 or 3 days, talk to you later. Susan
One day to go, I knew I would be able to say that one day but it seemed like forever getting here.
To day I have to get cleaned up, then breakfast with the girls, after that going out to get money changed and pick up some things I need, also to see where things are at with Jerrilynn.
At noon I have to meet the van which will take me to the hospital to be admitted I guess then later I have to go back to the clinic to see Dr Suporn then back to the hospital for a week.
Tonight maybe my last post for 2 or 3 days, talk to you later. Susan
Monday, July 26, 2010
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
The Time is coming
I have 30 days until surgery, it's been a long time coming but it's almost here, people ask me if i am excited, I don't really think I am because I have been thinking about this for so long, it's more that I am ready, it's time. I do seem to be stressing out a bit though but that is because of all the things I have to plan and just hoping that I make it there and on time. The other thing is that all my bills have come this month and I am juggling the money.
Electrolysis is going good, I have had four mega sessions so far this year with another one the week before I leave, this is why I took out the line of credit so I would have the money to get other things done besides the surgery, my face is looking a lot better and it takes less time now to clear my face which is also good on the pocket book, the last time in it took about 1 1/2 days of two people working on me to clear the face.
Work is going along with no problems, it's just routine now, everybody seems to be used to me which takes some of the fun out of it.
The rest of my life is going along just like it should, I do every thing that a normal person does and that surprises me all the time, that I am able to live my life like this, I sometimes I can't believe that I am doing this and that tells me all the time that this is right for me, this is how I was supposed to be.
I did get some help from uncle Sam in the form of a nice tax return, I have plans for that, not going to say what those plans are right now, got to have some surprises.
Well that be all for now.
Susan
Electrolysis is going good, I have had four mega sessions so far this year with another one the week before I leave, this is why I took out the line of credit so I would have the money to get other things done besides the surgery, my face is looking a lot better and it takes less time now to clear my face which is also good on the pocket book, the last time in it took about 1 1/2 days of two people working on me to clear the face.
Work is going along with no problems, it's just routine now, everybody seems to be used to me which takes some of the fun out of it.
The rest of my life is going along just like it should, I do every thing that a normal person does and that surprises me all the time, that I am able to live my life like this, I sometimes I can't believe that I am doing this and that tells me all the time that this is right for me, this is how I was supposed to be.
I did get some help from uncle Sam in the form of a nice tax return, I have plans for that, not going to say what those plans are right now, got to have some surprises.
Well that be all for now.
Susan
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Tranny
The last time I came back from Phoenix from having electrolysis I had a little incident at the Safeway parking lot here in Havasu. Well when I come home I am usually not looking too good, I have my work hair on and no makeup because it's not good to put it on when your face is all torn up, but other than that I was dressed nice.
I came out of the store with my shopping cart, walked over to my car and this small white pickup truck had parked on the right side of me, there was two young guys in the front and another two in the bed of the truck, well I unloaded my bags into the trunk, then I pushed the cart over to the shopping cart area and that's when I heard something about "Tranny" I don't remember what all they said but it wasn't anything too bad, I got in my car and looked over at one of the guys in the bed of the truck, He gave me the universal single to show him my tits, well I just shuck my head and smiled, he smiled back and I was gone.
For me this is the first time I have been called Tranny out in pubic, it did not bother me at all, in fact I kind of liked it, maybe because they were paying me attention, not sure, I think it's all in the attitude and the way you handle things, I knew I was not looking too good that day but I had to go shopping so I could eat at work the next day or I would have put it off until I could look better.
I came out of the store with my shopping cart, walked over to my car and this small white pickup truck had parked on the right side of me, there was two young guys in the front and another two in the bed of the truck, well I unloaded my bags into the trunk, then I pushed the cart over to the shopping cart area and that's when I heard something about "Tranny" I don't remember what all they said but it wasn't anything too bad, I got in my car and looked over at one of the guys in the bed of the truck, He gave me the universal single to show him my tits, well I just shuck my head and smiled, he smiled back and I was gone.
For me this is the first time I have been called Tranny out in pubic, it did not bother me at all, in fact I kind of liked it, maybe because they were paying me attention, not sure, I think it's all in the attitude and the way you handle things, I knew I was not looking too good that day but I had to go shopping so I could eat at work the next day or I would have put it off until I could look better.
Monday, April 5, 2010
One less month to live
It may seem like I have a negative attitude but not really, quite a flew years ago I was told to not wish time would go by so fast, like I wish this day would end so I can go home, well that has stayed with me for a long time so to not wish my life away I say one less day to live.
Transition is now at 13 months, hormones twelve months, another month has just gone by petty fast, the first three weeks of March were very busy with the last week being slow, I did not want to go out because I was growing out my facial hair for electrolysis last week, another thirty one hours total time.
Most everything is going good, the only bad thing is that I got my first death threat, it was relayed to me by a friend that wanted to warn me, this guy told her that I was going to get shot in the head when a guy goes down on me and finds something between my legs that doesn't belong there, well that's not going to happen with me because I am not that kind of girl, nobody is going down on me until after I have healed from my surgery, then maybe I will be that kind of girl.
I will be more careful though.
Notable things I did last month.
My friend Billie came to play with me one day, we went out for lunch, took pictures and went to taco dinner at Marie's, very nice day.
Went to Phoenix for electrolysis and got another new hair piece.
Marie had a special dinner for an out of town friend, I will just say that turned out to be a very special night.
Did my tax's, went to a spaghetti dinner at the fire station with two of my friends and I went for a BA consult, it was a very good month so I did not waist one day of my life.
Today I have sixty one days until surgery, fifty six days until I leave, not like I am counting the days but is is something I have to keep track of or else I will not be ready to go, all my plans are going good so far, I have to go two more times to Phoenix for electrolysis and a flew other minor things I need to do other than that my schedule is petty much open, so far, I am putting out a lot of money right now for electrolysis so that is one reason I will not be doing too much so hopefully that will give me more time to work on that bikini body for summer.
T-Girls Rule Susan
Transition is now at 13 months, hormones twelve months, another month has just gone by petty fast, the first three weeks of March were very busy with the last week being slow, I did not want to go out because I was growing out my facial hair for electrolysis last week, another thirty one hours total time.
Most everything is going good, the only bad thing is that I got my first death threat, it was relayed to me by a friend that wanted to warn me, this guy told her that I was going to get shot in the head when a guy goes down on me and finds something between my legs that doesn't belong there, well that's not going to happen with me because I am not that kind of girl, nobody is going down on me until after I have healed from my surgery, then maybe I will be that kind of girl.
I will be more careful though.
Notable things I did last month.
My friend Billie came to play with me one day, we went out for lunch, took pictures and went to taco dinner at Marie's, very nice day.
Went to Phoenix for electrolysis and got another new hair piece.
Marie had a special dinner for an out of town friend, I will just say that turned out to be a very special night.
Did my tax's, went to a spaghetti dinner at the fire station with two of my friends and I went for a BA consult, it was a very good month so I did not waist one day of my life.
Today I have sixty one days until surgery, fifty six days until I leave, not like I am counting the days but is is something I have to keep track of or else I will not be ready to go, all my plans are going good so far, I have to go two more times to Phoenix for electrolysis and a flew other minor things I need to do other than that my schedule is petty much open, so far, I am putting out a lot of money right now for electrolysis so that is one reason I will not be doing too much so hopefully that will give me more time to work on that bikini body for summer.
T-Girls Rule Susan
Thursday, March 18, 2010
I Cry Because
I cry because of what I can never be
I cry because I am sad
I cry because I am happy
I cry because I cry for others
I cry because of what the future brings
I cry because I can still love
I cry because I am lonely
I cry because I am part of the world again
I cry because I have beautiful friends
I cry because I am now happy being me
I cry because I am sad
I cry because I am happy
I cry because I cry for others
I cry because of what the future brings
I cry because I can still love
I cry because I am lonely
I cry because I am part of the world again
I cry because I have beautiful friends
I cry because I am now happy being me
Thursday, March 4, 2010
OMG
I was out grocery shopping and I walked out of the store, there was a man standing there like he was waiting for me to come out, he was around 28, 200lbs, black tee shirt, he said excuse me can I ask you something, I said sure, what gym do you work out at, I said I don't go to a gym, he said are your arms just naturally that big, I said yes, he thanked me and walked off into the parking lot, I did notice him looking back at me.
I was not ready for that question, I was expecting a TG related question, I guess I need to think about all the things people could ask me and be ready with an answer next time, I think I will always get one that's unexpected.
Of course he could have asked me that as an ice breaker.
I was not ready for that question, I was expecting a TG related question, I guess I need to think about all the things people could ask me and be ready with an answer next time, I think I will always get one that's unexpected.
Of course he could have asked me that as an ice breaker.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
The One Year Report
One year on hormones, I wish I could say the year went bye fast but it didn't, if it wasn't for being so busy I would have gone nuts, ops already there.
So what have hormones done for me? well that depends on what day you ask me, I saw a picture of my self the other day that I looked like I did before I started this and then two days before that I got dressed to go out and looking in the mirror I looked so hot, so how do I tell you what has changed.
Just the facts mam, what I know for sure is not much, the first six months very little changed, I got the mounds behind the nipples and my skin got softer, I am not sure if I got more sensitive from the hormones or if it was because now it was OK to show my feelings.
After my nose surgery is when things seemed like they kicked in, the lab tests had showed that my testosterone and estrogen were at the same levels but then after the surgery the testosterone dropped down to near nothing, where they should have been all along, this is when I started to notice that my breasts seemed to have grown, the reason I say seemed is because I stopped wearing the breast forms and found real bras that fit, I check my measurements every month and they just don't change, my weight does not change, I can see a difference now, it is so slow, it's a real test of patience, in the last month I did notice a one inch drop in chest size, not breast, chest which is maybe why they look a little bigger.
Body hair did nothing until maybe month nine, that's when I noticed it getting less and lighter in color, now it's even better, I can go all week and not shave if I want, before it was every day.
When I look at my old pictures I can see that I have changed but I can't tell you what has changed, I just know that I look different and much better.
The biggest change I think is in my life, it's not just that I am busy with my transition but I am busy with my life now, I go out and do things, the last four days off I was out every day, this did not happen before, I could easily spend four days at home by myself and all this is only now possible because I can be me.
I have been working on transition now for fourteen months, I know I have a long way to go and a lot to learn, even though I feel more comfortable now when I go out compared to my old life I get nervous around groups of women, I still don't feel worthy to be there with them, I think that will come in time as I go out more.
I have no regrets so far, don't expect any, life gets better and better and I am enjoying the ride. 91 days until SRS, I can't wait.
Susan
Oh I forgot, Electrolysis is on going, does this ever end? going by the last year this has to be the worst part about transition for me, it hurts, drains the bank and takes forever, I don't think I will ever be done.
So what have hormones done for me? well that depends on what day you ask me, I saw a picture of my self the other day that I looked like I did before I started this and then two days before that I got dressed to go out and looking in the mirror I looked so hot, so how do I tell you what has changed.
Just the facts mam, what I know for sure is not much, the first six months very little changed, I got the mounds behind the nipples and my skin got softer, I am not sure if I got more sensitive from the hormones or if it was because now it was OK to show my feelings.
After my nose surgery is when things seemed like they kicked in, the lab tests had showed that my testosterone and estrogen were at the same levels but then after the surgery the testosterone dropped down to near nothing, where they should have been all along, this is when I started to notice that my breasts seemed to have grown, the reason I say seemed is because I stopped wearing the breast forms and found real bras that fit, I check my measurements every month and they just don't change, my weight does not change, I can see a difference now, it is so slow, it's a real test of patience, in the last month I did notice a one inch drop in chest size, not breast, chest which is maybe why they look a little bigger.
Body hair did nothing until maybe month nine, that's when I noticed it getting less and lighter in color, now it's even better, I can go all week and not shave if I want, before it was every day.
When I look at my old pictures I can see that I have changed but I can't tell you what has changed, I just know that I look different and much better.
The biggest change I think is in my life, it's not just that I am busy with my transition but I am busy with my life now, I go out and do things, the last four days off I was out every day, this did not happen before, I could easily spend four days at home by myself and all this is only now possible because I can be me.
I have been working on transition now for fourteen months, I know I have a long way to go and a lot to learn, even though I feel more comfortable now when I go out compared to my old life I get nervous around groups of women, I still don't feel worthy to be there with them, I think that will come in time as I go out more.
I have no regrets so far, don't expect any, life gets better and better and I am enjoying the ride. 91 days until SRS, I can't wait.
Susan
Oh I forgot, Electrolysis is on going, does this ever end? going by the last year this has to be the worst part about transition for me, it hurts, drains the bank and takes forever, I don't think I will ever be done.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
IS IT POSSIBLE?
Is it possible that the reason that it took so long for me to realize my real self was due to very high testosterone levels? because when I was young I was just like the young guys here at work, they are such males in every way, I remember being like that, I was a little dick head, I really was and at the time it was just me being male,is that what repressed my female feelings, I don't know, I was just going to forget why this all happened the way it did but I was just sitting here watching the guys and these thoughts came to me so I wrote them down, I will never know for sure but I am happy that it did finely happen.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Transgender Groups
When I first started looking into this new life that I was about to get into I had a hard time finding the right web sites and I think some of the ones I went to were not the best, when you don't know anybody and have nobody to ask that you can trust you just have to go by what sounds the best, I searched the phone book and the web for a month before I found enough information to get started, was it right, no I made some wrong choices because that's all I had to go on and I think it cost me money and time.
So the purpose of this is just to say that there are too many groups out there that have a lot of different information which is confusing to somebody new, why are there so many groups, I think you would be better if we were all at least a member of one common group for political purposes and a central place to go to for correct information, you could still have your own local groups because I know everybody thinks different and there are so many egos out there. I know people that don't like HRC because of what happened in I think 2007, people just get over it and lets make it work.
A big group has more power than a lot of small groups unless we were all members of all the big groups.
That's just my thoughts on the subject, it sure would have been nice to find the right information right away when I first started, I still don't know what is the best hormone regime to follow and if somebody told me now I wouldn't know if I should believe them or not.
OK I have to quit now, this could go on forever. Susan T-Girls Rule
So the purpose of this is just to say that there are too many groups out there that have a lot of different information which is confusing to somebody new, why are there so many groups, I think you would be better if we were all at least a member of one common group for political purposes and a central place to go to for correct information, you could still have your own local groups because I know everybody thinks different and there are so many egos out there. I know people that don't like HRC because of what happened in I think 2007, people just get over it and lets make it work.
A big group has more power than a lot of small groups unless we were all members of all the big groups.
That's just my thoughts on the subject, it sure would have been nice to find the right information right away when I first started, I still don't know what is the best hormone regime to follow and if somebody told me now I wouldn't know if I should believe them or not.
OK I have to quit now, this could go on forever. Susan T-Girls Rule
Monday, February 15, 2010
The Day After
After I wrote the my last blog I almost went right back in and deleted it but I decided to leave it because that is the way I was feeling at the time, I have found that I learn a lot about myself just by the things I write here as I did with that blog.
After I wrote it when I was deciding to delete it or not I put my self in the other persons shoes like I do a lot, don't know why I didn't do it before I wrote it but I didn't, I thought about why I don't call some of my friends or email them, what if something had happened to them, I would never know, so I am not going to get upset when people don't call me anymore.
Another thing happened after that bad blog day and it wasn't because I wrote the blog, Friday I went out around noon for 2 hours of electrolysis then I ran some errands and then I went to a bar for one drink, the last time in the bar I had a meet a couple that were real nice and they were there again, the Lady saw me come in and came to sit with me, well I ended up having 3 drinks, a lot for me, we sat there for hours talking about everything, I had a real nice night, I even slept at their house so I wouldn't have to drive home.
The next day after I got home I didn't do too much, work that is, I talked to people on the phone, on IM and SKYPE so if I look at it that way I did get a lot done.
Sunday Valentines day, not that I cared about it being Valentines day because I don't have anybody but I had made plans to go to the swap meet then to the bar to see my new friends and watch the race, well after going to the bank and getting gas heading to the swap meet the phone rang, it was work, there were friends there from San Diego wanting to see me, so we made arrangements to meet at the Red Robin at 1pm, this got me excited because as far as I knew they did not know about me, that's because my ex wife has not told anybody back there in San Diego and didn't want me to tell anybody but my friends coming here are free game, the lunch went great, they were really happy for me and said I could stay with them anytime in San Diego.
After that I went to a friends house, they were having a garage sale, well by the time I got there they had closed up everything so we talked for about an hour then I took them for a ride in my new car(new to me).
I got to the bar around 4, my friends were still there, the race had been delayed for 2 hours, I was there for about 45 minutes then I had to go get food for work.
So maybe my communication skills are not so bad.
If I start complaining again just slap me, I have nothing to complain about.
After I wrote it when I was deciding to delete it or not I put my self in the other persons shoes like I do a lot, don't know why I didn't do it before I wrote it but I didn't, I thought about why I don't call some of my friends or email them, what if something had happened to them, I would never know, so I am not going to get upset when people don't call me anymore.
Another thing happened after that bad blog day and it wasn't because I wrote the blog, Friday I went out around noon for 2 hours of electrolysis then I ran some errands and then I went to a bar for one drink, the last time in the bar I had a meet a couple that were real nice and they were there again, the Lady saw me come in and came to sit with me, well I ended up having 3 drinks, a lot for me, we sat there for hours talking about everything, I had a real nice night, I even slept at their house so I wouldn't have to drive home.
The next day after I got home I didn't do too much, work that is, I talked to people on the phone, on IM and SKYPE so if I look at it that way I did get a lot done.
Sunday Valentines day, not that I cared about it being Valentines day because I don't have anybody but I had made plans to go to the swap meet then to the bar to see my new friends and watch the race, well after going to the bank and getting gas heading to the swap meet the phone rang, it was work, there were friends there from San Diego wanting to see me, so we made arrangements to meet at the Red Robin at 1pm, this got me excited because as far as I knew they did not know about me, that's because my ex wife has not told anybody back there in San Diego and didn't want me to tell anybody but my friends coming here are free game, the lunch went great, they were really happy for me and said I could stay with them anytime in San Diego.
After that I went to a friends house, they were having a garage sale, well by the time I got there they had closed up everything so we talked for about an hour then I took them for a ride in my new car(new to me).
I got to the bar around 4, my friends were still there, the race had been delayed for 2 hours, I was there for about 45 minutes then I had to go get food for work.
So maybe my communication skills are not so bad.
If I start complaining again just slap me, I have nothing to complain about.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Perception, is it just me?
I have been thinking of writing this blog for over a week now but I kind of talked myself out of it because it's very negative and I don't like to be like that but to me it's the truth, maybe just my perception.
I have not been on facebook much in the last few weeks, I haven't been to Tacos or Starbucks, it's true I have been busy but not that busy, out of all the friends on facebook I think only 3 made any kind of contact to see if I was OK, It's ok I am used to being alone and I don't need friends who just want me to help them with the games they play all the time, if that's why you asked me to be your friend then you can just take me off your list.
It always seems to me that I am the one who has to make the contact be it on line or on the phone, I have been told that's not true but I am the one that has the phone that never rings so I know.
I never seem to know what's going on, Most of the time I find out after the fact and that I know is by phone or text, some people don't seem to trust telling me things that they tell other people, one thing I needed to know.
So what this boils down to I guess is what I have had problems with all my life, that is the lack of communication skills, there is something wrong, why is it that I have these problems, it has to be me because everybody else seems to be able to talk to each other or do I put out bad vibes.
I have not been on facebook much in the last few weeks, I haven't been to Tacos or Starbucks, it's true I have been busy but not that busy, out of all the friends on facebook I think only 3 made any kind of contact to see if I was OK, It's ok I am used to being alone and I don't need friends who just want me to help them with the games they play all the time, if that's why you asked me to be your friend then you can just take me off your list.
It always seems to me that I am the one who has to make the contact be it on line or on the phone, I have been told that's not true but I am the one that has the phone that never rings so I know.
I never seem to know what's going on, Most of the time I find out after the fact and that I know is by phone or text, some people don't seem to trust telling me things that they tell other people, one thing I needed to know.
So what this boils down to I guess is what I have had problems with all my life, that is the lack of communication skills, there is something wrong, why is it that I have these problems, it has to be me because everybody else seems to be able to talk to each other or do I put out bad vibes.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
How do you Measure Success
How do you measure Success? that's what I was thinking about last night at about 2am when I should have been sleeping, I should have just got up and wrote it then.
I went way back to my high school days, just the fact that I made it through school and graduated was a success, I did't do very good but I did pass.
When I was in school I had no idea what I was going to do when I graduated, I wasn't like a lot of the other kids that knew exactly what they wanted to do, just no idea.
So join the U.S.Navy I did during Vietnam, that was a different Navy back then, after 4 years I got out, for me that was another success, just making it though with out getting into trouble.
I was out of the Navy for 4 years, I had an OK job and I was doing good, that's when I got married, so back then I guess you could say I was succeeding.
After being married for about 2 years, I was getting bored with work and other things so I reenlisted in the Navy, we picked up every thing and moved to San Diego from Minnesota, the goal was to finish my 16 years and retire and that's what I did, for me that was a big success.
I guess I should tell you about my biggest failure too, that was my marriage, It was doomed from the start and now we know why, we did have some good times so all the years together were not all a waist.
One of the biggest things we did is buy a house and that one thing has to be the thing that has allowed me to do what I am doing today, when we sold the house before we divorced we made 3 times the money we paid for it, that's when the housing market was at it's highest, we split the money, she bought a house free and clear and so did I, another success.
After I retired from the Navy I started a new career, I worked at that for 6 years until my wife and me split, I could not see staying in San Diego because 3/4 of my pay would just go to living there when I could move somewhere else work for 1/2 as much, not have to drive so far every day and still have money left over to live, that's how I ended up in Arizona.
When I moved here I started another new career which I have been doing now for the last 6 years, I have never been fired from a job, knock on wood, so I think you could say I have been successful in my career's.
My personal life is the only thing I have had a problem with and of course that is the biggest, most important thing of all, with out this what is there to live for really, I know why I have made it this far, I have the chance to make something out of the rest of my life, I know who I am now and I hope it's not too late.
Wish me Success.
Susan
I went way back to my high school days, just the fact that I made it through school and graduated was a success, I did't do very good but I did pass.
When I was in school I had no idea what I was going to do when I graduated, I wasn't like a lot of the other kids that knew exactly what they wanted to do, just no idea.
So join the U.S.Navy I did during Vietnam, that was a different Navy back then, after 4 years I got out, for me that was another success, just making it though with out getting into trouble.
I was out of the Navy for 4 years, I had an OK job and I was doing good, that's when I got married, so back then I guess you could say I was succeeding.
After being married for about 2 years, I was getting bored with work and other things so I reenlisted in the Navy, we picked up every thing and moved to San Diego from Minnesota, the goal was to finish my 16 years and retire and that's what I did, for me that was a big success.
I guess I should tell you about my biggest failure too, that was my marriage, It was doomed from the start and now we know why, we did have some good times so all the years together were not all a waist.
One of the biggest things we did is buy a house and that one thing has to be the thing that has allowed me to do what I am doing today, when we sold the house before we divorced we made 3 times the money we paid for it, that's when the housing market was at it's highest, we split the money, she bought a house free and clear and so did I, another success.
After I retired from the Navy I started a new career, I worked at that for 6 years until my wife and me split, I could not see staying in San Diego because 3/4 of my pay would just go to living there when I could move somewhere else work for 1/2 as much, not have to drive so far every day and still have money left over to live, that's how I ended up in Arizona.
When I moved here I started another new career which I have been doing now for the last 6 years, I have never been fired from a job, knock on wood, so I think you could say I have been successful in my career's.
My personal life is the only thing I have had a problem with and of course that is the biggest, most important thing of all, with out this what is there to live for really, I know why I have made it this far, I have the chance to make something out of the rest of my life, I know who I am now and I hope it's not too late.
Wish me Success.
Susan
Friday, January 22, 2010
Anonymous response to my blog
This blog is in response to a comment I got and I thought it was a good thing to blog about, the comment is below.
"Anonymous said...
Honestly when I hear people brag about how much they have thus far spent on transition, it is as though you are somehow special for doing so.
Those who are serious about transition all have to spend this kind of money - why advertise?
There are some of us out here who are not as fortunate to be able to afford all of this but yet we need to still transition. As for myself I barely can afford hormones and therapist let alone electrolysis.
Let it be known - this bragging hurts others who cannot afford it and yet need to transition just like you. Yes I am jealous...and feeling low because being buried under debt and responsibilities - I cannot transition like I need to merely because of money"
I wrote a comment to this last night but I lost it and it got kind of long so I will just blog about it.
When I started writing blogs last year it was so others could see what i was doing and how i was doing in my transition, also to keep a record of it for myself to look back on when i get really old, at no time have i ever tried to hurt anybody and i do sensor myself for that reason.
How much this transition costs is something that i think other people would like to know, I do not think it's bragging, I have to spend this much because I am so old, I need all the help I can get, there are a lot of other girls out there who all they have to do is put on a dress, brush their hair and put on makeup and they are done, now that makes me jealous.
I have worked hard all my life, I am not smart so I believe that if I can do this then anybody can, it wasn't luck that put me in the position that I am in now, I worked for it.
Anybody that knows me knows how serious I am about my transition, I don't see where saying how much I have spent has to do with being serious.
That's all I have to say about that, this is my blog, i do take things people say into consideration but in the end it is still my blog and I am not forcing anybody to read it.
Susan
"Anonymous said...
Honestly when I hear people brag about how much they have thus far spent on transition, it is as though you are somehow special for doing so.
Those who are serious about transition all have to spend this kind of money - why advertise?
There are some of us out here who are not as fortunate to be able to afford all of this but yet we need to still transition. As for myself I barely can afford hormones and therapist let alone electrolysis.
Let it be known - this bragging hurts others who cannot afford it and yet need to transition just like you. Yes I am jealous...and feeling low because being buried under debt and responsibilities - I cannot transition like I need to merely because of money"
I wrote a comment to this last night but I lost it and it got kind of long so I will just blog about it.
When I started writing blogs last year it was so others could see what i was doing and how i was doing in my transition, also to keep a record of it for myself to look back on when i get really old, at no time have i ever tried to hurt anybody and i do sensor myself for that reason.
How much this transition costs is something that i think other people would like to know, I do not think it's bragging, I have to spend this much because I am so old, I need all the help I can get, there are a lot of other girls out there who all they have to do is put on a dress, brush their hair and put on makeup and they are done, now that makes me jealous.
I have worked hard all my life, I am not smart so I believe that if I can do this then anybody can, it wasn't luck that put me in the position that I am in now, I worked for it.
Anybody that knows me knows how serious I am about my transition, I don't see where saying how much I have spent has to do with being serious.
That's all I have to say about that, this is my blog, i do take things people say into consideration but in the end it is still my blog and I am not forcing anybody to read it.
Susan
Thursday, January 21, 2010
$18,000 So Far
@18,000 is what it has cost so far to just be me.
Electrolysis: 119 Hours $7,715
Nose & Nipples: $6,700
Doctor: $510
MMPI test: $200
Hair: $1,000
Eyes: $400
Therapist: $675
Transportation to Phoenix $800
This does not include clothing and makeup.
So far this is the best $18,000 I have ever spent, I would never have thought I would ever spend that much money on my self, I don't think I have spent that much all my life, I never would buy myself much before.
This year I am looking at around $25,000 maybe more if I can manage it and it does take management, what and when I can do things is all controlled by the money flow, money makes the world go around.
Electrolysis: 119 Hours $7,715
Nose & Nipples: $6,700
Doctor: $510
MMPI test: $200
Hair: $1,000
Eyes: $400
Therapist: $675
Transportation to Phoenix $800
This does not include clothing and makeup.
So far this is the best $18,000 I have ever spent, I would never have thought I would ever spend that much money on my self, I don't think I have spent that much all my life, I never would buy myself much before.
This year I am looking at around $25,000 maybe more if I can manage it and it does take management, what and when I can do things is all controlled by the money flow, money makes the world go around.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Goals for 2010
This is a list of goals I am going to try and get done this year, you have to have goals right.
1. Stay healthy.
2. keep my job or at least stay working.
3. Be myself.
4. Give back as much or more love and support to my friends as they have given me.
5. The thing I have always wanted, SRS.
6. Recover from surgery.
7. Return to work.
8. Complete the work on my house.
9. Prepare for the next surgery, not sure which one that will be.
10. Finish electrolysis.( I don't think this will ever be done).
I think that is a lot to do in one year so I will leave it at that, I may add more later if I forgot any.
1. Stay healthy.
2. keep my job or at least stay working.
3. Be myself.
4. Give back as much or more love and support to my friends as they have given me.
5. The thing I have always wanted, SRS.
6. Recover from surgery.
7. Return to work.
8. Complete the work on my house.
9. Prepare for the next surgery, not sure which one that will be.
10. Finish electrolysis.( I don't think this will ever be done).
I think that is a lot to do in one year so I will leave it at that, I may add more later if I forgot any.
Friday, January 1, 2010
2009
2009 was a very big year for me perhaps my biggest ever, this was the year when I started my transition, I would have started 2 months earlier right after I realized what I am but I had some things I needed to clear up before I could start.
I made my first appointments with my therapist, I was driving about 2 times a month to Phoenix so I could get the letter for hormones and really get started on my physical transition, that was done by the end of February which means I have been on hormones now for 10 months.
I also started early in January working on my new wardrobe, something I will be working on the rest of my life and loving it. I never once went to Phoenix in boy mode.
I think January was when I started going to Starbucks for coffee with the local GLBT group, I will never forget walking in there the first time, it was the first time in full dress, I was shaking so bad and all I did was sit down at a table with BOB, wow how things have changed.
April and May is when I did my coming out,this was done so soon because I was driving around this small town and I knew that I was going to be seen real soon so I thought I would do it under my own terms. I did not really have any friends that I had to come out to(how sad is that) so it was work first which was not as hard as I thought it would be and then I came out to my family in England, coming out for me was one of the best things I have ever done, it lets me be me.
May is when I started my name change and was done on June 9th, I am still finding things that have my old name on them, what a pain.
Electrolysis was started in January also and was worked on all year, I am up to about 130 hours with many more to go.
In September I had my nose job, that nose had given me a hard time for over over 35 years, not only does it look better but more important it's the way it makes me feel about myself that makes the biggest difference, it also helps in the passing I think mostly from not attracting attention to me.
I think it was September when I made my appointment for GRS, it seemed like so long away back then but I moved the date up a month when I was given the chance and now it's 5 months away, I can't wait.
I have made a lot of new friends this year who have made this transition easier for me. I would like to thank Marie and Billie for all their support.
I have found out that I can still love and I still have feeling and boy do I have feeling, I don't remmber the last day when I had dry eyes, it's all good.
I have been living full time now for about 8 months (from when I came out), it feels normal for me to be dressed as a woman and that's because I have always been one inside.
This was also the first year I have ever written a blog, in fact I have written more this year than in my whole life, I did slow down a little on the blogs but that is because what I was doing had become the norm and there was nothing new to write about, all this was new to me.
I have had some problems but nothing bad, I have had a great year, this was the year when I started living again.
I think I covered everything, I am still open about everything and if you ever want to ask questions go ahead, I am always ready to talk about my new life.
Happy New Year. Susan
I made my first appointments with my therapist, I was driving about 2 times a month to Phoenix so I could get the letter for hormones and really get started on my physical transition, that was done by the end of February which means I have been on hormones now for 10 months.
I also started early in January working on my new wardrobe, something I will be working on the rest of my life and loving it. I never once went to Phoenix in boy mode.
I think January was when I started going to Starbucks for coffee with the local GLBT group, I will never forget walking in there the first time, it was the first time in full dress, I was shaking so bad and all I did was sit down at a table with BOB, wow how things have changed.
April and May is when I did my coming out,this was done so soon because I was driving around this small town and I knew that I was going to be seen real soon so I thought I would do it under my own terms. I did not really have any friends that I had to come out to(how sad is that) so it was work first which was not as hard as I thought it would be and then I came out to my family in England, coming out for me was one of the best things I have ever done, it lets me be me.
May is when I started my name change and was done on June 9th, I am still finding things that have my old name on them, what a pain.
Electrolysis was started in January also and was worked on all year, I am up to about 130 hours with many more to go.
In September I had my nose job, that nose had given me a hard time for over over 35 years, not only does it look better but more important it's the way it makes me feel about myself that makes the biggest difference, it also helps in the passing I think mostly from not attracting attention to me.
I think it was September when I made my appointment for GRS, it seemed like so long away back then but I moved the date up a month when I was given the chance and now it's 5 months away, I can't wait.
I have made a lot of new friends this year who have made this transition easier for me. I would like to thank Marie and Billie for all their support.
I have found out that I can still love and I still have feeling and boy do I have feeling, I don't remmber the last day when I had dry eyes, it's all good.
I have been living full time now for about 8 months (from when I came out), it feels normal for me to be dressed as a woman and that's because I have always been one inside.
This was also the first year I have ever written a blog, in fact I have written more this year than in my whole life, I did slow down a little on the blogs but that is because what I was doing had become the norm and there was nothing new to write about, all this was new to me.
I have had some problems but nothing bad, I have had a great year, this was the year when I started living again.
I think I covered everything, I am still open about everything and if you ever want to ask questions go ahead, I am always ready to talk about my new life.
Happy New Year. Susan
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