It seems I am getting some fallout from coming out at work, It's about time things were going too good, I don't know for sure what it is but I have heard that some of the wife's don't like it because it could make the fire department look bad, I think it's more there husbands, the other thing is that it really bothers some of the guys when I were makeup to work, I have worn some but it was very little, so for right now I will have to back off on that and it does say in the rules no makeup male or female, I do have to watch what I do, don't want to give them an excuse.
I got paper work from two SRS doctors and have been reading that and filling out forms, I get a little excited when I think about it, one day.
other than that I have been just working, working on my boat and shed not a whole lot of excitement but stuff I have to get done. Susan
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Friday, May 22, 2009
Name Confusion
Name confusion is what I have now, last night a women introduced her self to me and that's when I got confused, I almost said Susan but then I said Smitty which is what I use at work so that the guys don't get confused, I just thought I should write it down cause it's something I had not thought of before, it wont be long till the name gets changed. Susan
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Coming out to wife's friends
Tuesday was kind of an interesting day, I did something that maybe I should not have done, I called a friend in San Diego who I have not talked to since about 2005, she is actually my X wife's friend, I had expected her to have been told about me but she had not heard a word so I told her every thing and told her the myspace address and every thing, well later that night I got a very angry call from the X, she said that was her friend and I had no business telling her about myself and telling her about the web site, I guess I embarrassed her. Oh well can't take it back, anyway I just have to tell the world.
I had some friends stop by on the way to Taco Tuesday, they wanted to see where I live and take some pictures, hopefully I will be able to post some of them on here soon.
I didn't do too much the last three days, paper work, reading about srs doctors, cleaning house, I did make an appointment with another electrolysis to see if I can get it done faster and I made an appointment with Doctor Meltzer for a consultation.
That be all for now Susan out
I had some friends stop by on the way to Taco Tuesday, they wanted to see where I live and take some pictures, hopefully I will be able to post some of them on here soon.
I didn't do too much the last three days, paper work, reading about srs doctors, cleaning house, I did make an appointment with another electrolysis to see if I can get it done faster and I made an appointment with Doctor Meltzer for a consultation.
That be all for now Susan out
Monday, May 18, 2009
Union
well I went to the union meeting tonight, it sure would have been nice if somebody had told me it was canceled, they are going to hear about this for the next six months.
So I went shopping, I was in walmart and ran into one of the guys wife's,I don't think she recognized me at first, but we just started talking about shopping and it was like two women talking, how much better could it be.
I am still shopping for a new camera so I can put pictures up again, of course the one I wanted was out of stock, oh well I will just have to go shopping again later.
Susan
So I went shopping, I was in walmart and ran into one of the guys wife's,I don't think she recognized me at first, but we just started talking about shopping and it was like two women talking, how much better could it be.
I am still shopping for a new camera so I can put pictures up again, of course the one I wanted was out of stock, oh well I will just have to go shopping again later.
Susan
T.M.I
This blog my be too Much Information TMI for some of you so you may not want to read this one, but because I am writing about what is happening to me I have to tell you this part also.
This is something you have to think about and test because if you don't you may not realize that you are not thinking about sex or maybe just not as much, it used to be that I had to masturbate at least once a week to release the stress and then I was good for another week or two, now I don't have that stress, but you still have to masturbate just to test it out so that you know if your hormones are working, erections still come but I have to have work at it more and now the ejaculate does not explode out like it used to, it just flow out and now it's a lot clearer, the erections are still the same size and that's about it, just thought you would like to know and if you didn't why did you read so far. Susan
This is something you have to think about and test because if you don't you may not realize that you are not thinking about sex or maybe just not as much, it used to be that I had to masturbate at least once a week to release the stress and then I was good for another week or two, now I don't have that stress, but you still have to masturbate just to test it out so that you know if your hormones are working, erections still come but I have to have work at it more and now the ejaculate does not explode out like it used to, it just flow out and now it's a lot clearer, the erections are still the same size and that's about it, just thought you would like to know and if you didn't why did you read so far. Susan
Things that happen at work
Sorry I have been a little slow in my blogs lately.
Thursday I had another first, I went running here around the heights in my little shorts, sports bra, and wig, I ran early and it was not too hot even with the wig, it's kind of like a hat, I do need a wig with longer hair so I can pull it into a pony tail better but it does work.
Went to starbucks that night, It was kind of slow, some body stayed home to watch Greys Anatomy.
Two more days at work were kind of slow again but we did have 3 calls, two things did happen related to me, the first, I found out that one of the part time guys told somebody that he was a little freaked out by the fact that I wear mascara and does not want to work with me, I guess all the other stuff I wear doesn't bother him, he must not know. The other thing, one of the guys from work was at a bar about 20 miles from here and was talking to people there and my name came up and the fire department, they were the only two people that I know there, what are the odds, I have not seen them in over two years, so what happened next was they got on the phone and called two friends in town, the only two friends who I had not got around to coming out to and told them, so when I got home last night I called and talked to one of them, she was shocked but will be OK with it I think, That's why I had to come out when I did because it really is a small world.
Every thing else is going good, two and a half months on hormones, dressing 7/24, breasts change a little every week, a little more pointy now, no other changes that I can detect, so trans things are slow now and I can get a little of my house work done.
Yesterday I went for another run on the island and I saw two women ridding bikes, they looked like they were family so when they got back to their car I went over and asked them if they were family and they said yes, so I asked them if they knew about the Starbucks GLBT night and they had not so I invited them, more the merrier.
Me thinks that's all for now. Susan
Thursday I had another first, I went running here around the heights in my little shorts, sports bra, and wig, I ran early and it was not too hot even with the wig, it's kind of like a hat, I do need a wig with longer hair so I can pull it into a pony tail better but it does work.
Went to starbucks that night, It was kind of slow, some body stayed home to watch Greys Anatomy.
Two more days at work were kind of slow again but we did have 3 calls, two things did happen related to me, the first, I found out that one of the part time guys told somebody that he was a little freaked out by the fact that I wear mascara and does not want to work with me, I guess all the other stuff I wear doesn't bother him, he must not know. The other thing, one of the guys from work was at a bar about 20 miles from here and was talking to people there and my name came up and the fire department, they were the only two people that I know there, what are the odds, I have not seen them in over two years, so what happened next was they got on the phone and called two friends in town, the only two friends who I had not got around to coming out to and told them, so when I got home last night I called and talked to one of them, she was shocked but will be OK with it I think, That's why I had to come out when I did because it really is a small world.
Every thing else is going good, two and a half months on hormones, dressing 7/24, breasts change a little every week, a little more pointy now, no other changes that I can detect, so trans things are slow now and I can get a little of my house work done.
Yesterday I went for another run on the island and I saw two women ridding bikes, they looked like they were family so when they got back to their car I went over and asked them if they were family and they said yes, so I asked them if they knew about the Starbucks GLBT night and they had not so I invited them, more the merrier.
Me thinks that's all for now. Susan
Monday, May 11, 2009
TS STUFF
I know the day is not over but it's been a good day, first I went for another 2 hours of electrolysis, then to fill out paper work at Lakeview Family Dental, after that I went to the county court, then to Staples, printer ran out of ink again and the last stop at food city, It's funny but when I write it it doesn't seem like much but it took five hours to do all that.
I also ran into one of the guys from work, he didnt say any thing about me being dressed, maybe he was too shocked.
I also ran into one of the guys from work, he didnt say any thing about me being dressed, maybe he was too shocked.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
The X wife
I just got off the phone a little while ago with the X wife, I have been trying to talk to her for about a month, she said she had been busy, OK.
She can't seem to under stand why I did not tell her my feeling about wanting to be a girl before we got married or even after we got married and made her go through all the years of marriage, she can't understand that I didn't know what I was, until last year, I wish I had known because, it would have been better for both of us, when I was having these feelings a long time ago I didn't know what they meant and no way was I was going to tell anybody back then I just thought that something was wrong with me like a lot of other people, I didn't know things were going to turn out like this, none of us know whats going to happen in the future, I just don't know how to convince her that I didn't know back then that I knew that I was a transsexual.
She seems to be OK with me being TS just wishes she had know a long time ago.
I really don't have to make her understand I would just like her to.
She can't seem to under stand why I did not tell her my feeling about wanting to be a girl before we got married or even after we got married and made her go through all the years of marriage, she can't understand that I didn't know what I was, until last year, I wish I had known because, it would have been better for both of us, when I was having these feelings a long time ago I didn't know what they meant and no way was I was going to tell anybody back then I just thought that something was wrong with me like a lot of other people, I didn't know things were going to turn out like this, none of us know whats going to happen in the future, I just don't know how to convince her that I didn't know back then that I knew that I was a transsexual.
She seems to be OK with me being TS just wishes she had know a long time ago.
I really don't have to make her understand I would just like her to.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
A day in Phoenix
That was a long trip to Phoenix on Thursday, I got up at 5:30 am and got home at 2:30 am but it was worth it, first I picked up my doors for my shed, saved $250 in shipping there, then to the doctors appointment, then therapy with Mary and back later for Mary's group and then back home, I was able to do a little shopping in between appointments, I went to savers and Fry's electronics.
When I was picking up the doors it was at a plant where they make them, I had to park the truck in the yard so that shipping could load the doors on my truck, the truck was visible from the big open door of the plant, when I got out of the truck to tie down the doors you should have heard the Wolfe whistles from inside but I did have short shorts and a red tight top on, it was kind of fun.
I really love going to group, there were two girls there who I had never seen dressed before, I had seen them in guy mode but never dressed, I thought they were Genetic girls they looked so good and they are new at it too, it even upset me a little too, I get a little jealous of how well some girls look, I know they are a lot younger too but it doesn't help, some things I just have to live with, anyway I do enjoy the groups, hope you can go with me next time Marie.
Yesterday all I really did was get my bobcat out and unload my truck and lounge around.
I am working all weekend so that should keep me out of trouble for 2 days. Susan
When I was picking up the doors it was at a plant where they make them, I had to park the truck in the yard so that shipping could load the doors on my truck, the truck was visible from the big open door of the plant, when I got out of the truck to tie down the doors you should have heard the Wolfe whistles from inside but I did have short shorts and a red tight top on, it was kind of fun.
I really love going to group, there were two girls there who I had never seen dressed before, I had seen them in guy mode but never dressed, I thought they were Genetic girls they looked so good and they are new at it too, it even upset me a little too, I get a little jealous of how well some girls look, I know they are a lot younger too but it doesn't help, some things I just have to live with, anyway I do enjoy the groups, hope you can go with me next time Marie.
Yesterday all I really did was get my bobcat out and unload my truck and lounge around.
I am working all weekend so that should keep me out of trouble for 2 days. Susan
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
busy, busy
Yesterday was another busy day, after work I did a fast 1 1/2 mile run and then walked a 1 1/2, went home and got ready to go out again, first to the dentist, found out today it's only going to cost around $7000 to fix what I need done because the insurance does not want to pay for it. After that I went to walmart, I needed a 2 piece swim suit, beer and limes for Taco night, I found one that fits OK, I almost have enough boob to look OK, doesn't look too bad to me, I went to check out and when I showed the lady my driver's license for the credit card purchase she asked me if I had a ID for me, she didn't notice I was a, how do I say this now, I can't say I am a man any more, anyway this lady did not know I was dressed up and she seemed interested by me doing this change so that was cool.
Taco night at Marie's house was good as always, thanks Marie, when I got home I was so tired I fell asleep in the chair and I think it's about time for a nap right now, Oh one more thing, I will be at Phoenix all day tomorrow so I will see you. Susan
Taco night at Marie's house was good as always, thanks Marie, when I got home I was so tired I fell asleep in the chair and I think it's about time for a nap right now, Oh one more thing, I will be at Phoenix all day tomorrow so I will see you. Susan
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Was that you
Saturday night is potluck night at Bob's house, so last night I met somebody new, I was sitting right next to him and we talked a little, well today at work we went to tropical smoothie's and the same guy was in there, it sure looked like him, I went over to him and said didn't I meet you at Bob's last night? he said no I don't think so, I said sorry and went to sit out side, when they were leaving he came over to me and said that he was at Bob's but did not remember me, I said I was sitting right next to you, the one with the skirt on, then he remembered me, so maybe I am not doing too bad at dressing or at least if I am dressed they don't know who I am.
Not too much interesting has been going on, but I have been busy, Thursday night was Starbucks night, when we got there one of the guys who I had invited from work was there with some friends from out of town, so we all went in, did the intros and every thing was cool.
Friday was payday for the girls so I took them out to get their food for the month and after we celebrated May day.
I did spend about 2 hours shopping in walmart and nobody said any thing.
This month I am going to do the name change and pick a SRS doctor plus all next week I am busy getting stuff done. Susan
Not too much interesting has been going on, but I have been busy, Thursday night was Starbucks night, when we got there one of the guys who I had invited from work was there with some friends from out of town, so we all went in, did the intros and every thing was cool.
Friday was payday for the girls so I took them out to get their food for the month and after we celebrated May day.
I did spend about 2 hours shopping in walmart and nobody said any thing.
This month I am going to do the name change and pick a SRS doctor plus all next week I am busy getting stuff done. Susan
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Blog move
I copied all my blogs from yahoo 360 and put them here, I hope it does not confuse you but it's a lot easier for me to bring them up and faster too. Susan
shopping #2
I forgot the other day when I was in the second hand store, a women came out of the dressing room and asked me if her top looked good, she was trying to buy something other than a tank top, I just asked her if she liked it and just to wear what she likes, I did tell her that it looked nice to me, I was a little surprised that a women would ask me a fashion question like that, maybe something else I have to get used to. Susan
24/7
What is 24/7? that's when I have to live and dress as a woman 24 hours a day 7 days a week, it is easy for me on my off days, I can do or go anywhere dressed now, I have got used to it, at work it's a little harder, I still wear my work clothing but my nails are painted, I have a little mascara on and a sports bra, not that I need one it's just in the rules, I didn't think they would notice the little bit of mascara I put on but they did. so that's my 24/7.
Both days at work I was able to talk to people about my self and what I am doing and every thing seem to be OK so far, I have not heard anything bad yet and hope it stays that way.
Today went for another 2 hours of electrolysis then to the dentist to fill out paper work for my first overdue appointment, after that I went to see the girls for a while, that's when I found out I need a flowery dress for Friday, Beltane (Mayday. so I went shopping, I found everything but a flowery dress, Oh well I did buy 5 skirts, 1 shorts and 2 tops, maybe I will have better luck next time
Both days at work I was able to talk to people about my self and what I am doing and every thing seem to be OK so far, I have not heard anything bad yet and hope it stays that way.
Today went for another 2 hours of electrolysis then to the dentist to fill out paper work for my first overdue appointment, after that I went to see the girls for a while, that's when I found out I need a flowery dress for Friday, Beltane (Mayday. so I went shopping, I found everything but a flowery dress, Oh well I did buy 5 skirts, 1 shorts and 2 tops, maybe I will have better luck next time
Entry for April 24, 2009
Normal 0
Trial by fire.
Went to Starbucks last night, the first time in 3 weeks because of work and going to Phoenix, walking up to Starbucks I saw a car that I recognized, somebody that used to work at my fire department who I had not seen for about 6 months, so we went inside and I looked around and saw him sitting there so I just said hi to him, we talked a little then he left, for you who don’t know nobody has seen me from work dressed. Got to see somebody I had not seen since Christmas at a party, that was before I had hair, she almost did not recognize me. After Starbucks the girls and my self went over to Marie’s house where we had more fun until 1 am, I know I have said this before but it sure is nice to have friends to hang out with now.
Today I had to go into town for more electrolysis and pick up a prescription, It seems that it takes about 4 hours every time I go into town now.
I was lying on the couch taking a little nap when the phone rang, It was one of the guys from work, they were having a problem with one of the trucks at the station here and needed a jack that I have, I had to think for a minute, should I change because I was still dressed female, I just said to hell with it and I ran down there dressed as I was, It had to happen sooner or later so may as well do it now, nothing bad happened so all is well so far.
So that’s all the fun I have had in the last 2 days. Susan
Normal 0
Trial by fire.
Went to Starbucks last night, the first time in 3 weeks because of work and going to Phoenix, walking up to Starbucks I saw a car that I recognized, somebody that used to work at my fire department who I had not seen for about 6 months, so we went inside and I looked around and saw him sitting there so I just said hi to him, we talked a little then he left, for you who don’t know nobody has seen me from work dressed. Got to see somebody I had not seen since Christmas at a party, that was before I had hair, she almost did not recognize me. After Starbucks the girls and my self went over to Marie’s house where we had more fun until 1 am, I know I have said this before but it sure is nice to have friends to hang out with now.
Today I had to go into town for more electrolysis and pick up a prescription, It seems that it takes about 4 hours every time I go into town now.
I was lying on the couch taking a little nap when the phone rang, It was one of the guys from work, they were having a problem with one of the trucks at the station here and needed a jack that I have, I had to think for a minute, should I change because I was still dressed female, I just said to hell with it and I ran down there dressed as I was, It had to happen sooner or later so may as well do it now, nothing bad happened so all is well so far.
So that’s all the fun I have had in the last 2 days. Susan
Entry for April 26, 2009
Normal 0
Yesterday was the first trans girls get-together at Marie’s house, there were only three of us but it’s a start, we went over makeup mostly and just talked, after we had dinner and watched a movie, a very nice day thank you Marie, Oh I found out Marie likes her feet rubbed.
If any of you reading this and know any trans girls out there who live close please point them this way, we would like to have our own support group in Havasu.
Today I just need to go into town for food for work other than that, don’t know what else I am going to do yet.
Susan
Normal 0
Yesterday was the first trans girls get-together at Marie’s house, there were only three of us but it’s a start, we went over makeup mostly and just talked, after we had dinner and watched a movie, a very nice day thank you Marie, Oh I found out Marie likes her feet rubbed.
If any of you reading this and know any trans girls out there who live close please point them this way, we would like to have our own support group in Havasu.
Today I just need to go into town for food for work other than that, don’t know what else I am going to do yet.
Susan
Entry for April 22, 2009
I had a great weekend but I forgot something last week I need to write about first.
At the last Taco Tuesday I was talking to a new friend about breasts, She asked me if I would lift my shirt to show her mine, I told her I would if she realy wanted me to but not there in front of every body and only for reasons to see if every thing was OK, It seems I am getting a little self conscious about my breasts and don't want to run around without a shirt on any more, that is after 2 months of hormones, Marie said I need to start wearing a bra, not that I need the support but part of being 7/24 so I will look for some this next four days off and start wearing them all the time.
This weekend we went to Gendora near LA so my friends could see their kids and pick up a truck load of their things, so we did all that and on Sunday we all went to the Renaissance Pleasure Faire in Irwindale next door to where we were, we all dressed up, had a great time, I met a bunch of nice people and hope to make it back there sometime.
OK enough for now, talk later. Susan
I had a great weekend but I forgot something last week I need to write about first.
At the last Taco Tuesday I was talking to a new friend about breasts, She asked me if I would lift my shirt to show her mine, I told her I would if she realy wanted me to but not there in front of every body and only for reasons to see if every thing was OK, It seems I am getting a little self conscious about my breasts and don't want to run around without a shirt on any more, that is after 2 months of hormones, Marie said I need to start wearing a bra, not that I need the support but part of being 7/24 so I will look for some this next four days off and start wearing them all the time.
This weekend we went to Gendora near LA so my friends could see their kids and pick up a truck load of their things, so we did all that and on Sunday we all went to the Renaissance Pleasure Faire in Irwindale next door to where we were, we all dressed up, had a great time, I met a bunch of nice people and hope to make it back there sometime.
OK enough for now, talk later. Susan
Entry for April 16, 2009
Some things I forgot last night. At taco Tuesday I was telling Marie about coming out because she wasn't here when I did all the coming out at work, I told her that now I was open and it didn't matter who saw me or knew about me, she said that now I have to own it, I asked her what she meant by that just to be sure, she said that I had to live as a women now 24/7, I have been petty much been doing that but I have been cheating a little, when I get off work when I am still dressed in my fire uniform is when I go and do some of my shopping in places where they know me, so that will have to change, I will start by going home to change first after work and then do my shopping, You can do it.
I for got when I saw Marie yesterday to tell her I liked her shoes, Sexy.
More big news, my boobs have started to change, I wasn't sure at first because I did have good pecks for my size, when I look down at them they are definitely changing, more rounder and the areola and nipple have more of a point, you can't tell by looking straight on or from the side, the muscle is getting a lot softer too, the left side has the start of the nodule formation behind the nipple but the right hasn't started yet maybe cause that muscle is bigger on that side, my nipples were already kind of big for a man so it is had to see any change there although I think the left one is a little bigger because I keep having to feel it, my fingers keep getting drawn to it.
See I didn't forget to write too much last night.
Life is good Susan
Some things I forgot last night. At taco Tuesday I was telling Marie about coming out because she wasn't here when I did all the coming out at work, I told her that now I was open and it didn't matter who saw me or knew about me, she said that now I have to own it, I asked her what she meant by that just to be sure, she said that I had to live as a women now 24/7, I have been petty much been doing that but I have been cheating a little, when I get off work when I am still dressed in my fire uniform is when I go and do some of my shopping in places where they know me, so that will have to change, I will start by going home to change first after work and then do my shopping, You can do it.
I for got when I saw Marie yesterday to tell her I liked her shoes, Sexy.
More big news, my boobs have started to change, I wasn't sure at first because I did have good pecks for my size, when I look down at them they are definitely changing, more rounder and the areola and nipple have more of a point, you can't tell by looking straight on or from the side, the muscle is getting a lot softer too, the left side has the start of the nodule formation behind the nipple but the right hasn't started yet maybe cause that muscle is bigger on that side, my nipples were already kind of big for a man so it is had to see any change there although I think the left one is a little bigger because I keep having to feel it, my fingers keep getting drawn to it.
See I didn't forget to write too much last night.
Life is good Susan
Entry for April 15, 2009
going to LA
Current mood: adventurous
Category: Blogging
Yesterday I got dressed and went to get fuel for the trip to Glendora, then to the bank, next to electrolysis for another 2 hours, after that to payless, still need more shoes then to another good night at Marie's house for taco Tuesday. I met somebody new who was fun to talk to, she had a friend who she had helped go through the transsision so she knew a lot about it, but I am not suposed to talk about her, I do hope to talk to her more. afterwards on the way to drop off the girls we stoped at Smith's, I needed food for work the next day, Smith's is one of the places I had been avoding for fear of being seen but now I don't have to worry about it, It's so nice.
I am lookin forward to going to Glendora near LA this weekend with the girls, we are going touse my truck to pick up their things, see their kids and friends, we are also going to renfair on Sunday which is also Gay day, should be fun, then we will be back on Monday in time to go bace to work Tuesday.
This may be the last blog for about a week unless I find time, so I will see you in about a week. Susan
going to LA
Current mood: adventurous
Category: Blogging
Yesterday I got dressed and went to get fuel for the trip to Glendora, then to the bank, next to electrolysis for another 2 hours, after that to payless, still need more shoes then to another good night at Marie's house for taco Tuesday. I met somebody new who was fun to talk to, she had a friend who she had helped go through the transsision so she knew a lot about it, but I am not suposed to talk about her, I do hope to talk to her more. afterwards on the way to drop off the girls we stoped at Smith's, I needed food for work the next day, Smith's is one of the places I had been avoding for fear of being seen but now I don't have to worry about it, It's so nice.
I am lookin forward to going to Glendora near LA this weekend with the girls, we are going touse my truck to pick up their things, see their kids and friends, we are also going to renfair on Sunday which is also Gay day, should be fun, then we will be back on Monday in time to go bace to work Tuesday.
This may be the last blog for about a week unless I find time, so I will see you in about a week. Susan
Entry for April 12, 2009
Yesterday I came out to one of the other shifts, only one left, I think they will already know before I have the chance to tell them, but that's OK. Every thing has been easy for me, no problems at all so far, My Chief even asked what they could do to help me, I wasn't ready for that question, I had no trouble telling and talking about coming out, it was even kind of fun, now I can go anywhere in town and now worry about being seen, I will still be nervous,but I will get used to it.
Today I had to work on the house, I redid part of the plumbing on my solar hot water heater, took about four hours all done wearing a dress, sorry no plumbers crack.
Well that's my Easter, It's been great. Susan
Yesterday I came out to one of the other shifts, only one left, I think they will already know before I have the chance to tell them, but that's OK. Every thing has been easy for me, no problems at all so far, My Chief even asked what they could do to help me, I wasn't ready for that question, I had no trouble telling and talking about coming out, it was even kind of fun, now I can go anywhere in town and now worry about being seen, I will still be nervous,but I will get used to it.
Today I had to work on the house, I redid part of the plumbing on my solar hot water heater, took about four hours all done wearing a dress, sorry no plumbers crack.
Well that's my Easter, It's been great. Susan
Entry for April 13, 2009
Today I went into work just to come out to the three guys working this shift, now I only have four to go, but I can't tell them till next week because I dont see them that much.
The rest of the day I worked on my old house boat, it's starting to get hot, got to get it going.
Wont have time to blog tomorrow so I will try to do it at work Thursday.
Susan
Today I went into work just to come out to the three guys working this shift, now I only have four to go, but I can't tell them till next week because I dont see them that much.
The rest of the day I worked on my old house boat, it's starting to get hot, got to get it going.
Wont have time to blog tomorrow so I will try to do it at work Thursday.
Susan
Entry for April 08, 2009
One of my friends miss took what I said about guys, it's not that I like guys now I still like girls but what I am told is that can change with hormones so I am not going to rule anything out, if it feels right do it.
Sunday and Monday were just stay at home, do paper work and work on the boats days nice and easy.
Tuesday I put the rear seat back in the Samurai now that I have friends they need some where to sit, I know it's not a big car but it's great for running around town, I gave it a bath too.
I had to go down town to the post office to sign for a letter so I left it as late as possible so I could pick up the girls and go to taco Tuesday at Marie's house after and not make more than one trip, I had been dressed for two days and I wasn't about to go in boy mode for one thing, so I went to the post office all dressed up and it was fun, why do I worry.
Taco Tuesday was great again, Thanks Marie we love you.
Today I had a lot of running around to do and I did it all dressed, first I had to see my tax lady in bullhead, She knows I work at the fire department, then I went to Target, picked up some things for my friends, then to goodwill, found four skirts and a dress, got something to eat before going over the hill to Kingman, there I needed some parts at two hardwear stores, Havasu does not have much, then to flying J truck stop for new lights for the samurai another part that cost too much in Havasu and back home, a good day and a good last four days, People may look at you but it doesn't matter what they are thinking and most just don't care.
The next two days will be at work and I hope to be able to come out in the next two days at work, I just need one peace of paper from my Doctor and I will be set, wish me Luck. Susan
One of my friends miss took what I said about guys, it's not that I like guys now I still like girls but what I am told is that can change with hormones so I am not going to rule anything out, if it feels right do it.
Sunday and Monday were just stay at home, do paper work and work on the boats days nice and easy.
Tuesday I put the rear seat back in the Samurai now that I have friends they need some where to sit, I know it's not a big car but it's great for running around town, I gave it a bath too.
I had to go down town to the post office to sign for a letter so I left it as late as possible so I could pick up the girls and go to taco Tuesday at Marie's house after and not make more than one trip, I had been dressed for two days and I wasn't about to go in boy mode for one thing, so I went to the post office all dressed up and it was fun, why do I worry.
Taco Tuesday was great again, Thanks Marie we love you.
Today I had a lot of running around to do and I did it all dressed, first I had to see my tax lady in bullhead, She knows I work at the fire department, then I went to Target, picked up some things for my friends, then to goodwill, found four skirts and a dress, got something to eat before going over the hill to Kingman, there I needed some parts at two hardwear stores, Havasu does not have much, then to flying J truck stop for new lights for the samurai another part that cost too much in Havasu and back home, a good day and a good last four days, People may look at you but it doesn't matter what they are thinking and most just don't care.
The next two days will be at work and I hope to be able to come out in the next two days at work, I just need one peace of paper from my Doctor and I will be set, wish me Luck. Susan
Entry for April 09, 2009
Just a quick note, Today I came out to the Fire chief and the Secretary, they are the people that run the fire department, I also came out to the other two guys on my shift, so that's everybody I work with directly, all I have to do now is the other two shifts which is easy.
Every thing went well they all support me and the Chief asked what they could do to help me, I was not ready for that question but anyway every thing is good, I will write more when I am not at work. Susan
Just a quick note, Today I came out to the Fire chief and the Secretary, they are the people that run the fire department, I also came out to the other two guys on my shift, so that's everybody I work with directly, all I have to do now is the other two shifts which is easy.
Every thing went well they all support me and the Chief asked what they could do to help me, I was not ready for that question but anyway every thing is good, I will write more when I am not at work. Susan
Entry for April 03, 2009
Thursday Marie and my self left Havasu around noon for Phoenix, we arrived about 45 minutes early so we went into Savers, wow not enough time for that, we had to be at the therapist at 4pm, I didn't think I would like going to a therapist but I sure do like talking to mine, Mary is fun and really nice to talk to I miss the talks now that I only go once a month.
After that we had two and a half hours until the group meeting so Marie had arranged to meet up with a girl friend of hers for dinner, we found her easy and had a very good pizza, talked about computer geek stuff and her SRS, then we talked her into going to the group with us so we had a good night, we got back to Havasu around 1am, not too bad.
The only problem is that we did not get to go back to savers, I had some dresses picked out that I wanted to try on and now we know where Frys electronics is, It may take two days next time we go.
Susan
Thursday Marie and my self left Havasu around noon for Phoenix, we arrived about 45 minutes early so we went into Savers, wow not enough time for that, we had to be at the therapist at 4pm, I didn't think I would like going to a therapist but I sure do like talking to mine, Mary is fun and really nice to talk to I miss the talks now that I only go once a month.
After that we had two and a half hours until the group meeting so Marie had arranged to meet up with a girl friend of hers for dinner, we found her easy and had a very good pizza, talked about computer geek stuff and her SRS, then we talked her into going to the group with us so we had a good night, we got back to Havasu around 1am, not too bad.
The only problem is that we did not get to go back to savers, I had some dresses picked out that I wanted to try on and now we know where Frys electronics is, It may take two days next time we go.
Susan
Entry for April 04, 2009
I was sitting here at work watching TV and something hit me, when I watch TV and movies I watch how women dress, act, do their makeup and all that stuff but that's not it, now I find myself wondering what it would be like to be that women with that man, how would it feel, would it be as nice as it is in the movies, could I handle it, it is a different world now for me and I have to rethink every thing.
Just thought you would like to know what I was thinking sitting here at work. Susan
I was sitting here at work watching TV and something hit me, when I watch TV and movies I watch how women dress, act, do their makeup and all that stuff but that's not it, now I find myself wondering what it would be like to be that women with that man, how would it feel, would it be as nice as it is in the movies, could I handle it, it is a different world now for me and I have to rethink every thing.
Just thought you would like to know what I was thinking sitting here at work. Susan
Entry for April 01, 2009
This is a redo of the blog that yahoo lost.
On Monday I got off work at 8am, went over to the girls house to drop some things off, then to the bank and food on off to home.
Later I had to go back into town for electrolysis for another 2 hours, afterward s I went back to the girls house to hang out and take them to the store, when I got there Marie was there too so we petty much hung out had supper and watched a movie.
Tuesday I need a little house cleaning before going down to pick up the girls to bring them to my house, very few people have been there, so they came up and hung out at my house for a change. Later we all went over to Marie's house for taco Tuesday.
Wednesday I stayed home all day, did a little work but mostly rested up for the next day.
OK let me see if this will let me post it.
This is a redo of the blog that yahoo lost.
On Monday I got off work at 8am, went over to the girls house to drop some things off, then to the bank and food on off to home.
Later I had to go back into town for electrolysis for another 2 hours, afterward s I went back to the girls house to hang out and take them to the store, when I got there Marie was there too so we petty much hung out had supper and watched a movie.
Tuesday I need a little house cleaning before going down to pick up the girls to bring them to my house, very few people have been there, so they came up and hung out at my house for a change. Later we all went over to Marie's house for taco Tuesday.
Wednesday I stayed home all day, did a little work but mostly rested up for the next day.
OK let me see if this will let me post it.
Entry for March 28, 2009
Ok I should make this fast because I am at work, rough job.
The last four days off were good, I did a lot, the first to days I blogged about already. So Thursday I went to Phoenix first to see my doctor who is upping my hormones again because not much is happing, the only thing I can feel is my skin so far, but it does feel nice. Today is one month on hormones, hope I start feeling some thing by two months. Then the next stop was the therapist, that went good too, I had made notes about what I had done in the last month, even though I send her all my blogs a lot of it still needs to be talked about, so we did and every thing went good.
I got home just in time to meet with the pride group at Starbucks, so that whole trip took about 12 hours, I am getting used to it.
Friday I got up, got ready for work because I knew I would not have time when I got home to do it, I got dressed and went into town to my friends house so she could help me with my myspace page http://www.myspace.com/390236810, it was very plain and straight because it's was my boy site, not so much anymore. Then we all went to Kmart to pick up some things, I needed more sprio, I wore my long skirt so people would not have my legs to look at and it seems to work good, didn't see a lot of people looking at me and nobody really cares what you wear, when I went to checkout I had to show my male ID for the visa card, I said don't look, she said oh that's fine dear, so no big deal. after that we went to Marie's house to hang out until movie time, Marie's movie for the night was MILK, for me it was interesting because I kind of remember some of it when it happened but it doesn't seem like that long ago to me and the news never showed all that as I remember.
Anyway a good four days, oh almost forgot, the only women firefighter now works on our shift every 2 weeks, she said a funny thing to me this morning I don't remember what brought it on but she said joking are you boy or girl and I said yes, so later on when the others were out of the room I asked her why she said that, she said no reason she was just kidding around, so I thought it was a good time to come out to her and I did, we talked a little bit about it with what time I had and every thing was good.
good night Susan.
Ok I should make this fast because I am at work, rough job.
The last four days off were good, I did a lot, the first to days I blogged about already. So Thursday I went to Phoenix first to see my doctor who is upping my hormones again because not much is happing, the only thing I can feel is my skin so far, but it does feel nice. Today is one month on hormones, hope I start feeling some thing by two months. Then the next stop was the therapist, that went good too, I had made notes about what I had done in the last month, even though I send her all my blogs a lot of it still needs to be talked about, so we did and every thing went good.
I got home just in time to meet with the pride group at Starbucks, so that whole trip took about 12 hours, I am getting used to it.
Friday I got up, got ready for work because I knew I would not have time when I got home to do it, I got dressed and went into town to my friends house so she could help me with my myspace page http://www.myspace.com/390236810, it was very plain and straight because it's was my boy site, not so much anymore. Then we all went to Kmart to pick up some things, I needed more sprio, I wore my long skirt so people would not have my legs to look at and it seems to work good, didn't see a lot of people looking at me and nobody really cares what you wear, when I went to checkout I had to show my male ID for the visa card, I said don't look, she said oh that's fine dear, so no big deal. after that we went to Marie's house to hang out until movie time, Marie's movie for the night was MILK, for me it was interesting because I kind of remember some of it when it happened but it doesn't seem like that long ago to me and the news never showed all that as I remember.
Anyway a good four days, oh almost forgot, the only women firefighter now works on our shift every 2 weeks, she said a funny thing to me this morning I don't remember what brought it on but she said joking are you boy or girl and I said yes, so later on when the others were out of the room I asked her why she said that, she said no reason she was just kidding around, so I thought it was a good time to come out to her and I did, we talked a little bit about it with what time I had and every thing was good.
good night Susan.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Entry for March 25, 2009
Ok two days at home, I went out to get some things I needed, so I got dressed in what I thought was boy mode but i am not sure any more, every thing I was wearing was girl clothing, short shorts and a black top it's just that I didn't have on the wig and makeup, no mater where I went people would look at me not that I care any more, I guess they are just thinking, why is this man wearing those clothing. anyway I picked up the girls so they could get some shopping done too, then we went to the sandbar gril and had some good hambugers, It's fun to now have friends I can go out with and go shopping who dont care what I am or what I wear.
Today I worked on my old house boat again before I had to go out and get a new wheel for my old sail boat trailer, once again I went out pettymuch dressed the same way except I had on girls jeans, same thing happened every where I went, I got the head to toe looks, you may be thinking, then dont dress like that, but thats the way I like to dress, I dont tell anybody how to dress and if I dressed like every body else then I would not be me.
Thursday I get to go to Phoenix and see my doctor and therapist and maybe make it back in time to go to starbucks so no blog thursday. Susan
Ok two days at home, I went out to get some things I needed, so I got dressed in what I thought was boy mode but i am not sure any more, every thing I was wearing was girl clothing, short shorts and a black top it's just that I didn't have on the wig and makeup, no mater where I went people would look at me not that I care any more, I guess they are just thinking, why is this man wearing those clothing. anyway I picked up the girls so they could get some shopping done too, then we went to the sandbar gril and had some good hambugers, It's fun to now have friends I can go out with and go shopping who dont care what I am or what I wear.
Today I worked on my old house boat again before I had to go out and get a new wheel for my old sail boat trailer, once again I went out pettymuch dressed the same way except I had on girls jeans, same thing happened every where I went, I got the head to toe looks, you may be thinking, then dont dress like that, but thats the way I like to dress, I dont tell anybody how to dress and if I dressed like every body else then I would not be me.
Thursday I get to go to Phoenix and see my doctor and therapist and maybe make it back in time to go to starbucks so no blog thursday. Susan
Entry for March 19, 2009
Today I was going to go right to work on my house boat but I spent all morning going through my clothes, boy do I have some junk, threw a lot of my old tee shirts into the goodwill bag with the last of my boy jeans, I have been buying girls jeans and shorts for a long time now. I was also trying on some of my old stuff to see if it still fit and to see how it looked, I found 2 pairs of tights that I can wear now that I have had for a long time.
Going to Starbucks tonight talk tomorrow. Susan
Today I was going to go right to work on my house boat but I spent all morning going through my clothes, boy do I have some junk, threw a lot of my old tee shirts into the goodwill bag with the last of my boy jeans, I have been buying girls jeans and shorts for a long time now. I was also trying on some of my old stuff to see if it still fit and to see how it looked, I found 2 pairs of tights that I can wear now that I have had for a long time.
Going to Starbucks tonight talk tomorrow. Susan
Entry for March 22, 2009
Thursday night went well at Starbucks, we had more people show up, almost ran out of tables, afterward the girls and I went to Marie's house where she played music and we talked until 2 am.
Friday I was tired for some reason, I didn't get much done, I don't even remember if I did anything.
Saturday I started painting the overhead in my old house boat, a job I have been putting off because I hate painting, but at least I got it done and I feel better now it's done, took about 5 hours.
Today I am going to work for another 2 days. Reading my group email I found a u tube video for voice training which I watched and liked, I don't think that I really thought that it was possible to change my voice that much but now that I have seen it I believe it is possible, I can't wait to watch the other videos that she has.
Got to get ready for work bye for now. Susan
Thursday night went well at Starbucks, we had more people show up, almost ran out of tables, afterward the girls and I went to Marie's house where she played music and we talked until 2 am.
Friday I was tired for some reason, I didn't get much done, I don't even remember if I did anything.
Saturday I started painting the overhead in my old house boat, a job I have been putting off because I hate painting, but at least I got it done and I feel better now it's done, took about 5 hours.
Today I am going to work for another 2 days. Reading my group email I found a u tube video for voice training which I watched and liked, I don't think that I really thought that it was possible to change my voice that much but now that I have seen it I believe it is possible, I can't wait to watch the other videos that she has.
Got to get ready for work bye for now. Susan
Entry for March 18, 2009
Two more days of work done, every day of work brings me closer to SRS.
Today after getting off work I went for a 3 mile run, the first after my being sick, it sure was hard starting off but after about a mile in was getting a little easier and I feel good now.
I did another two hours of electrolysis this afternoon, up to 14 now, it's starting to look better now, where she has been working is a lot easier to shave now and where she has done I can go all day.
I came out to another guy at work yesterday and that went real good, no problem so now that's three at work that know.
I think now I have more girl clothing than boy, more I can go out in anyway, all my boy stuff is old anyway, some of the girl clothing I need to have my own boobs for, this pocket bra is too big and I don't like glue and tape so for now I will go without boobs.
Susan
Two more days of work done, every day of work brings me closer to SRS.
Today after getting off work I went for a 3 mile run, the first after my being sick, it sure was hard starting off but after about a mile in was getting a little easier and I feel good now.
I did another two hours of electrolysis this afternoon, up to 14 now, it's starting to look better now, where she has been working is a lot easier to shave now and where she has done I can go all day.
I came out to another guy at work yesterday and that went real good, no problem so now that's three at work that know.
I think now I have more girl clothing than boy, more I can go out in anyway, all my boy stuff is old anyway, some of the girl clothing I need to have my own boobs for, this pocket bra is too big and I don't like glue and tape so for now I will go without boobs.
Susan
Entry for March 15, 2009
Well I had the web cam out so I thought it would be a good idea to practice walking in front of it and it's a good job too I look terrible, I have been watching how women walk for months now and haven't learned a thing by what I see, boy do I need help, I made about 6 videos of my self walking inside and outside, then I watched them for about an hour to see what I was doing wrong, so what I have come up with so far is this, keep the legs close when walking, take shorter steps, look straight ahead, shoulders back, head up and for me just letting the arms hang loose for now is what seems to work best for me. but I still need help, I know this is something I am going to have to practice every day, It's going to be hard to get that sailor walk out of me after all these years.
I am watching myself in the web cam right now, trying to work on that smile.
later Susan
Well I had the web cam out so I thought it would be a good idea to practice walking in front of it and it's a good job too I look terrible, I have been watching how women walk for months now and haven't learned a thing by what I see, boy do I need help, I made about 6 videos of my self walking inside and outside, then I watched them for about an hour to see what I was doing wrong, so what I have come up with so far is this, keep the legs close when walking, take shorter steps, look straight ahead, shoulders back, head up and for me just letting the arms hang loose for now is what seems to work best for me. but I still need help, I know this is something I am going to have to practice every day, It's going to be hard to get that sailor walk out of me after all these years.
I am watching myself in the web cam right now, trying to work on that smile.
later Susan
Entry for March 14, 2009
I was working out side today with my wig on and all girl clothing and one of the fire trucks from work drove by, I don't know if they saw me or not but they didn't stop, I almost ran and hid, good job I have about a 340 foot set back.
I have found it is just as easy to wear a wig as it is to wear a hat, I think the wig is cooler too, so I will be wearing the wigs a lot more now.
I was walking back and forth to my shed to day which is down by the road, about 300 feet from the house, so I thought it would be a good time to practice with putting in a little wiggle into my walk, it was fun till I almost fell, I just had to laugh, if I had got hurt what would I tell the doctor I was doing, well they need a good laugh too.
Day 1 of the higher dose of hormones and I logged it in to my TG log.
The picture is of my house from the road, you can see how far the house is from the road, the house is way in the back, well shed in the middle and my big building on the right.
That's all for now, Peace and love to you all Susan
I was working out side today with my wig on and all girl clothing and one of the fire trucks from work drove by, I don't know if they saw me or not but they didn't stop, I almost ran and hid, good job I have about a 340 foot set back.
I have found it is just as easy to wear a wig as it is to wear a hat, I think the wig is cooler too, so I will be wearing the wigs a lot more now.
I was walking back and forth to my shed to day which is down by the road, about 300 feet from the house, so I thought it would be a good time to practice with putting in a little wiggle into my walk, it was fun till I almost fell, I just had to laugh, if I had got hurt what would I tell the doctor I was doing, well they need a good laugh too.
Day 1 of the higher dose of hormones and I logged it in to my TG log.
The picture is of my house from the road, you can see how far the house is from the road, the house is way in the back, well shed in the middle and my big building on the right.
That's all for now, Peace and love to you all Susan
blog entry for 15 march 2009
Me day, feeling better so I thought I had better do a little workout, no weights, a girl workout, I tried to do a video for reference so I can look back in a year to see if there is any improvement, I will try and post it for you so you can have a good laugh, I may not look any better in a year but I may get better with the videos.
Susan
Me day, feeling better so I thought I had better do a little workout, no weights, a girl workout, I tried to do a video for reference so I can look back in a year to see if there is any improvement, I will try and post it for you so you can have a good laugh, I may not look any better in a year but I may get better with the videos.
Susan
Entry for March 09, 2009
Lab day, went in for my first lab test today, took 5 minutes and a little blood, hopefully I don't have to pay for it, the blood is enought.
Called my doctor today, the main reason was for the lack of feeling anything from the hormones, he said that this first prescription was for starting, to see how I take it, so I have to call again in the morning and they will up the dosage.
Should have been a doctor, he didn't have much time because he had to make 30 phone calls before he could go home, how many doctors are out of work right now?
I had somebody come to my house today, nobody comes to my house out here in the boonies, It was the county assessor who I have meet before at work so he knows me and where I work, I had only been home a short time, I was trying on some flat shoes, I had on a skort, ear rings and a tee shirt so I think I looked a little feminine, we talked out side for about 10 minutes before he went to the next house. it's getting closer to the time I have to come out, I just know it, it's hard to keep my mouth shut at work, I will just have to not talk to anybody, like that's going to happen.
Back to work tomorrow and Wednesday, no taco Tuesday for me the next 2 weeks. Susan
Lab day, went in for my first lab test today, took 5 minutes and a little blood, hopefully I don't have to pay for it, the blood is enought.
Called my doctor today, the main reason was for the lack of feeling anything from the hormones, he said that this first prescription was for starting, to see how I take it, so I have to call again in the morning and they will up the dosage.
Should have been a doctor, he didn't have much time because he had to make 30 phone calls before he could go home, how many doctors are out of work right now?
I had somebody come to my house today, nobody comes to my house out here in the boonies, It was the county assessor who I have meet before at work so he knows me and where I work, I had only been home a short time, I was trying on some flat shoes, I had on a skort, ear rings and a tee shirt so I think I looked a little feminine, we talked out side for about 10 minutes before he went to the next house. it's getting closer to the time I have to come out, I just know it, it's hard to keep my mouth shut at work, I will just have to not talk to anybody, like that's going to happen.
Back to work tomorrow and Wednesday, no taco Tuesday for me the next 2 weeks. Susan
Coming Out Entry for March 13, 2009
OK this is the second time I am doing this blog, the first time Yahoo lost it, 360 was running very slow this morning so here goes again.
Last night I went to Starbucks again for the local Pride meeting, I met some new people there last night, had a nice time and we closed Starbucks.
I am sorry about the bad picture, that's how I got dressed to go out last night, after I looked at how short the skirt was I went and changed to a longer one, I think that one may have been to much for Starbucks, I do like it thou, I will find a place where I can wear it some day.
Other than that not much else happened yesterday.
Today was not going to be a big day it just happened, I was talking to my ex wife this morning about taxes, she had called me last night when I was at Starbucks and my phone never rang so I didn't call her back until today, She asked me where I was at last night and I told her, then she wanted to know who I was with, so I told her who I was with, then she wanted to know why I was with gays and lesbians, so anyway I ended up telling her I was the T in the GLBT and what all that meant, she took it well, shocked but well, the only thing she is mad about is getting the divorce, she wanted to stay married so she could have the military medical insurance for the rest of her life, she even said she would have signed off on the SRS for me, anyway all is good and it went better than I thought it would.
I was getting ready to go out for another 2 hours of electrolysis when she called be back, she said why could I have just been gay because it was easier for her to under stand, I told her because I am just not gay, then she said that I should have had her pick out my name, How do you say control freak.
So I was getting ready to go out for electrolysis, I did not want to go in boy mode but I can't shave so I got dressed with out shaving, only eye make up and no wig, not the best look but better than nothing, I did take my electric razor and wig with me because I wanted to do some shopping after electrolysis. On the way I had to make one stop to pick up some money from one of the officers from work, this is a person who I have not come out to, I wasn't going to change just for this so I went over to his house, after he gave me the money he asked what was up with the nails, I asked if he would keep a secret and he said he would just so long as he could tell his wife, so I just told him I was a Transsexual and he was good with it and that's all their was to it, just so long as I could do my job he didn't care.
Now I only have one hard place to come out at and that is work, soon.
Went to my electrolysis, then I shaved put on my wig and went to the thrift store for some more tops, I didn't look too good without the makeup but nobody seems to care, I dont care just so long as they are not mean, mean people suck.
That's all for now, I may not go out at all untill I have to go back to work, unless I go to the swap meet on Sunday. Susan
OK this is the second time I am doing this blog, the first time Yahoo lost it, 360 was running very slow this morning so here goes again.
Last night I went to Starbucks again for the local Pride meeting, I met some new people there last night, had a nice time and we closed Starbucks.
I am sorry about the bad picture, that's how I got dressed to go out last night, after I looked at how short the skirt was I went and changed to a longer one, I think that one may have been to much for Starbucks, I do like it thou, I will find a place where I can wear it some day.
Other than that not much else happened yesterday.
Today was not going to be a big day it just happened, I was talking to my ex wife this morning about taxes, she had called me last night when I was at Starbucks and my phone never rang so I didn't call her back until today, She asked me where I was at last night and I told her, then she wanted to know who I was with, so I told her who I was with, then she wanted to know why I was with gays and lesbians, so anyway I ended up telling her I was the T in the GLBT and what all that meant, she took it well, shocked but well, the only thing she is mad about is getting the divorce, she wanted to stay married so she could have the military medical insurance for the rest of her life, she even said she would have signed off on the SRS for me, anyway all is good and it went better than I thought it would.
I was getting ready to go out for another 2 hours of electrolysis when she called be back, she said why could I have just been gay because it was easier for her to under stand, I told her because I am just not gay, then she said that I should have had her pick out my name, How do you say control freak.
So I was getting ready to go out for electrolysis, I did not want to go in boy mode but I can't shave so I got dressed with out shaving, only eye make up and no wig, not the best look but better than nothing, I did take my electric razor and wig with me because I wanted to do some shopping after electrolysis. On the way I had to make one stop to pick up some money from one of the officers from work, this is a person who I have not come out to, I wasn't going to change just for this so I went over to his house, after he gave me the money he asked what was up with the nails, I asked if he would keep a secret and he said he would just so long as he could tell his wife, so I just told him I was a Transsexual and he was good with it and that's all their was to it, just so long as I could do my job he didn't care.
Now I only have one hard place to come out at and that is work, soon.
Went to my electrolysis, then I shaved put on my wig and went to the thrift store for some more tops, I didn't look too good without the makeup but nobody seems to care, I dont care just so long as they are not mean, mean people suck.
That's all for now, I may not go out at all untill I have to go back to work, unless I go to the swap meet on Sunday. Susan
Entry for Febuary 25,26,27, 2009
OK the other day I had a little bit of a sore throat, well today it hit hard, right behind my eye balls and nose, all I wanted to do was keep them closed and so that's what I did, I stayed home from work for both days and did nothing for e days, I don't get sick too often but when I do I do it right, hope I didn't pass it on to anybody. Susan
OK the other day I had a little bit of a sore throat, well today it hit hard, right behind my eye balls and nose, all I wanted to do was keep them closed and so that's what I did, I stayed home from work for both days and did nothing for e days, I don't get sick too often but when I do I do it right, hope I didn't pass it on to anybody. Susan
Entry for Febuary 28, 2009 Hormone Day
Still sick but getting better.
Today is the day, I started Hormones today, so what, about 2 months before I start to feel anything, well that's gives me time to work on some of the other things I need to do.
I went to another 2 hours of electrolysis at noon, really didn't feel like it but went anyway, came home and went to bed for 4 hours another day done. Susan
Still sick but getting better.
Today is the day, I started Hormones today, so what, about 2 months before I start to feel anything, well that's gives me time to work on some of the other things I need to do.
I went to another 2 hours of electrolysis at noon, really didn't feel like it but went anyway, came home and went to bed for 4 hours another day done. Susan
Entry for March 07, 2009
Not too much going on right now, I am still working on getting better, worked another 48 hours.
I am getting back into my normal routine now that I don't have to work so hard on getting hormones, I have been on them for a week now, I would say that not much is happening with them because I thought that some of the things I am feeling are due to being sick but I am not sure, some things are tasting different, my skin I thought was feeling oily but it may be that it is just smoother, it is real hard to tell, I do know that when I am in bed it is just nice to rub my legs together, feels good.
I am now up to 10 hours on electrolysis, only around 190 to go if I am lucky.
I am staying dressed as much as possible, there is always some part of me that's dressed as a woman, some jobs I have to do outside require me to wear my girls jeans and a tee shirt, I hate it when I have to change out of a skirt, you know I have more skirts than jeans now, I am working on tops more now, still need more shoes, it hard to find 10 1/2 sizes in styles I like and the mail order do not fit right.
Anyway that's all for now. Susan
Not too much going on right now, I am still working on getting better, worked another 48 hours.
I am getting back into my normal routine now that I don't have to work so hard on getting hormones, I have been on them for a week now, I would say that not much is happening with them because I thought that some of the things I am feeling are due to being sick but I am not sure, some things are tasting different, my skin I thought was feeling oily but it may be that it is just smoother, it is real hard to tell, I do know that when I am in bed it is just nice to rub my legs together, feels good.
I am now up to 10 hours on electrolysis, only around 190 to go if I am lucky.
I am staying dressed as much as possible, there is always some part of me that's dressed as a woman, some jobs I have to do outside require me to wear my girls jeans and a tee shirt, I hate it when I have to change out of a skirt, you know I have more skirts than jeans now, I am working on tops more now, still need more shoes, it hard to find 10 1/2 sizes in styles I like and the mail order do not fit right.
Anyway that's all for now. Susan
Entry for February 22, 2009
Back home once again, not much happened at work in the last 2 days, today when I got off work I went to the swap meet, I haven t been there a about a year, I found this one long dress that I just loved the color on and a kind of tye died top for when I get enough stuff to dress like a Hippie, could not wait to get home and try them on.
After that I went for a 3 mile speed walk, for wild land firefighting I have to be able to walk 3 miles in 45 minutes with 45 pound pack on, I don't have a 45 pound pack so I just did it with out in about 42 minutes that's as fast as my short legs can go, that feels so good on the bum, the other day I did some girl type leg exercises and that I could feel for the next 3 days.
Then I went to the bank, food city and home.
I got home took a long hot bath, put on my boobs hair and tried on my new clothes which is where I am at now and hopefully keep them on for the next 3 days.
Susan
Back home once again, not much happened at work in the last 2 days, today when I got off work I went to the swap meet, I haven t been there a about a year, I found this one long dress that I just loved the color on and a kind of tye died top for when I get enough stuff to dress like a Hippie, could not wait to get home and try them on.
After that I went for a 3 mile speed walk, for wild land firefighting I have to be able to walk 3 miles in 45 minutes with 45 pound pack on, I don't have a 45 pound pack so I just did it with out in about 42 minutes that's as fast as my short legs can go, that feels so good on the bum, the other day I did some girl type leg exercises and that I could feel for the next 3 days.
Then I went to the bank, food city and home.
I got home took a long hot bath, put on my boobs hair and tried on my new clothes which is where I am at now and hopefully keep them on for the next 3 days.
Susan
Entry for Febuary 24, 2009
I had a nice night at my friends house last night, I only had 1 beer so that was good.
The girls got to see how I dress when I am at home because I basically went out how I was dressed, just refreshed the makeup.
Another slow day today, cleaned the bathroom, so much fun.
Taco Tuesday night at Marie's I dressed up in the new dress that I got at the swap meet the other day, so it's a little over dressed for taco's but it's fun, on the way I had to stop and get something to drink at a convenience store, boy did I get the looks, I know that I may never present well and it may not be that I really care, just so long as I can dress the way I want to, most women that I see, the ones I am supposed to dress like are boring or are slobs, oh well I will figure it out.
Susan
I had a nice night at my friends house last night, I only had 1 beer so that was good.
The girls got to see how I dress when I am at home because I basically went out how I was dressed, just refreshed the makeup.
Another slow day today, cleaned the bathroom, so much fun.
Taco Tuesday night at Marie's I dressed up in the new dress that I got at the swap meet the other day, so it's a little over dressed for taco's but it's fun, on the way I had to stop and get something to drink at a convenience store, boy did I get the looks, I know that I may never present well and it may not be that I really care, just so long as I can dress the way I want to, most women that I see, the ones I am supposed to dress like are boring or are slobs, oh well I will figure it out.
Susan
Entry for February 18, 2009
Today I ran about 2.5 miles and did a bunch of reading on the computer about Electrolysis, found another good site that somebody put on one of the groups and went to check out doctors in Thailand, tried to clean up my desk and put papers away but I just do not have enough places to put stuff, how do I get all this stuff, time to spring clean again.
Got a new swim suit catalog in the mail today from my favorite place called Skinz. So what do I do now, do I buy boys? or girls? I guess I have enough boys so I will try to find a girls that will fit without the boobs and big enough for down below, summer will be here before I know it.
Susan
Today I ran about 2.5 miles and did a bunch of reading on the computer about Electrolysis, found another good site that somebody put on one of the groups and went to check out doctors in Thailand, tried to clean up my desk and put papers away but I just do not have enough places to put stuff, how do I get all this stuff, time to spring clean again.
Got a new swim suit catalog in the mail today from my favorite place called Skinz. So what do I do now, do I buy boys? or girls? I guess I have enough boys so I will try to find a girls that will fit without the boobs and big enough for down below, summer will be here before I know it.
Susan
Entry for February 19, 2009
Another day working on the computer and cleaning up and getting ready for work, also trying to figure out medical billing, what fun.
Tonight was Starbucks night so I dressed up again and went to see my friends, I had this red berry tea, it's really good and I don't usually go for things like that every thing is changing for me.
I have been dressed girl for three days now but back to work in the morning and back to guy mode, I hope I get to come out soon but I know not to rush it now, haven't been caught yet, I know it's going to happen when I least expect it.
I should be able to blog in the next 2 days at work, this station has a computer. Susan
Another day working on the computer and cleaning up and getting ready for work, also trying to figure out medical billing, what fun.
Tonight was Starbucks night so I dressed up again and went to see my friends, I had this red berry tea, it's really good and I don't usually go for things like that every thing is changing for me.
I have been dressed girl for three days now but back to work in the morning and back to guy mode, I hope I get to come out soon but I know not to rush it now, haven't been caught yet, I know it's going to happen when I least expect it.
I should be able to blog in the next 2 days at work, this station has a computer. Susan
Entry for February 16, 2009
The last 2 days at work were uneventful again, I did do a little pushing but I can't remember what I said, I did take my hot pink coffee cup to work just to see what they would say, but all I got was a " got a new coffee cup" That was it. I did get to read 2 chapters of the book Sex Changes The Politics of Transgenderism. So even without a computer at this station I was able to get some thing done.
Today is still almost a work day, after I got off work I came home, got changed into tee shirt, sweat shirt and my girl jeans and went to a medic meeting at one of the havasu fire stations, I try to go on work days but this month it falls on my off time, I have to attend 10 meetings in the year so I had to go. After that my Electrolysis called and she had an opening at 1:30 so I said OK and did that for 4 hours.
Now I have to go back to town at the main station for a union meeting, run, run, run.
Tomorrow I am going to Phoenix to see a doctor for hormones and then hope to be back in time for taco Tuesday. Susan
The last 2 days at work were uneventful again, I did do a little pushing but I can't remember what I said, I did take my hot pink coffee cup to work just to see what they would say, but all I got was a " got a new coffee cup" That was it. I did get to read 2 chapters of the book Sex Changes The Politics of Transgenderism. So even without a computer at this station I was able to get some thing done.
Today is still almost a work day, after I got off work I came home, got changed into tee shirt, sweat shirt and my girl jeans and went to a medic meeting at one of the havasu fire stations, I try to go on work days but this month it falls on my off time, I have to attend 10 meetings in the year so I had to go. After that my Electrolysis called and she had an opening at 1:30 so I said OK and did that for 4 hours.
Now I have to go back to town at the main station for a union meeting, run, run, run.
Tomorrow I am going to Phoenix to see a doctor for hormones and then hope to be back in time for taco Tuesday. Susan
Entry for February 17, 2009
This is for yesterday. I went to Phoenix yesterday to see a doctor for hormones, so it was another uneventful 4 hour drive, the only thing was the top I had on I had never worn with boobs before and it was just too small so on the way home I took it off and put on a hooded sweat shirt.
Got to the doctors office and of course it was a big office building that I had to walk into, filled out the paper work, got right in meet the doctor and basically talked for about an hour, he introduced him self and how he feels about the subject, the process, what I want to do, went over any medical problems that I have, then told me how he was going to make what I want happen.
I have never had a doctor as nice as this one, he seems to know so much more than the other doctors I have been to, I have one problem that my last doctor here in town wasn't able to fix that he knows how to fix it, it's so easy. So far all the professional people have been great to me, I have no complaints.
Anyway I will be getting my Hormones soon then I will feel like I have really started and to my therapist yes I am happy, the closer it gets the happier I get, I was a little teary eyed on the way home last night, that's a good thing thank you.
Stopped at my friends house on the way home again for taco Tuesday, another good night and another good day.
I will be back later to do today's stuff Susan
This is for yesterday. I went to Phoenix yesterday to see a doctor for hormones, so it was another uneventful 4 hour drive, the only thing was the top I had on I had never worn with boobs before and it was just too small so on the way home I took it off and put on a hooded sweat shirt.
Got to the doctors office and of course it was a big office building that I had to walk into, filled out the paper work, got right in meet the doctor and basically talked for about an hour, he introduced him self and how he feels about the subject, the process, what I want to do, went over any medical problems that I have, then told me how he was going to make what I want happen.
I have never had a doctor as nice as this one, he seems to know so much more than the other doctors I have been to, I have one problem that my last doctor here in town wasn't able to fix that he knows how to fix it, it's so easy. So far all the professional people have been great to me, I have no complaints.
Anyway I will be getting my Hormones soon then I will feel like I have really started and to my therapist yes I am happy, the closer it gets the happier I get, I was a little teary eyed on the way home last night, that's a good thing thank you.
Stopped at my friends house on the way home again for taco Tuesday, another good night and another good day.
I will be back later to do today's stuff Susan
Entry for February 13, 2009
Yesterday I went to Phoenix to see my therapist again, She went over the results from the MM PI test, just about what I expected, not in distress or depression, that I may brood and get down on myself, frequently discouraged and easily hurt by criticism, calm, easy going and optimistic.
I have a higher masculine pattern than a woman taking the test, do you think that could be due to trying to live as a man for 55 years.
That I show social discomfort and a tendency to avoid social interaction, that's because I am shy, I thought about this a lot because I hate being shy, I watch other people and wish I could be like them, maybe I would have done this a long time ago if I had been more out going, I don't think I was shy when I was real young, around three years old, I told my ex wife what I think changed me, of course she thought it was stupid, when I was three I remember walking up to a bigger kid to tell him his mother wanted him and he shot me in the eye with a pop gun, I think that's when I became afraid of people, who knows, maybe it was when I almost drowned in a lake, maybe I got brain damage, anyway it's too late now, now that's something my therapist could help me with, I wonder if hypnosis works on that, I also wondered if hypnosis works on GID, I would bet that if you are for real the only thing it's going to do is mess you up more because the girl is still trying to get out but you are not letting her so it would just cause more conflict.
Today I received a sorry card from the person who gave me the wrong key for the restroom when I went to take the MM PI test, I had put it on a comment card before I left, I did call and thank her anyway.
I went in for another two hours of electrolysis, so much fun.
Made a doctor appointment for next Tuesday, to my therapist Yes I am excited, I just don't show it like most people do, I am real guarded, I don't like disappointment and until things are really working this is the way I am, I don't count my chickens before they are hatched.
On the way home last night I had four hours to think again, My therapist gave me the diagnosis of GID which is what I wanted, it's what I need, I started to have mixed feelings about it, It says that there is something officially wrong with me and that's no little thing when you think about it, Yes I am still Happy it just hasn't hit yet.
I also stopped at Starbucks for the local pride meeting, I walked in behind a Havasu police officer, I was a little shaky when I sat down but got over it in minutes and went up to the counter to get a drink, the girls that work there are real nice.
Thats all for now, it's being a busy four days and back to work fore the weekend, I will write on monday. Susan
Yesterday I went to Phoenix to see my therapist again, She went over the results from the MM PI test, just about what I expected, not in distress or depression, that I may brood and get down on myself, frequently discouraged and easily hurt by criticism, calm, easy going and optimistic.
I have a higher masculine pattern than a woman taking the test, do you think that could be due to trying to live as a man for 55 years.
That I show social discomfort and a tendency to avoid social interaction, that's because I am shy, I thought about this a lot because I hate being shy, I watch other people and wish I could be like them, maybe I would have done this a long time ago if I had been more out going, I don't think I was shy when I was real young, around three years old, I told my ex wife what I think changed me, of course she thought it was stupid, when I was three I remember walking up to a bigger kid to tell him his mother wanted him and he shot me in the eye with a pop gun, I think that's when I became afraid of people, who knows, maybe it was when I almost drowned in a lake, maybe I got brain damage, anyway it's too late now, now that's something my therapist could help me with, I wonder if hypnosis works on that, I also wondered if hypnosis works on GID, I would bet that if you are for real the only thing it's going to do is mess you up more because the girl is still trying to get out but you are not letting her so it would just cause more conflict.
Today I received a sorry card from the person who gave me the wrong key for the restroom when I went to take the MM PI test, I had put it on a comment card before I left, I did call and thank her anyway.
I went in for another two hours of electrolysis, so much fun.
Made a doctor appointment for next Tuesday, to my therapist Yes I am excited, I just don't show it like most people do, I am real guarded, I don't like disappointment and until things are really working this is the way I am, I don't count my chickens before they are hatched.
On the way home last night I had four hours to think again, My therapist gave me the diagnosis of GID which is what I wanted, it's what I need, I started to have mixed feelings about it, It says that there is something officially wrong with me and that's no little thing when you think about it, Yes I am still Happy it just hasn't hit yet.
I also stopped at Starbucks for the local pride meeting, I walked in behind a Havasu police officer, I was a little shaky when I sat down but got over it in minutes and went up to the counter to get a drink, the girls that work there are real nice.
Thats all for now, it's being a busy four days and back to work fore the weekend, I will write on monday. Susan
Bad Day February 10, 2009
Why is it that one thing can ruin a perfectly good day, today I went to Phoenix to take the MMPI test, I got off work at 8 am went to the bank, then to my friends house to change cause there was not enough time to go home, drove to Phoenix with one stop at the rest stop and then to my appointment, I went into the office and asked for the key for the rest room, the lady gave me a key, I went out to the lady's rest room and the key did not work, I tried for about a minute before I tried the mens room, it worked there, I didn't want to walk back to the office so I went in, luckily nobody was in there so I went and did my business, while I was in there somebody came in, I had on flip flops and my toe nails are painted so I moved my feet back as far as they would go so as not to be seen, I waited for him to leave and then I got out of there as fast as I could, went back to the office, not too happy mind you but did not say anything, filled out paper work, took the 567 question true and false test, it all took about 1 1/2 hours, went to the front office this time I asked for the restroom key the other one, she said sorry and gave me the lady's key, and that went fine, the bad part is coming.
On the way back home I stop at this ZIP truck stop to fill up, it has the best price and the whole trip cost runs about $55, I got done fueling then went into the lady's rest room just like last time, did not really see anybody watching me but I was sitting down peeing and somebody was checking my stall door, I said occupied and finished, went to wash my hands, she was still out there, one of the store employees, as I was trying to was my hands she was trying to tell me the manager wanted to talk to me, so I went out and he was waiting at the entrance to the rest room, I am not sure what he said exactly but some thing like Sir you can't use the lady's room you have to use the men room so I said I can't use the men room do you have a single rest room, he then pointed to two handicap rest room, I said that was cool and sorry and that was that, I wasn't going to run out of there so I went looking for beer for the taco Tuesday night, I had to ask another employee, she said they didn't have beer there so I left.
The rest of the night was good, I stopped at a mini mart picked up some beer and went to my friends house for taco Tuesday, meet some new people had some good tacos and cake and went home, not a bad day but that 2 minutes is still with me and will set me back for a long time, It wouldn't bother me that much but if I was to be arrested for being in the wrong bath room, that would ruin every thing and I would be really be pissed, what does Harry Benjamin say about us getting arrested for trying to follow his SOC. I know many people have been through the same thing because that's what we have to do but it doesn't make it right, because of who we are I can under stand the discrimination and the humiliation that we are put through from people that don't under stand us but when doctors make us do things knowing perfectly well what's going to happen then some thing is wrong with the system.
I am 55 now, I don't want to wait till I am 60 to have SRS, I would like to enjoy life a little before I get too old, If I am 60 I may not even need a vagina, what am I going to do with it, I may as well just have this thing cut off, just so long as I can pee straight and not run down my leg, It seems that they want to evaluate you for three months, then let you go on hormones, in about 2 years when you start looking better you can start with 24/7 living as a women. A lot of the people I have seen are really good looking as men even before they started hormones I am not one of them.
It's going to be a long hard year and so long as I don't get arrested I will take what ever they dish out, I have just started down a long tunnel, I will let you know when I see light at the end.
The last two days at work were uneventful and today I just rested, put things away and got ready to go back to Phoenix tomorrow for therapy. Later Susan
Why is it that one thing can ruin a perfectly good day, today I went to Phoenix to take the MMPI test, I got off work at 8 am went to the bank, then to my friends house to change cause there was not enough time to go home, drove to Phoenix with one stop at the rest stop and then to my appointment, I went into the office and asked for the key for the rest room, the lady gave me a key, I went out to the lady's rest room and the key did not work, I tried for about a minute before I tried the mens room, it worked there, I didn't want to walk back to the office so I went in, luckily nobody was in there so I went and did my business, while I was in there somebody came in, I had on flip flops and my toe nails are painted so I moved my feet back as far as they would go so as not to be seen, I waited for him to leave and then I got out of there as fast as I could, went back to the office, not too happy mind you but did not say anything, filled out paper work, took the 567 question true and false test, it all took about 1 1/2 hours, went to the front office this time I asked for the restroom key the other one, she said sorry and gave me the lady's key, and that went fine, the bad part is coming.
On the way back home I stop at this ZIP truck stop to fill up, it has the best price and the whole trip cost runs about $55, I got done fueling then went into the lady's rest room just like last time, did not really see anybody watching me but I was sitting down peeing and somebody was checking my stall door, I said occupied and finished, went to wash my hands, she was still out there, one of the store employees, as I was trying to was my hands she was trying to tell me the manager wanted to talk to me, so I went out and he was waiting at the entrance to the rest room, I am not sure what he said exactly but some thing like Sir you can't use the lady's room you have to use the men room so I said I can't use the men room do you have a single rest room, he then pointed to two handicap rest room, I said that was cool and sorry and that was that, I wasn't going to run out of there so I went looking for beer for the taco Tuesday night, I had to ask another employee, she said they didn't have beer there so I left.
The rest of the night was good, I stopped at a mini mart picked up some beer and went to my friends house for taco Tuesday, meet some new people had some good tacos and cake and went home, not a bad day but that 2 minutes is still with me and will set me back for a long time, It wouldn't bother me that much but if I was to be arrested for being in the wrong bath room, that would ruin every thing and I would be really be pissed, what does Harry Benjamin say about us getting arrested for trying to follow his SOC. I know many people have been through the same thing because that's what we have to do but it doesn't make it right, because of who we are I can under stand the discrimination and the humiliation that we are put through from people that don't under stand us but when doctors make us do things knowing perfectly well what's going to happen then some thing is wrong with the system.
I am 55 now, I don't want to wait till I am 60 to have SRS, I would like to enjoy life a little before I get too old, If I am 60 I may not even need a vagina, what am I going to do with it, I may as well just have this thing cut off, just so long as I can pee straight and not run down my leg, It seems that they want to evaluate you for three months, then let you go on hormones, in about 2 years when you start looking better you can start with 24/7 living as a women. A lot of the people I have seen are really good looking as men even before they started hormones I am not one of them.
It's going to be a long hard year and so long as I don't get arrested I will take what ever they dish out, I have just started down a long tunnel, I will let you know when I see light at the end.
The last two days at work were uneventful and today I just rested, put things away and got ready to go back to Phoenix tomorrow for therapy. Later Susan
Entry for February 11, 2009
Hey look! Yahoo finely put my picture link on my home page, I guess I will have to add more pictures now.
I came up with this little rig to practice my voice training with, it's old microphone, a small amplifier and ear phones, so what I am going to do is when I read a book or the internet I will just read aloud, I would try singing but I don't remember words to songs.
Hey look! Yahoo finely put my picture link on my home page, I guess I will have to add more pictures now.
I came up with this little rig to practice my voice training with, it's old microphone, a small amplifier and ear phones, so what I am going to do is when I read a book or the internet I will just read aloud, I would try singing but I don't remember words to songs.
Entry for February 06, 2009
This blog is about my trip to Phoenix yesterday. It was a long day and filled with a lot of firsts for me, I started at 9:30 am, drove down to Havasu to pick up my friend Marie, this was also a first, the drive to Phoenix was uneventful, one rest stop break, it was really nice to have Marie alone, I think we talked most of the way there about everything, we got to the appointment with the therapist with about 20 minutes to spare good timing.
The session went pretty well I think, Marie came in with me just to listen and meet the therapist. I know I push too hard some times, I can just tell by the look on the therapist face and the concern in her voice.
I will delay my coming out at work until I have to tell them about the hormones that I am taking, I just do not want to be seen dressed running around town but if it does happen I will be ready to come out or if I can talk to the person that sees me I will just ask them not to tell until I am ready.
How I am going to dress at work is not a problem, tee shirt, pants, belt, boots is what both genders wear, once I come out I will add a sports bra under my tee shirt, keep my toe nails painted in a nice color and finger nails can be clear or of a none distracted color as per fire dept appearance rules.
Hair is still my big problem, one thing I maybe able to do is start growing what hair I have, die it to match my wig for when I wear the wig and just wear a ball cap over the bald spot which is what I was kind of going to do when I go running but I was going to wear the ball cap over a wig that I could put into a pony tail, so I think I have had my last hair cut for a while.
After the visit with my therapist Marie and myself found a Mexican restaurant just down the road from the office where we had a nice meal. this was another first for me, going out to eat dressed up with another TG girl and that was really nice.
We left there and found a second hand store that had some really stuff but a little too high priced for us, we left there went about a mile down the road and found another store, thrift smart, we both found some things there, Marie liked hers so much that she changed in to them in the store.
Still had some time to kill so we went to see where the place was at that I have to go to next week to take the MMPI test, we found that with no problem so then we headed back to the therapist office for the Group meeting with about another 20 minutes to spare, we sat for a while until the other girls began to arrive then we went out to meet them.
Another first, this was my first group meeting and the first time with this many TG people, It was nice to meet them all and talk to them, I wish there was more time but I guess over the next 10 years or so I will be able to talk more and really get to know them.
After the Group a lot of the girls when out for a bite to eat and we went along, so there was about 12 of use in the in & out, very interesting is all I can say.
Still had a 4 hour drive home and it was around 10 pm, the ride home was quite except for a couple of time when Marie and I were talking about the SOC, somethings I don't agree on, I understand them but it doesn't mean I have to like it. One thing is the 3 month rules and the 1/24 for 1 year when you have a job like mine, another thing was the hair and hormones. what am I going to do with all these things? I can read everything on the Internet, listing to every thing people have to say but I am still not going to know what I am going to feel until it happens to me. so I got a little hot on the way home, I may have been a little tired too.
1 stop for fuel, pee and a coffee at Zip and back on the way for Havasu, droped off Marie a stop at cicle K for bredd and home at 2:30 am.
It was a good day and I am still tired but worth it. Susan
This blog is about my trip to Phoenix yesterday. It was a long day and filled with a lot of firsts for me, I started at 9:30 am, drove down to Havasu to pick up my friend Marie, this was also a first, the drive to Phoenix was uneventful, one rest stop break, it was really nice to have Marie alone, I think we talked most of the way there about everything, we got to the appointment with the therapist with about 20 minutes to spare good timing.
The session went pretty well I think, Marie came in with me just to listen and meet the therapist. I know I push too hard some times, I can just tell by the look on the therapist face and the concern in her voice.
I will delay my coming out at work until I have to tell them about the hormones that I am taking, I just do not want to be seen dressed running around town but if it does happen I will be ready to come out or if I can talk to the person that sees me I will just ask them not to tell until I am ready.
How I am going to dress at work is not a problem, tee shirt, pants, belt, boots is what both genders wear, once I come out I will add a sports bra under my tee shirt, keep my toe nails painted in a nice color and finger nails can be clear or of a none distracted color as per fire dept appearance rules.
Hair is still my big problem, one thing I maybe able to do is start growing what hair I have, die it to match my wig for when I wear the wig and just wear a ball cap over the bald spot which is what I was kind of going to do when I go running but I was going to wear the ball cap over a wig that I could put into a pony tail, so I think I have had my last hair cut for a while.
After the visit with my therapist Marie and myself found a Mexican restaurant just down the road from the office where we had a nice meal. this was another first for me, going out to eat dressed up with another TG girl and that was really nice.
We left there and found a second hand store that had some really stuff but a little too high priced for us, we left there went about a mile down the road and found another store, thrift smart, we both found some things there, Marie liked hers so much that she changed in to them in the store.
Still had some time to kill so we went to see where the place was at that I have to go to next week to take the MMPI test, we found that with no problem so then we headed back to the therapist office for the Group meeting with about another 20 minutes to spare, we sat for a while until the other girls began to arrive then we went out to meet them.
Another first, this was my first group meeting and the first time with this many TG people, It was nice to meet them all and talk to them, I wish there was more time but I guess over the next 10 years or so I will be able to talk more and really get to know them.
After the Group a lot of the girls when out for a bite to eat and we went along, so there was about 12 of use in the in & out, very interesting is all I can say.
Still had a 4 hour drive home and it was around 10 pm, the ride home was quite except for a couple of time when Marie and I were talking about the SOC, somethings I don't agree on, I understand them but it doesn't mean I have to like it. One thing is the 3 month rules and the 1/24 for 1 year when you have a job like mine, another thing was the hair and hormones. what am I going to do with all these things? I can read everything on the Internet, listing to every thing people have to say but I am still not going to know what I am going to feel until it happens to me. so I got a little hot on the way home, I may have been a little tired too.
1 stop for fuel, pee and a coffee at Zip and back on the way for Havasu, droped off Marie a stop at cicle K for bredd and home at 2:30 am.
It was a good day and I am still tired but worth it. Susan
Entry for February 07, 2009
On the way back the other night I was getting a little upset because of the hair thing, how can I live as a woman when I am bald, there is no way I can wear a wig at work on my job, it is a safety thing but if I don't then I am not living 7/24 as a woman then I wont get my letter because I am not in compliance with the SOC. The other part of this was when Marie asked me if I wanted to be a woman, I didn't answer right away because that question is not black and white, at the time I was not feeling anywhere close to being a woman, what do I know about how a woman feels like anyway, can a GG tell me how it feels to be a woman, maybe not just like I don't know what it feels like to be a GM and that's what I told Marie, I do not feel like a man.
Just putting on women s clothing, putting on makeup, talking like one and acting like one I do not think it makes you one, it's whats inside, what makes you tick, how you feel and love and I am sure a lot more that makes you a woman. sure the other things will make you feel more feminine and appear on the outside that you are a woman, so I guess I have come to the part where I realize that the inside and the outside have to be in harmony. thinking too much again.
I have been reading all day due to the weather and getting ready for work. I read about Harry Benjamin and looked at the scale he came up with to gage transsexuals, I think I was a 5 on it.
I went to Christine Beatty's web site, very nice place good info and pictures, I saw her video on U tube first that's how I found her. I also went to Donna Rose web site, her writings on her home page is right on, a lot of that is how I feel. I also went to the DIVA Las Vegas web site to see what all that was about, there is a lot of good info on that site, like how to act and dress in Vegas, to blend in and not be noticed. So I have been doing my home work.
Back to work for 2 days tomorrow and to Phoenix Tuesday to take the MMPI test then back to Havasu in time for taco Tuesday at Marie's house, don't know if I am going to be able to blog or not for the next 3 days, but I will try at work, lets see what trouble I can get into. Susan
On the way back the other night I was getting a little upset because of the hair thing, how can I live as a woman when I am bald, there is no way I can wear a wig at work on my job, it is a safety thing but if I don't then I am not living 7/24 as a woman then I wont get my letter because I am not in compliance with the SOC. The other part of this was when Marie asked me if I wanted to be a woman, I didn't answer right away because that question is not black and white, at the time I was not feeling anywhere close to being a woman, what do I know about how a woman feels like anyway, can a GG tell me how it feels to be a woman, maybe not just like I don't know what it feels like to be a GM and that's what I told Marie, I do not feel like a man.
Just putting on women s clothing, putting on makeup, talking like one and acting like one I do not think it makes you one, it's whats inside, what makes you tick, how you feel and love and I am sure a lot more that makes you a woman. sure the other things will make you feel more feminine and appear on the outside that you are a woman, so I guess I have come to the part where I realize that the inside and the outside have to be in harmony. thinking too much again.
I have been reading all day due to the weather and getting ready for work. I read about Harry Benjamin and looked at the scale he came up with to gage transsexuals, I think I was a 5 on it.
I went to Christine Beatty's web site, very nice place good info and pictures, I saw her video on U tube first that's how I found her. I also went to Donna Rose web site, her writings on her home page is right on, a lot of that is how I feel. I also went to the DIVA Las Vegas web site to see what all that was about, there is a lot of good info on that site, like how to act and dress in Vegas, to blend in and not be noticed. So I have been doing my home work.
Back to work for 2 days tomorrow and to Phoenix Tuesday to take the MMPI test then back to Havasu in time for taco Tuesday at Marie's house, don't know if I am going to be able to blog or not for the next 3 days, but I will try at work, lets see what trouble I can get into. Susan
Entry for February 03, 2009
I had so much work to do at work that I was able to finish the book Gender Outlaw by Kate Bornstein. This is my first TG book. It is interesting book, makes you think, although to me I think that there is too much thinking about who we are and why we are this way, I think that a lot of the thinking is just so we can explain to a straight person why we are the way we are, I don't even think that I really care why I am this way, it's just nice to know. I am glad to now have the label Transsexual, only because now I know where I fit in after all this time. back to the book, It talks a lot about the power that men have and when you become a woman you loose that power. I have never felt that power, maybe when I become a women then I will know what it's like to not have the power. When I was married my wife was always the one wearing the pants, was this just another sign that I am not a man. The book also talked a lot about not being male or female, that they are lot more than just two genders. for me this means that I don't have to be a man or a women, I can be something else or both. the book is interesting and and makes you think so I would recommend reading Susan
I had so much work to do at work that I was able to finish the book Gender Outlaw by Kate Bornstein. This is my first TG book. It is interesting book, makes you think, although to me I think that there is too much thinking about who we are and why we are this way, I think that a lot of the thinking is just so we can explain to a straight person why we are the way we are, I don't even think that I really care why I am this way, it's just nice to know. I am glad to now have the label Transsexual, only because now I know where I fit in after all this time. back to the book, It talks a lot about the power that men have and when you become a woman you loose that power. I have never felt that power, maybe when I become a women then I will know what it's like to not have the power. When I was married my wife was always the one wearing the pants, was this just another sign that I am not a man. The book also talked a lot about not being male or female, that they are lot more than just two genders. for me this means that I don't have to be a man or a women, I can be something else or both. the book is interesting and and makes you think so I would recommend reading Susan
Entry for February 04, 2009
Today I got home did some paper work and got dressed to go for my first ever Electrolysis appointment, two hours down, about 198 to go?, it went petty good, the pains not too bad, a little like tattoos, the lady is real nice and has done a lot of us. I was going to do some shopping afterwords but I don't like to be seen without makeup on so I just went home, didn't really need any thing any way.
When I was getting ready to go out today I remember thinking about what i was going to wear, I didn't even think about not dressing as a women and that's great the way it should be.
Susan
Today I got home did some paper work and got dressed to go for my first ever Electrolysis appointment, two hours down, about 198 to go?, it went petty good, the pains not too bad, a little like tattoos, the lady is real nice and has done a lot of us. I was going to do some shopping afterwords but I don't like to be seen without makeup on so I just went home, didn't really need any thing any way.
When I was getting ready to go out today I remember thinking about what i was going to wear, I didn't even think about not dressing as a women and that's great the way it should be.
Susan
Another day another step February 01, 2009
Today was a rest day, after I went for a 2 mile run, I made a big phone call to one of my relatives in England who I have not talked to in 40 years and worked on some TS paper work for just in case I have to come out before I am ready.
I may have found some doctors here in havasu, that would great cause it's only 400 miles to Phoenix round trip, will try to get some consults this week. I found this information out from a coworker's mother who is a RN in the office, I told her I am a TS, she was really nice, how could I have not known about these doctors before.
I was reading Suzi's blog and wanted to make a comment but my fingers are not as fast as Suzi's and I need to put it here too.
Everybody I have talked too so far while dressed up have all been nice, like yesterday at Walgreen's I had to ask the makeup lady where some things were and she took me up and down the isle showing me where the things were.
Some times I think it would be nice to look like ever other women so I could fit in with out being noticed, then the other times I want people to see me and look. I would like to have my own look, I do not want to look my age, I don't want to dress my age and I may never act my age, the great thing about dressing as a woman is that I can dress anyway I like.
Good night every body, will write again in 2 days after work. Susan
Today was a rest day, after I went for a 2 mile run, I made a big phone call to one of my relatives in England who I have not talked to in 40 years and worked on some TS paper work for just in case I have to come out before I am ready.
I may have found some doctors here in havasu, that would great cause it's only 400 miles to Phoenix round trip, will try to get some consults this week. I found this information out from a coworker's mother who is a RN in the office, I told her I am a TS, she was really nice, how could I have not known about these doctors before.
I was reading Suzi's blog and wanted to make a comment but my fingers are not as fast as Suzi's and I need to put it here too.
Everybody I have talked too so far while dressed up have all been nice, like yesterday at Walgreen's I had to ask the makeup lady where some things were and she took me up and down the isle showing me where the things were.
Some times I think it would be nice to look like ever other women so I could fit in with out being noticed, then the other times I want people to see me and look. I would like to have my own look, I do not want to look my age, I don't want to dress my age and I may never act my age, the great thing about dressing as a woman is that I can dress anyway I like.
Good night every body, will write again in 2 days after work. Susan
Entry for February 02, 2009
OK I am sitting at work after all our duty s are done watching TV with the guys, we are looking though the guide, we could not find anything to watch, but as they were running through the guide I saw some thing I would watch at home but not there at work, I didn't tell them what it was, a show on sundance channel was highlighted, I think that one was about gays, the one I was looking at was the one about four transsexuals, I dont know if they knew which one I was looking at but the guy next to me said that when he was in Smith's shopping he saw a he she, so I asked him what's a he she? the other guy goes, A he she in a person that has both sexes, the guy next to me said all he knew was that it was a guy because it had on high heels, a dress, wig and sounded like a man. I was biting my tongue so bad, I wanted to say something, but I knew if I started, I just wouldnt stop and let the cat out of the bag, I want to come out so bad. Susan
OK I am sitting at work after all our duty s are done watching TV with the guys, we are looking though the guide, we could not find anything to watch, but as they were running through the guide I saw some thing I would watch at home but not there at work, I didn't tell them what it was, a show on sundance channel was highlighted, I think that one was about gays, the one I was looking at was the one about four transsexuals, I dont know if they knew which one I was looking at but the guy next to me said that when he was in Smith's shopping he saw a he she, so I asked him what's a he she? the other guy goes, A he she in a person that has both sexes, the guy next to me said all he knew was that it was a guy because it had on high heels, a dress, wig and sounded like a man. I was biting my tongue so bad, I wanted to say something, but I knew if I started, I just wouldnt stop and let the cat out of the bag, I want to come out so bad. Susan
Entry for January 30, 2009
Today I worked on paper work, printing maps to doctors and stuff and figuring out which would be the best for me, scanned more pictures into the computer.
I got to pairs of new shoes today, 1 pair of pumps and 1 pair of ankle boots, I just love heels. I also got two sports bra's for my foam breast forms that I got last week, I like wearing them too which I have had on all day. Last week I also got my first bra ever and a pair of silicone breast forms and they feel great too, This is something that I thought I would never do, I wore them out all day yesterday and didn't want to take them off to go to bed, one day I wont have to because they will be part of me, no pictures yet I will try to get some soon, the bra is a 40 C.
When talking to my therapist yesterday, she asked if I like wearing the pantyhose that I had on and I said yes, it helps to hide the muscles a little and tone the legs down but we got off on something else, what it was is that the pantyhose also keeps that thing tucked up real good like it not even there without tape, they are the only things I have that do that. Susan
Today I worked on paper work, printing maps to doctors and stuff and figuring out which would be the best for me, scanned more pictures into the computer.
I got to pairs of new shoes today, 1 pair of pumps and 1 pair of ankle boots, I just love heels. I also got two sports bra's for my foam breast forms that I got last week, I like wearing them too which I have had on all day. Last week I also got my first bra ever and a pair of silicone breast forms and they feel great too, This is something that I thought I would never do, I wore them out all day yesterday and didn't want to take them off to go to bed, one day I wont have to because they will be part of me, no pictures yet I will try to get some soon, the bra is a 40 C.
When talking to my therapist yesterday, she asked if I like wearing the pantyhose that I had on and I said yes, it helps to hide the muscles a little and tone the legs down but we got off on something else, what it was is that the pantyhose also keeps that thing tucked up real good like it not even there without tape, they are the only things I have that do that. Susan
I love poles. January 31, 2009
Another big day for me, today I got dressed up to go to town, not a real hot outfit but all woman as you can see by the picture.
first stop was the gas station, did not want to run out of gas dressed up.
Second was my consult with the electrolysis here in town, that went well and I start next Wednesday for two hours, she is TG friendly.
Third stop was shopping at the salvation army, it is so much easier shopping for women s clothing when you are dressed as one, I got two tops, my first Capri pants, A long skirt what I call a hippie look, I need more color you know and this little slinky black mini dress which I have on right now, how could I not have done this before, it feels so good, so light, like wearing nothing at all, I had to take off my boobs cause the bra straps are too wide, I would wear this without boobs because it feels so good. I took a picture but it does not look any where as good as I feel, did I tell you I really like the dress.
Fouth stop was walgreens for some nail polish and other things.
last was the grocerie store.
This may not seem to be a big deal to a lot of people but it is to me, every thing went good, nobody cared what I was wearing, I saw some people looking and talking, no big deal, everybody I talked to was nice too. I will be doing this a lot more. Susan
Another big day for me, today I got dressed up to go to town, not a real hot outfit but all woman as you can see by the picture.
first stop was the gas station, did not want to run out of gas dressed up.
Second was my consult with the electrolysis here in town, that went well and I start next Wednesday for two hours, she is TG friendly.
Third stop was shopping at the salvation army, it is so much easier shopping for women s clothing when you are dressed as one, I got two tops, my first Capri pants, A long skirt what I call a hippie look, I need more color you know and this little slinky black mini dress which I have on right now, how could I not have done this before, it feels so good, so light, like wearing nothing at all, I had to take off my boobs cause the bra straps are too wide, I would wear this without boobs because it feels so good. I took a picture but it does not look any where as good as I feel, did I tell you I really like the dress.
Fouth stop was walgreens for some nail polish and other things.
last was the grocerie store.
This may not seem to be a big deal to a lot of people but it is to me, every thing went good, nobody cared what I was wearing, I saw some people looking and talking, no big deal, everybody I talked to was nice too. I will be doing this a lot more. Susan
Home work January 26, 2009
Oh dear this is day number 4, back to work tomorrow for 2 days, pretty much the last three and a half days I have been on the internet doing my home work on my my new life, the nice thing about that is I can stay dressed anyway I like. today I went through my old England pictures, scanned a bunch, like about 100, takes a lot of time and my eyes leaked a lot too, I don't know why but is something I need to do, I tried to send them by email but the file was too big, I don't know what the max email file size is in England.
Talked to one of my supervisors tonight about coming out at work, this is the same one i talked to before now that he has had some time to think about it, he didn't have anything to add so I think I will make a info package up to have ready to give to my boss when I am ready or just to have in case I have to come out before I am ready, like if somebody see's me.
that's all for now Susan
Oh dear this is day number 4, back to work tomorrow for 2 days, pretty much the last three and a half days I have been on the internet doing my home work on my my new life, the nice thing about that is I can stay dressed anyway I like. today I went through my old England pictures, scanned a bunch, like about 100, takes a lot of time and my eyes leaked a lot too, I don't know why but is something I need to do, I tried to send them by email but the file was too big, I don't know what the max email file size is in England.
Talked to one of my supervisors tonight about coming out at work, this is the same one i talked to before now that he has had some time to think about it, he didn't have anything to add so I think I will make a info package up to have ready to give to my boss when I am ready or just to have in case I have to come out before I am ready, like if somebody see's me.
that's all for now Susan
Entry for January 29, 2009
Just got back from Phoenix, left at 10:30am and got home at 9:30pm with a stop at Starbucks in Havasu, had a good meeting with my therapist, wish it would last longer because I do enjoy talking to her, it really feels like I have seen her more than two times, anyway I am tired so I will continue tomorrow good night all. Susan
Just got back from Phoenix, left at 10:30am and got home at 9:30pm with a stop at Starbucks in Havasu, had a good meeting with my therapist, wish it would last longer because I do enjoy talking to her, it really feels like I have seen her more than two times, anyway I am tired so I will continue tomorrow good night all. Susan
Entry for January 24, 2009
Yesterday and to day I did a lot of reading here on the computer I also went shopping for shoes at almost all the shoe stores in town, I found shoes I like but just not my size, I don't like to order shoes on line because I like them to fit perfect, a friend of mine told me he orders boots in two sizes and just sends the one back that does not fit, maybe that's what i will do.
Today in my reading I went to my union web page to read the discrimination policy, it has on there about gender and sexual orientation but not about gender identity, so I sent them an email just to ask them if they forgot to put it on there or if they left it off on purpose just so I know where I stand with the union, not that they can do anything in this state.
Other than that I am just enjoying being dressed up, every time I see my nails it gets my attention, getting used to wearing my wig more, the more I dress the more I like it. Susan
Yesterday and to day I did a lot of reading here on the computer I also went shopping for shoes at almost all the shoe stores in town, I found shoes I like but just not my size, I don't like to order shoes on line because I like them to fit perfect, a friend of mine told me he orders boots in two sizes and just sends the one back that does not fit, maybe that's what i will do.
Today in my reading I went to my union web page to read the discrimination policy, it has on there about gender and sexual orientation but not about gender identity, so I sent them an email just to ask them if they forgot to put it on there or if they left it off on purpose just so I know where I stand with the union, not that they can do anything in this state.
Other than that I am just enjoying being dressed up, every time I see my nails it gets my attention, getting used to wearing my wig more, the more I dress the more I like it. Susan
Beautiful Boxer January 23, 2009
I watched Beautiful Boxer tonight, I had no idea of what to expect, it was a little like some of the Thai movies I had seen before but different, I have been to Thailand a flew times when I was in the navy, I love Thailand, the people are great and fun, I fell in love in four days, it still hurts when I think about her, yes I was still married at the time but it was so right, even only to love for four days, that was the last time I loved anybody I think around 1990, back to the movie, no I didn't cry, I just thought it was a nice movie, hope that's not the way I come out. Susan
I watched Beautiful Boxer tonight, I had no idea of what to expect, it was a little like some of the Thai movies I had seen before but different, I have been to Thailand a flew times when I was in the navy, I love Thailand, the people are great and fun, I fell in love in four days, it still hurts when I think about her, yes I was still married at the time but it was so right, even only to love for four days, that was the last time I loved anybody I think around 1990, back to the movie, no I didn't cry, I just thought it was a nice movie, hope that's not the way I come out. Susan
Normal day January 18, 2009
Really not much today, I slept out side again last night which is normal for me I guess I should tell you why I sleep outside, In 1993 my wife and I started off roading in Ocotillo Wells CA, after a few years we got a trailer in a park so we would not have to camp all the time, not that I don't like camping it just gets to be more work than fun after a while, it was a 24 foot travel trailer ok for two people if you dont snore, I got tired of getting woke up by the wife because I was snoring, so I went outside to sleep on the futon and now thats why I like to sleep out side, the only time I sleep inside is when it rains, wind blows or its just too humid, I just feel better when I wake up.
other than that I did maintance around the house wearing my tight girls jeans, when I got done I switched to a skirt and tee shirt, hot bath and a movie and now ready for bed, this a normal day at home for me. Susan
Really not much today, I slept out side again last night which is normal for me I guess I should tell you why I sleep outside, In 1993 my wife and I started off roading in Ocotillo Wells CA, after a few years we got a trailer in a park so we would not have to camp all the time, not that I don't like camping it just gets to be more work than fun after a while, it was a 24 foot travel trailer ok for two people if you dont snore, I got tired of getting woke up by the wife because I was snoring, so I went outside to sleep on the futon and now thats why I like to sleep out side, the only time I sleep inside is when it rains, wind blows or its just too humid, I just feel better when I wake up.
other than that I did maintance around the house wearing my tight girls jeans, when I got done I switched to a skirt and tee shirt, hot bath and a movie and now ready for bed, this a normal day at home for me. Susan
Entry for January 19, 2009
I just got done watching "Boys don't Cry" I didn't like it, I know things like that happen and a lot of people are like that, I don't really like real life type movies, I don't like to be sad, I like feel good shows.
worked on the house again, sent off for more women supplies, not going to tell what they are you will just have to wait and see.
Stayed dressed half and half all day, that is all for today Susan.
I just got done watching "Boys don't Cry" I didn't like it, I know things like that happen and a lot of people are like that, I don't really like real life type movies, I don't like to be sad, I like feel good shows.
worked on the house again, sent off for more women supplies, not going to tell what they are you will just have to wait and see.
Stayed dressed half and half all day, that is all for today Susan.
Taco Tuesday January 20, 2009
Taco Tuesday at my friends house, great tacos with good people.
went shopping today for shoes and tops, I didn't find any shoes that fit but I did get two tops, its getting easier to go into the women s wear, nobody seems to care, they may look at you once, then go about their business, I was thinking, when I can dress better I will go out dressed shopping but now I may just go out the way I look now and see how it goes, whats the worst that can happen, nobody knows Susan, maybe I need to do a test with some one I know first, something to think about in the next two days that I am at work. goodnight Susan
Taco Tuesday at my friends house, great tacos with good people.
went shopping today for shoes and tops, I didn't find any shoes that fit but I did get two tops, its getting easier to go into the women s wear, nobody seems to care, they may look at you once, then go about their business, I was thinking, when I can dress better I will go out dressed shopping but now I may just go out the way I look now and see how it goes, whats the worst that can happen, nobody knows Susan, maybe I need to do a test with some one I know first, something to think about in the next two days that I am at work. goodnight Susan
rest day January 17, 2009
did not do too much today, after working for 48 hours I get off at 8 am then go shopping so I can stay home for the next 4 days, I did run today for the first time this year around the Island, about 3 miles, feels good, oh when I run I always wear girls black spandex short shorts, then usually I put on some jean shorts over them when I go shopping at the grocery store, not today I just went in like I was, I could see out of the corner of my eye three Mexican guys were laughing not that I care, I noticed along time ago that after a workout or a run I have more balls for awhile, wish I could stay like that.
I did keep my toe nails painted the whole time I was at work, it catches my eyes some times when in the bath room, I don't know why its so much fun.
after I got home and put things away I switched into a skirt for the rest of the day and flip flops so I could see my toes, I had to do some work out side like that, even up on the roof, I have two black skirts that I pulled out of my x wife's garage sale stuff about five years ago.
the concept of having boobs is some thing that I would deal with when they start to show, It is really hard to believe that I would grow my own, that would be so nice, but anyway I was thinking about it and I went and found an old swim suit top that came with a thong bottom that I wanted, so I still had the top and I put it on and had it on all day not that i have anything to fill it with, some day.
Like I said not much today. Susan
did not do too much today, after working for 48 hours I get off at 8 am then go shopping so I can stay home for the next 4 days, I did run today for the first time this year around the Island, about 3 miles, feels good, oh when I run I always wear girls black spandex short shorts, then usually I put on some jean shorts over them when I go shopping at the grocery store, not today I just went in like I was, I could see out of the corner of my eye three Mexican guys were laughing not that I care, I noticed along time ago that after a workout or a run I have more balls for awhile, wish I could stay like that.
I did keep my toe nails painted the whole time I was at work, it catches my eyes some times when in the bath room, I don't know why its so much fun.
after I got home and put things away I switched into a skirt for the rest of the day and flip flops so I could see my toes, I had to do some work out side like that, even up on the roof, I have two black skirts that I pulled out of my x wife's garage sale stuff about five years ago.
the concept of having boobs is some thing that I would deal with when they start to show, It is really hard to believe that I would grow my own, that would be so nice, but anyway I was thinking about it and I went and found an old swim suit top that came with a thong bottom that I wanted, so I still had the top and I put it on and had it on all day not that i have anything to fill it with, some day.
Like I said not much today. Susan
Therapist day January 15, 2009
I have been busy and I can see it is going to be a busy year. Monday I did not do too much during the day, I did paint all my nails, another first and then that night I went dressed up to a friends house for taco Tuesday with another of her friends, good night, good people and good food.
Now Wednesday was a very big day, I went to see my therapist for the very first time ever, that was the easy part, I left home at 9:35am drove to phoenix at around two, had to stop 2 times to pee and 1 to get fuel that's where a guy passing by in his truck waved at me, the harder thing was going to pee at the rest stop, you know they have that long walk to the rest room from the sidewalk and I am not comfortable going in the ladies room, I may kind of dress like a women but I still look like a man, anyway it went OK.
So I got into town OK saw my therapist, that seemed OK too, not having been to one before for anything it was good, easy to talk to and I am looking forward to the next meetings, have not done my home work yet, they have been making me work all day today, I don't come to work for that.
Going home I only stopped once and that was to pee, I happened that just as I pulled up another car pulled up along side me so I waited for them to walk to the restroom then I followed them one kid and a man and a woman, everything was ok untill I got back into my truck, the man was out side the restroom waiting for his wife and kid to come out and when they did he was talking with his arm out strested and pointing in my direction, so I dont know if he knew I was a man or a hooker, it just didnt look good, other than that the day went great and now I am at work for two days.
I have somthing I did today, which I will talk about more tomorrow, I came out to a guy at work.
I have been busy and I can see it is going to be a busy year. Monday I did not do too much during the day, I did paint all my nails, another first and then that night I went dressed up to a friends house for taco Tuesday with another of her friends, good night, good people and good food.
Now Wednesday was a very big day, I went to see my therapist for the very first time ever, that was the easy part, I left home at 9:35am drove to phoenix at around two, had to stop 2 times to pee and 1 to get fuel that's where a guy passing by in his truck waved at me, the harder thing was going to pee at the rest stop, you know they have that long walk to the rest room from the sidewalk and I am not comfortable going in the ladies room, I may kind of dress like a women but I still look like a man, anyway it went OK.
So I got into town OK saw my therapist, that seemed OK too, not having been to one before for anything it was good, easy to talk to and I am looking forward to the next meetings, have not done my home work yet, they have been making me work all day today, I don't come to work for that.
Going home I only stopped once and that was to pee, I happened that just as I pulled up another car pulled up along side me so I waited for them to walk to the restroom then I followed them one kid and a man and a woman, everything was ok untill I got back into my truck, the man was out side the restroom waiting for his wife and kid to come out and when they did he was talking with his arm out strested and pointing in my direction, so I dont know if he knew I was a man or a hooker, it just didnt look good, other than that the day went great and now I am at work for two days.
I have somthing I did today, which I will talk about more tomorrow, I came out to a guy at work.
January 15 cont 2009
OK coming out to the guy at work yesterday was not too hard because he is in the group of GLBT, I cant tell you which on here, we have had talks on his problems here at work in the passed, I started telling him about two weeks ago that I needed to talk to him about a personal matter and yesterday when nobody was around I said I need to talk to you about something, so I started talking about how people kid me about being gay, he said he didn't think that they really thought that, anyway I just told him I am a transsexual and no be deal, He is a supervisor who has been here for about ten years so I asked him if he knew what the chief would think about that, the department does not have a policy that covers this sort of thing, he didnt know what the chiefs thoughts would be on this, the chief is the only one I have to worrie about here on the job, I know with gays he doesnt care so long as they dont bring problems to work. I have time to think about this so long as I dont get caught running around town dressed.
Yes Suzi the home work was from my therapist only because I am so slow at filling out forms and I have to pee because of the coffee I drink, Old navy habit.
going to go and do my home work now Susan
OK coming out to the guy at work yesterday was not too hard because he is in the group of GLBT, I cant tell you which on here, we have had talks on his problems here at work in the passed, I started telling him about two weeks ago that I needed to talk to him about a personal matter and yesterday when nobody was around I said I need to talk to you about something, so I started talking about how people kid me about being gay, he said he didn't think that they really thought that, anyway I just told him I am a transsexual and no be deal, He is a supervisor who has been here for about ten years so I asked him if he knew what the chief would think about that, the department does not have a policy that covers this sort of thing, he didnt know what the chiefs thoughts would be on this, the chief is the only one I have to worrie about here on the job, I know with gays he doesnt care so long as they dont bring problems to work. I have time to think about this so long as I dont get caught running around town dressed.
Yes Suzi the home work was from my therapist only because I am so slow at filling out forms and I have to pee because of the coffee I drink, Old navy habit.
going to go and do my home work now Susan
before the blog January 10, 2009
This is what happened before I started bogging and as to the reason I am here now.
In October I think it was I was watching Sex Change Hospital on the WE channel, why was I watching that, simple that's something I always wanted to do but just thought that it was something that was way out of my means to do money wise, anyway after watching the shows and doing research and watching another show The serest lives of women I saw that it was possible to do, after that every thing changed, I started looking for TS in my area, doctors, groups, spent a lot more time on the web, cross dressing, everything that had to do with the subject, I took the on line COGIATII test which said I was classification three, Androgynee which I can see by the test, but because the way the test is worded and my age it makes a difference in how the test scores out, I think I am also Femmiphile because I do love women.
I met my first TS in November, Told my doctor about what I wanted to do in December, went to a local Pride Christmas party and got divorced on the 1st of the year.
I think things are going slow but every body tells me to slow down, I am trying to do that but it is hard when you want something so bad.
Well that's all for now, I may add more to this if I remember more things, that's why I am going to try to keep this up every day. Susan
This is what happened before I started bogging and as to the reason I am here now.
In October I think it was I was watching Sex Change Hospital on the WE channel, why was I watching that, simple that's something I always wanted to do but just thought that it was something that was way out of my means to do money wise, anyway after watching the shows and doing research and watching another show The serest lives of women I saw that it was possible to do, after that every thing changed, I started looking for TS in my area, doctors, groups, spent a lot more time on the web, cross dressing, everything that had to do with the subject, I took the on line COGIATII test which said I was classification three, Androgynee which I can see by the test, but because the way the test is worded and my age it makes a difference in how the test scores out, I think I am also Femmiphile because I do love women.
I met my first TS in November, Told my doctor about what I wanted to do in December, went to a local Pride Christmas party and got divorced on the 1st of the year.
I think things are going slow but every body tells me to slow down, I am trying to do that but it is hard when you want something so bad.
Well that's all for now, I may add more to this if I remember more things, that's why I am going to try to keep this up every day. Susan
WOW January 12, 2009
Wow I just got it, Last night I was sitting there thinking again and I just got it, What you all are telling me is just to be me, Well that is something or some one that is way out there especially for some body my age, I will not be able to blend in as a female this way and every body will look, it still will be mostly female, it you don't know what I am talking about, just imagine Punk, industrial and goth together, its what I love, I think it would be hard to fit in anywhere around here but I dont fit in now. I will have to think long and hard about this. Susan
Wow I just got it, Last night I was sitting there thinking again and I just got it, What you all are telling me is just to be me, Well that is something or some one that is way out there especially for some body my age, I will not be able to blend in as a female this way and every body will look, it still will be mostly female, it you don't know what I am talking about, just imagine Punk, industrial and goth together, its what I love, I think it would be hard to fit in anywhere around here but I dont fit in now. I will have to think long and hard about this. Susan
Starbucks January 08, 2009
Just a quick note, I went to Starbucks tonight dressed up for the local pride group meeting, another first, two firsts, one going out dressed up and it not be Halloween and going to a pride meeting, didn't do much just talked to Bob. more latter have to work the next two days.
Just a quick note, I went to Starbucks tonight dressed up for the local pride group meeting, another first, two firsts, one going out dressed up and it not be Halloween and going to a pride meeting, didn't do much just talked to Bob. more latter have to work the next two days.
Back to last night January 09, 2009
I was sitting in starbucks with Bob when two women came over and the smaller one started explaining that she was getting her drink when she got this urge to come over to me and invite me to attend her church, she asked what my name was and I told her Susan and she just said that the lord want us to love him first and each other second, Bob thought it was great but I didn't know what to think being as it was my first time out and my back was to them the whole time before they came over so they could not have seen my face, I just think it was weird. I guess I should just look at it in a good way.
The other thing I did last night was drive in three inch heels, I don't think I did too bad, not that hard, but next time bring walking shoes just in case.
I was sitting in starbucks with Bob when two women came over and the smaller one started explaining that she was getting her drink when she got this urge to come over to me and invite me to attend her church, she asked what my name was and I told her Susan and she just said that the lord want us to love him first and each other second, Bob thought it was great but I didn't know what to think being as it was my first time out and my back was to them the whole time before they came over so they could not have seen my face, I just think it was weird. I guess I should just look at it in a good way.
The other thing I did last night was drive in three inch heels, I don't think I did too bad, not that hard, but next time bring walking shoes just in case.
Shopping. January 06, 2009 #2
Today was another day of firsts for me, first day going out in makeup, shopping for a wig, buying a handbag, all dressed as a man, well kind of, it may not be a big deal for other girls but it is hard for me, it is something I have to do on my own or it would not mean as much.
The more I go shopping like this, the more likely I am going to be seen by somebody I know, I almost have enough things that I will be able to go out shopping as a women, I think that will be easier once I have done it a couple of times, I really cant wait for that day, it will not be long.
I have some new friends today, I have not visited their sites yet but I will do soon, Thanks for being my friends Susan.
Today was another day of firsts for me, first day going out in makeup, shopping for a wig, buying a handbag, all dressed as a man, well kind of, it may not be a big deal for other girls but it is hard for me, it is something I have to do on my own or it would not mean as much.
The more I go shopping like this, the more likely I am going to be seen by somebody I know, I almost have enough things that I will be able to go out shopping as a women, I think that will be easier once I have done it a couple of times, I really cant wait for that day, it will not be long.
I have some new friends today, I have not visited their sites yet but I will do soon, Thanks for being my friends Susan.
class day January 07, 2009
Had to go into work today for a refresher class on now to stick tubes in the airway, so I set the day for that so not much done today, I did pick up a pocket book up to go into my new hand bag.
Tried to get the pictures working on here but still no luck, must be something I don't understand.
I was sitting there tonight watching TV cause in did not feel right thinking again, even though I have only been doing this for a little over two months now, the only thing stopping me from going 7/24 is work, two months ago I had never thought about doing it, I just wanted to be a girl, you can still be a girl in mens clothing, but now I really think I could do it, I love dressing, putting on makeup, not too good at that yet, next week I get to go to Phoenix dressed up all day, just cant wait, but for now 4/24 will have to do.
Had to go into work today for a refresher class on now to stick tubes in the airway, so I set the day for that so not much done today, I did pick up a pocket book up to go into my new hand bag.
Tried to get the pictures working on here but still no luck, must be something I don't understand.
I was sitting there tonight watching TV cause in did not feel right thinking again, even though I have only been doing this for a little over two months now, the only thing stopping me from going 7/24 is work, two months ago I had never thought about doing it, I just wanted to be a girl, you can still be a girl in mens clothing, but now I really think I could do it, I love dressing, putting on makeup, not too good at that yet, next week I get to go to Phoenix dressed up all day, just cant wait, but for now 4/24 will have to do.
Entry for January 05, 2009
Well it happened again this morning at shift change, the subject of me being gay came up again and I said I wasn't which I am not, well at least not yet anyway, they just know there is some thing about me that's different, so after I got home and changed I went shopping, got rid of some junk and got some nail polish remover, cotton balls, cotton pads, a top and food.
After I came home, Mary a therapist in north Phoenix called me back, about two hours after I talked to her and looking at the notes from the other therapists I called her back and made an appointment for next week, check another box.
almost done with my letter, I am having trouble spelling some words, once done with that it should be ready, I think I will work on that now, later.
Well it happened again this morning at shift change, the subject of me being gay came up again and I said I wasn't which I am not, well at least not yet anyway, they just know there is some thing about me that's different, so after I got home and changed I went shopping, got rid of some junk and got some nail polish remover, cotton balls, cotton pads, a top and food.
After I came home, Mary a therapist in north Phoenix called me back, about two hours after I talked to her and looking at the notes from the other therapists I called her back and made an appointment for next week, check another box.
almost done with my letter, I am having trouble spelling some words, once done with that it should be ready, I think I will work on that now, later.
Entry for January 02, 2009
Not much today but I did talk to a therapist to day that sounded good but I will check out some more next week. I did have another one call me back while I was talking to the other one, why does that happen? I didn't have any calls all day then two at the same time.
The other thing I did was take back a dress that was too big and I bought some more makeup, I should be good for awhile now.
Got to work the next two days, so read and plan, thats what I am going to be doing.
almost forgot, went to burger King with make up on.
Not much today but I did talk to a therapist to day that sounded good but I will check out some more next week. I did have another one call me back while I was talking to the other one, why does that happen? I didn't have any calls all day then two at the same time.
The other thing I did was take back a dress that was too big and I bought some more makeup, I should be good for awhile now.
Got to work the next two days, so read and plan, thats what I am going to be doing.
almost forgot, went to burger King with make up on.
Entry for January 01, 2009
Today is the first day of a new year so I am starting this so I can log my journey to be coming the person I have always wanted to be.
today I emailed 2 therapists in Scottsdale, it being the holidays I don't expect a response till next week.
I wore a skort today and tonight I have on my 3 inch heels
Today is the first day of a new year so I am starting this so I can log my journey to be coming the person I have always wanted to be.
today I emailed 2 therapists in Scottsdale, it being the holidays I don't expect a response till next week.
I wore a skort today and tonight I have on my 3 inch heels
Shopping #2
I forgot the other day when I was in the second hand store, a women came out of the dressing room and asked me if her top looked good, she was trying to buy something other than a tank top, I just asked her if she liked it and just to wear what she likes, I did tell her that it looked nice to me, I was a little surprised that a women would ask me a fashion question like that, maybe something else I have to get used to. Susan
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