Entry for February 13, 2009
Yesterday I went to Phoenix to see my therapist again, She went over the results from the MM PI test, just about what I expected, not in distress or depression, that I may brood and get down on myself, frequently discouraged and easily hurt by criticism, calm, easy going and optimistic.
I have a higher masculine pattern than a woman taking the test, do you think that could be due to trying to live as a man for 55 years.
That I show social discomfort and a tendency to avoid social interaction, that's because I am shy, I thought about this a lot because I hate being shy, I watch other people and wish I could be like them, maybe I would have done this a long time ago if I had been more out going, I don't think I was shy when I was real young, around three years old, I told my ex wife what I think changed me, of course she thought it was stupid, when I was three I remember walking up to a bigger kid to tell him his mother wanted him and he shot me in the eye with a pop gun, I think that's when I became afraid of people, who knows, maybe it was when I almost drowned in a lake, maybe I got brain damage, anyway it's too late now, now that's something my therapist could help me with, I wonder if hypnosis works on that, I also wondered if hypnosis works on GID, I would bet that if you are for real the only thing it's going to do is mess you up more because the girl is still trying to get out but you are not letting her so it would just cause more conflict.
Today I received a sorry card from the person who gave me the wrong key for the restroom when I went to take the MM PI test, I had put it on a comment card before I left, I did call and thank her anyway.
I went in for another two hours of electrolysis, so much fun.
Made a doctor appointment for next Tuesday, to my therapist Yes I am excited, I just don't show it like most people do, I am real guarded, I don't like disappointment and until things are really working this is the way I am, I don't count my chickens before they are hatched.
On the way home last night I had four hours to think again, My therapist gave me the diagnosis of GID which is what I wanted, it's what I need, I started to have mixed feelings about it, It says that there is something officially wrong with me and that's no little thing when you think about it, Yes I am still Happy it just hasn't hit yet.
I also stopped at Starbucks for the local pride meeting, I walked in behind a Havasu police officer, I was a little shaky when I sat down but got over it in minutes and went up to the counter to get a drink, the girls that work there are real nice.
Thats all for now, it's being a busy four days and back to work fore the weekend, I will write on monday. Susan