Entry for February 07, 2009
On the way back the other night I was getting a little upset because of the hair thing, how can I live as a woman when I am bald, there is no way I can wear a wig at work on my job, it is a safety thing but if I don't then I am not living 7/24 as a woman then I wont get my letter because I am not in compliance with the SOC. The other part of this was when Marie asked me if I wanted to be a woman, I didn't answer right away because that question is not black and white, at the time I was not feeling anywhere close to being a woman, what do I know about how a woman feels like anyway, can a GG tell me how it feels to be a woman, maybe not just like I don't know what it feels like to be a GM and that's what I told Marie, I do not feel like a man.
Just putting on women s clothing, putting on makeup, talking like one and acting like one I do not think it makes you one, it's whats inside, what makes you tick, how you feel and love and I am sure a lot more that makes you a woman. sure the other things will make you feel more feminine and appear on the outside that you are a woman, so I guess I have come to the part where I realize that the inside and the outside have to be in harmony. thinking too much again.
I have been reading all day due to the weather and getting ready for work. I read about Harry Benjamin and looked at the scale he came up with to gage transsexuals, I think I was a 5 on it.
I went to Christine Beatty's web site, very nice place good info and pictures, I saw her video on U tube first that's how I found her. I also went to Donna Rose web site, her writings on her home page is right on, a lot of that is how I feel. I also went to the DIVA Las Vegas web site to see what all that was about, there is a lot of good info on that site, like how to act and dress in Vegas, to blend in and not be noticed. So I have been doing my home work.
Back to work for 2 days tomorrow and to Phoenix Tuesday to take the MMPI test then back to Havasu in time for taco Tuesday at Marie's house, don't know if I am going to be able to blog or not for the next 3 days, but I will try at work, lets see what trouble I can get into. Susan